Waking to a Nightmare
by Reinbeauchaser
Summary: Ever have one of those dreams that seem so real you can't tell if you're awake or not? One such woman did. Add a car accident, four Ninja Turtles, and you get drama and adventure. Finished. Voted Best Complex Story for 2004
1. What Was That Question Again?

A/N: I know, now, that there are several stories out there that deal with either the TMNT's merging with our world and then back again or one of us discovering ourselves in their world. I thought this one up on the fly at a time when I wasn't sure if such a topic had been dealt with before. I think my ending will be a tad different, but I apologize if the story line is similar to someone else's. I'm hoping that this will run about 10 chapters. No promises, though. As often happens, my characters sometimes have other ideas! If all goes well I will remain in control of this one! Enjoy.

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Have you ever had one of those dreams that seem so real when you wake up, that you don't know if you are truly awake? It almost feels as if waking up is the dream, while the dream is real life?

Well, I've had such a dream, but it has been more like a nightmare and one from which I'm still trying wake up.

It all happened about five years ago. I had been driving on an overcrowded freeway in the San Fernando Valley. It was late and it was dark, since daylight savings time had ended three weeks earlier. It was raining, too, coming down in sheets practically, and the roads were slick. I didn't particularly enjoy driving during rush hour traffic - especially after dusk and even more so in the rain. I would try my best to avoid it whenever I could. However, earlier in the day, I had taken my car into the shop for servicing. It was supposed to be done long before the evening commute began, but the mechanic couldn't get to it until late afternoon. When I had a friend drop me off at the time I thought the car would be ready, it wasn't. This didn't sit well with me, since it meant a longer wait, which meant I would have to deal with going-home traffic.

As I said, I hate dealing with traffic.

Of course, the mech checked my records and found that my brakes were due for replacing and my tires were a bit threadbare. While I was there, he showed me - good for him that he didn't do the work before showing me - and sure enough, the pads on the brakes were indeed thinning out. My tires didn't look all that bad (I've driven on worse). Still, I didn't have that kind of money; my little part-time job after school waitressing tables at Robins paid for my gas, my insurance, but little else. I relied on my car's reliability and so, I had to tell the mechanic 'No'.

Naturally, Murray warned me that if my current brakes failed, a funeral would cost me a whole lot more.

"I don't plan on getting into an accident." I told him smugly.

"People rarely do, miss." the man replied evenly, maybe even a bit condescendingly.

I just love it when someone can make a person feel like a complete fool. Just makes my day, let me tell ya!

"Look," I sighed, "I simply can't afford to do it this week. Can I bring it in the next?"

"You can do whatever you want, but given the weather right now," he raised one eyebrow in warning, as the sound of rain in the background added weight to his words, "at least get your tires replaced, otherwise you're taking a big chance."

"Well, I really _can't_ afford it this week. I'll bring it in next week. I promise!" I smiled wide.

Shrugging, he relented, "Fine, but you'll need to sign here on the receipt," and he handed me his pen, "stating that I warned you."

"No problem." I quickly scribbled my signature and then left to have a cup of coffee at the Starbucks down the street while he serviced my car.

An hour later and thirty minutes after sunset, I was back on the road again, traversing a rain-slicked freeway with bright red taillights glaring back at me. The Valley crawl was going at the break-neck speed of about five miles per hour, too. I was getting a head-rush with the acceleration. Still, knowing that my brakes and tires were not in the best of shape only added to my worries. More than anything, I wanted to be home and out of this traffic.

Suddenly, the backlog of cars sped up, spreading out like scattered debris as the freeway widened from four lanes to six. Thank goodness for CalTrans and their constant improvement of our highways! The half-dozen lanes were like a banner of achievement, justifying the one cent per dollar hike on our sales tax, and - if not for that - I think I would have moved to Oregon!

In any event, in no time we were all on our way at a good clip, and I cheered when my speedometer read sixty miles an hour. Despite the slickness of the road, I was elated! I knew I would be getting home earlier than I had originally planned, and so my mood lightened up. To celebrate, I slipped one of my favorite CD's into my car's player and began to sing along with the song. About half way through the first number, I thought about school and next week's midterm finals. Then I remembered the guy I had met the day before in bio lab - Chris - and thought about how nice he was.

"No, Alicia, you cannot get interested in guys, not yet!" I chided aloud to myself, stilling my singing for a moment. Seriously, I really didn't want a relationship right now. They had a nasty habit of distracting me from school. My goal was to wait until after graduation, after I found a job, before plunging back into the dating scene.

Another song had me singing once again, this time in full voice. I really got into it, too, moving my upper torso as I seat-danced. I was so into the song, I didn't notice that the traffic far ahead of me had slowed down.

Suddenly, the sharp sound of screeching tires brought me back to the present and my eyes snapped to attention. I found the taillights on the car in front of mine light up like beacons. They were blindingly bright against the evening dark and for a moment, I lost track of the car directly in front of mine. Just as my eyes adjusted, however, I saw that the car had slowed. _Wait, no, it's not slowing! It's stopped all together! _

Instinctively, I slammed on my brakes...but found to my horror that they had given out. Or, maybe it was my tires? Regardless, all I knew was that I was not slowing down!

As I watched the rear bumper of the car in front of mine approach faster than my mind could comprehend, I looked up and caught the driver's horrified expression staring back at me from his rearview mirror. I then looked in my own rearview mirror and, in contrast, the driver in the car behind mine didn't have a clue. He wasn't even looking my way! His car's winking right blinker told me that he was in the process of making a lane change. He was too engrossed with checking that side of the freeway, probably to get into a better moving lane. In doing so, he was oblivious to the impending accident happening just in front of him. I knew he would hit me before he could make the change. I wanted to shout for him to stop, but I knew he wouldn't hear me.

Nevertheless, in just a few seconds, it wouldn't matter, anyway, because I knew I was going to die. If not in the accident to come, most certainly from my dad! He had paid for the car, a gift to me for ace-ing my last semester. To end up totaling it in an accident would have me riding transit for the next ten years, an accident that I could have avoided had I given the okay to have my brakes - or my tires - fixed! In either case, my life would be over, at least in the way that I had lived it for the past year. My heart sank in premature despair.

For a nanosecond, I marveled at how indulgent my thoughts were, given the fact that I was hurtling at breakneck speed towards a stationary obstacle. It was almost like I was moving, existing, in slow motion. Every color, every sound seemed magnified, every prickle of my skin enhanced. The hair along my scalp rose as the skin there tightened with my increasing apprehension. I wondered, briefly, why I wasn't panicking. Then, just as I felt the first jolt of my front bumper crashing into the rear of the car in front of mine, just as I heard the squeal and groan of metal chaffing metal, with a million pieces of glass exploding violently all around me, the very instant I felt sharp, excruciating pain - I found myself in a room!

I was on my knees, my head bowed, and silence greeted me as I sat there.

I blinked. Several times, in fact.

It was the silence that seemed the most profound, though. A distinct contrast to the squeal and roar of crashing vehicles. As I became more aware of my surroundings, I heard an almost imperceptible sigh of someone breathing, someone apparently very close in proximity to me. With my head bowed - and my mind and body still in shock with the abrupt change in my environment - I strained my eyes to look as far forward as my posture would allow and still keep my bowed position. For some reason, I had this distinct feeling that to look up would not be a good idea, at least, not in that moment. I couldn't explain why, but I didn't challenge it, either.

I first saw the legs of what I perceived to be a chair, a rocking chair, to be exact. As I drew my line of sight inward, I saw a pair of legs draped in front, as if their owner was sitting in the aforementioned chair. I sucked in a startled breath. These legs were green!

As I allowed my eyes to travel down the legs to the feet and as I realized an amazing truth, I clenched my teeth tightly to keep from screaming. They were green, too, and scaly, and sporting only two toes. I hadn't seen anything like them before…but, wait, that's not correct. As I thought about it, I knew I had seen something like them. If my memory served me well, it was in cartoons and comic books. I stared hard at those feet, trying to remember to whom they belonged. What was it they called them? _Teen mutant reptiles?_ No, no that wasn't it. _Mutant shellback teens?_ Shoot. I used to know this stuff. In fact, I used to write stories about them when I was younger, but it all seemed so long ago.

_What. Were. They. Called? _

Before I could remember, I heard someone sigh deeply and then clear their throat and speak, their voice deep and resonating, "Well, I'm waiting."

Whoever it was, it was a male, a…man? Not with those green legs…said Sam I am. Oh, yes, I couldn't resist that one! I would have giggled, except for my present concern, and that was trying to figure out where in blazes I was and why Iwasn't in my car, and in an accident on a southern California freeway.

Ignoring the question and keeping my head bowed, because I was afraid to lift it up, I looked around to my right and left, allowing my eyes to do all the work. I saw lots of concrete, mostly along the floor where I kneeled. There were pieces of threadbare furniture, such as a sofa and a couple of chairs; a television, too, that had seen better days. There was a large assortment of items that I couldn't discern, all neatly piled along one wall to my right, and had I looked up I'm sure I would have seen more, but - I kept my head downcast.

"KIRA, answer me!" The legs directly in front of me stiffened, as if the person attached to it had leaned forward a bit.

Okay, was this voice talking to me? I licked my lips and swallowed hard. I hoped that whomever it was speaking might repeat their question or at least say something that would give me a bit more information to work with.

"Kira, I have asked you a question. I require an answer!" the voice stated and rather sternly, too.

Okay, so there _had_ been a question. Even worse, I had the distinct impression that this voice was talking to me. Why he was talking to me and calling me 'Kira', I hadn't a clue. After all, it was only a moment ago that I was Alicia, sitting behind the wheel of my car, heading for an accident. Had I been dreaming about that experience and this was my reality, or was this the dream and I was currently unconscious from that accident?

Maybe I was dead and this was hell?

Nevertheless, I was both confused and frightened.

Deciding to explain this situation with the 'voice', I tried to look up, to see who was talking to me. Unfortunately, I found my head rapped hard with something like a stick. I almost lost my balance, in fact, but managed to stay on my knees. "OW!" I exclaimed out of reflex, "What was that for?" I complained indignantly.

In a flash, I felt someone grab my arm and hoist me up to a stand. I was now facing Mr. Two-toes and I almost lost it completely.

I _knew_ who this person was. I **recognized** him…sort of. I knew that he was reptilian; I knew he was a turtle, but – _oh, what was his **name**?_ This was getting quite annoying, but I could see quite clearly, despite the blue mask of material partially covered his face, his disdain for me. I could tell easily enough that whomever he believed me to be, he was quite irritated with her.

_"Kira? Is that who I was to him?"_ _Why and…how? For that matter, why am I even here…and where's my car? _

I didn't have the luxury of furthering that thought though, as the blue-masked reptile began hollering at me.

"KIRA! YOU will answer me, NOW!" With my arm firm in his grasp, he shook me for emphasis and then smacked his stick – a walking stick, no less – against the concrete ground. Guess they couldn't afford carpeting.

Nevertheless, I noticed his well-muscled arms, legs, and chest – or what I learned in biology was a plastron where it concerned turtles. I recognized that he had a shell on his back, too, which confirmed his species.

Suddenly, a name, a title, popped into my mind. Teenage Mutant Turtles! That's what they were and there was something else about them, too. Presently, though, my mind was on other things more important. Important things, such as how do I answer a question that I hadn't even heard yet?

Deciding to be honest with him, I explained, "Quite frankly, I haven't a clue what you just asked me 'cause I sort of … " And then I thought about what I was going to say next and realized that as far as Mr. Two-Toes was concerned, I did not _'just arrive'_. Whomever he believed me to be, I had been sitting on the ground, on my knees in front of him, and for quite some time, it seems. The tired ache in my legs said as much.

"Sort of…what, Kira?" he spat back, snarling, "Sort of, decided to be your stubborn self? Sort of, decided you were not going to obey me? Sort of what, Kira?" Once again, he smacked the walking stick hard against the ground. Personally, I preferred that to having it smacking my head, but it was getting quite annoying nonetheless. For one thing, the sound it made echoed and by now, I had a splitting headache from having been whacked with it!

Still, one has to understand that in my real life or the dream life – whatever it truly was – I did not take such confrontations very well. In fact, I never let anyone talk to me like that. It was all very demeaning. I had a boyfriend once who was quite intimidating and manipulative. From that experience, I vowed never to permit such abuse against me again.

So, I finally spoke up and in the only way I knew how.

"Look, a moment ago I was on my way to a traffic accident…" I snarled, balling my fists, "… and now here I am standing before – what? A **turtle**? Not to mention one who talks, no less? Give me a freakin' break for crying out loud!"

Okay, note to self: when in Rome, do as the Romans do! I should have just gone with the flow and meekly ask him to repeat his question. Feigning mental distraction would have been better in the long run, not shooting my mouth off!

In an instant, he grabbed my arm with one hand and pulled me forcibly to my feet. Before I could figure out how he had done it so quickly, I found him dragging me through the room we were in and into a hallway. In no time, I was in another much larger room. Along one wall, I saw a collection of weapons and at the opposite side of the room an assortment of apparatuses similar to what one would find in a gym. The middle of the room was bare, however, but the whole place reminded me of a fitness center. In contrast to the first room, though, this one had carpeting. For a moment, my feet felt a bit of relief, and I wondered about that, because I knew I had shoes on earlier, so how could I feel the floor, but Mr. Two Toes had released me and was now yelling, again, so my thoughts evaporated into nothing. All I could hear was his very loud and angry voice.

"Kira, I told you the last time you did this that I would not go easy on you. I can see now that I've been way too lenient." He glared at me sternly and then turned and went over to where the weapons were.

While he looked at the equipment to decide which one to use – I guess, at least I assumed that's what he was doing - I studied him. He stood just a bit taller than I did. He was also well built – at least for a turtle, that is. I was mildly impressed with him, but the fact that he was supposed to be a character in a cartoon and not something of flesh and blood was still fresh on my mind. I was certain that any minute now I would wake up and be back in my car – or the hospital, but preferably, in my bed at home. That would mean not only was this a dream, but the accident was, too. I felt a lot like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz.

Yet as I scanned the various weapons, something clicked in my brain. I raised one eyebrow suspiciously as my memory refreshed, and then…my eyes went wide. There were knives, swords, strange sickle type weapons on that wall that looked more like harvesting tools, and several long staffs – some more ornate than others. Then there were thick wooden sticks connected with short lengths of chain. There were two sets of fork-like weapons, too, all paired up, and neatly hanging on a double peg. There were other tools, too, but I didn't have the foggiest notion what they were.

Still, in that moment, it occurred to me what the other part was to their name, the part that I had forgotten.

Teenage Mutant NINJA Turtles.

Good Lord, what kind of world was this, anyway?

Just then, Mr. Two-toes picked up two of the staffs and threw one over to me. I managed to catch it without dropping it, as I was still in a state of shock. I hadn't a clue to his intentions, but I did notice my antagonist smirk at my clumsy catch.

Then, he stepped towards me and barked sharply, "Prepare yourself, Kira!"

Prepare…myself? For…what?

Suddenly and without so much as a grunt, he lunged towards me; his staff raised high above his head, as if preparing to strike me down.

I went wide-eyed and screamed, dropping my staff. I scrambled for the exit as fast as my legs could carry me, only to suddenly find myself air-born. In the next moment, I slammed into the carpeted floor with a resounding and painful thud. I rolled along the ground like a discarded bundle, legs and arms flopping out of control, and as I came to a stop, I just laid flat on the floor, stunned.

What just happened? How did I end up here when I was running vertical only a second ago? A better question would have been why I was here in the first place and who was this Kira? I knew I was not her, but the one who had just tossed me like a rag doll thought I was.

Having enough of the whole thing, I cried out, face up and eyes shut tight in frustration, "Will someone please just tell me what in blazes is going on?" I opened my eyes again and found myself staring up at the ceiling, which was nothing more than a mish mash of concrete pipes and ducts, much like what one would find in a sewer. Hey, imagine that!

Nevertheless, I was near to hysteria, and becoming more and more convinced that this was not a dream at all. At the very least, the rug burn along my thigh screamed in support.

In an instant, a green face sporting the now all-too familiar blue mask stood over me. He scowled down at my prone form and, after a silent moment, Mr. Two Toes finally asked the golden question I so desperately wanted to hear.

"You went topside again, Kira, despite the rules about doing so during the day and, to make matters worse, you violated your time restrictions." He sighed wearily, "Kira, I want to know why? You know the rules about this and yet you continually break them." As he spread his arms outward in frustration, "I will ask you again; where were you?"

I felt mildly relieved to hear the mystery question. The only problem was I didn't have an answer, at least, an answer that was believable, anyway. To tell this large, over-grown turtle that, before finding myself here, in this place, in his presence, that I was on the 101 Freeway in southern California would not be a good thing. Nope, not at all. Still, he wanted – no, he DEMANDED an answer! I racked my little pea brain for one, too, but…truth be told, I came up empty.

Go me.

So, I quickly reassessed my situation, to see if in all of this craziness I might find a reasonable answer to give. From what I had gathered since 'arriving', I learned that this Kira was stubborn and disobedient, at least according to Mr. Two Toes. On top of that, she was now guilty of going somewhere forbidden. Where? Who cares at this point; it was wrong and he was mad, which meant I – presently Kira – was in a whole lot of trouble. And despite the fact that I hadn't had a curfew since high school, it seems in this reality, I – Kira – had stayed out past whatever time restraints Mr. Two Toes had implemented. Still, the face looking down at me was not going to go away until it had an answer to the sixty-thousand dollar question. Thinking about Mr. Two Toes' posturing and the question, as well as his accusations, I realized he was an authority figure over this Kira. If I were she, then my answer should sound respectful, right? Although I said before that I don't take abuse very well, I know when to fight and when to submit. I decided that any reply I gave him would be an outright lie, where I didn't have any idea where his Kira had been all night.

So, I went straight to the truth of the matter.

"I really don't know, sir." I replied innocently and honestly. I gave my best, 'I'm innocent' look and swallowed nervously.

Mr. Two-toes pulled his head back sharply. He had a most puzzled expression. "When did 'sir' become part of _**your**_ vocabulary?" he asked questioningly.

"Cuz – it's the respectable thing to say?" I answered slowly and unsure. Quite honestly, I didn't like my answer and I could tell that he didn't either. I wasn't sure if he was going to toss me like a rag doll again. He looked as if he was thinking about doing it, too!

Suddenly, he grabbed my hand and helped me back up to vertical just as swiftly as he had before in the other room. I noticed immediately that his expression had softened somewhat.

He sighed, then, and gave a subtle nod as he said, "Though I doubt very much you 'don't know' where you were, I recognize your attempt at showing me a little more respect." He gave a weak smile and seemed mildly pleased. That made me more relaxed, believe me.

Quickly, I assessed my situation. Aside from all the other attributes this Kira espoused, respect or showing such to others was not part of her personality makeup. It certainly matched her behavior, based on what Mr. Two Toes shared during his rant. To this end, I had an edge. I knew how to show respect. Considering the 'reward' for not doing so, I had the proper motivation! Therefore, I was certain I could survive my time here – wherever 'here' was.

As I looked down at my feet, though – a habit I had whenever I was thinking through a problem, I quickly discovered that I needed a rest room, if only to see what I looked like.

I had been so busy trying to make sense of my surroundings and my predicament, that I hadn't noticed my own self – until now. Looking down at my arms and legs, I noticed almost immediately that they were as green as Mr. Two Toes appendages, rather than the tawny gold of my sun-bathed California skin. Moreover, a distinctive lightness about my head told me that something else wasn't quite right and so I brought a hand up to caress it. Something was missing; namely my hair!

I began to panic.

"I think I need a restroom!" I declared wildly, the tremor in my voice betraying my crumbling composure.

I guess I sounded truly panicky to Mr. Two-toes, because he took a step back. The expression on his face changed to concern and he seemed to understand that to deny me would be a grievous mistake on his part. With a nod and pinched confused brow, he pointed towards the opened doorway and I immediately raced for it.

Once I was in the hall, however, I realized that I didn't know where the bathroom was.

Panicking, I asked loudly, my voice spiking anxiously, "Where is it? I - I – can't seem to remember where it is!"

Suddenly, another turtle like Mr. Two-toes (this one wearing a similar mask but orange in color) stepped out from one of the side rooms. "Hey, what yer look'n for, Kira?" He seemed nice enough.

"The rest room; where is it, please!" I begged, nearly hysterical.

"You're kidding, right? It where it's always been; right there!" and he pointed to an open doorway, just one down from his.

He seemed rather amused by my query, though, based on the grin he gave me. Personally, I wasn't the least bit entertained by my plight – not at all, in fact.

Without hesitating, I raced for the room, afraid that it would disappear if I didn't move fast enough. Once inside, I slammed the door closed and locked it behind me, but paused in turning around. I stood there, panting, my hand on the door handle. I suddenly sense someone on the other side.

"You alright, Kira? You sick or something?"

It was Mr. Orange Mask. His concern was quite considerate, but presently I didn't care.

Finally, I realized that I really wanted to see what I looked like. Once again, I studied my hands. Green – and scaly, just like Mr. Two Toes. Just like Mr. Orange Mask. That only meant one thing, of course. My mind made up, I slowly turned around and looked around the small room. I saw a mirror, situated over the one, lone wall-mounted sink. It looked as if it, like the television in the other room, had seen better days, but it still had enough silver on its backing for reflection. Beyond the mirror and sink was the toilet and beyond that, the tub, complete with a dog-eared shower curtain,. Towels hung over the top as if someone had recently showered and were now air-drying them. Yet, the mirror had all of my attention.

It wasn't very large or wide, but a standard size, and situated above the sink to allow adequate viewing. From where I stood, though, couldn't see anything, and I knew that in order to see what I looked like, I was going to have to move in front of it.

"Kira…"

Mr. Two Toes!

"I'm…fine…I think. Give me a moment, please," I begged.

"Are you…sick?"

"Not sure, not yet, anyway."

Slowly and with much trepidation, I began to move over to the sink and the mirror.

The moment I saw my reflection, the moment reality settled in, I knew I had assumed correctly.

And so I did what came naturally.

I let out a blood-curdling scream!


	2. And Why Is This A Good Thing?

_**Disclaimer** – No, I don't own them; would be nice, but I'm a realist. It won't happen. _

_Some readers have asked me how someone from the real world could get into the TMNT's world. Well, in case this is news, the TMNT's are fiction:0) I'm having fun with an idea that came to me just out of the blue. It's fanciful, maybe funny in parts - though I am trying to keep it a drama (but I have a feeling my sense of humor won't be so easily hobbled!) - and slightly skewed a little left of normal. Hmm... sort of redundant here, I guess. Either way, the ending will probably sum up all that has so far been happening to our hapless heroine, who – undoubtedly – will need a hero of sorts to rescue her from this nightmare! No promises of that happening, though. Bwahaha! _

_**A/N** – As of January 28, 2007, this is a rewrite. Any time I re-visit some of my old 'stuff' and whenever I find areas in need, I am compelled to 'fix it'. Since my creativity for more current projects is suffering, I'm hoping that by tweaking and improving my early work will help me find my way out of this pit. If not, well…at least I'm progressing with something. _

x x x x x x x

**CHAPTER 2 – AND WHY IS THIS A GOOD THING?**

Slumping to the bathroom floor in shock, after-images of what I saw in the mirror danced in my mind like ghostly apparitions.

_I can't believe this. I'm…a…a turtle? _

I couldn't help it, I screamed again, albeit not as loudly as before. I then sucked in a desperate breath and held it, closing my eyes tight against the mocking memory. Gritting my teeth, I pinched myself – hard - and hoped I would finally wake up! Unfortunately, the foggy dawn of wakefulness, that moment between phantasms and the harsh reality of day, did not come.

When I opened my eyes again, I found that I was still in the tiny bathroom with that accursed mirror looking down at me from its lofty perch above the sink.

Evidently, I was still dreaming…or…something terrible had indeed happened to me.

Still, never in my wildest dreams (or nightmares) did I think that something like this would ever happen to me. I mean, it's…impossible, it has to be. I'm still… human – right?

Considering my reflection from just a second ago, though, I really didn't know anymore.

As I sat there on the cold concrete floor, my arms wrapped tight around me, I had my back – um –_shell_ resting against the bathroom wall opposite from the sink. It was kind of weird, really. The shell sort of pushing me forward a bit more than what I was used to and now that I was more aware of it, I felt my balance slightly off. How was it that I didn't feel that way in that gym with Mr. Two Toes?

Nevertheless, I took three more measured breathes to calm my rapidly beating heart. I knew that freaking out wasn't going to help.

"Whatever's happened," I said breathlessly to myself, "I can't sit here forever." I stole a glance at the door, _Well, maybe for a few more minutes, I could. _

Curiously, I brought one hand up in front of my face to inspect it. Yep, it was still green, as was the other one when I paired it with the first! Not just green, but green with scales. And my face? Well, I really didn't get a good enough look before my collapse, but I had noticed my nose had changed. And I remembered seeing _pink_, too.

Curious, I ran my hands over my face, wondering where my nostrils were, now. I found them just a little higher up than normal, nearer towards my eyes. There wasn't much of a bridge, anymore, either, and I knew that wearing sunglasses would become a challenge, but as I fingered that area, I felt material.

_Hmm…that's strange. _

I traced my fingers around the cloth to the back of my head, where I found a knot. From the knot, I detected two moderately long bandanna tails. I tugged at one and felt it pull at my head, and then I brought the end around to look at it. That's when 'pink' made sense.

I realized, like Mr. Two Toes and Mr. Orange, that I wore a mask, and it seemed that my color was indeed pink.

Pink? Hmmm…a pink mask to imply that I was…female?

Well, I could be grateful for one thing; at least my gender hadn't changed.

Suddenly, I wondered. I looked down at myself and saw – a flat plastron. My eyes widened slightly and I kind of panicked a little.

_Great, not only have I lost my nose, I've lost my boobs, too! _

Although a pink mask I could deal with, being green, and scaly, AND a flat-chested turtle was something else all together.

I mumbled forlornly, "How in blazes could this have happen?"

Suddenly, a soft rapping sound from the other side of the closed bathroom door broke through my grand pity party.

"Kira? Are you - all right?" the voice asked haltingly.

Mr. Two Toes actually sounded concerned, a real nice improvement from how he talked to me only moments earlier. So, I took full advantage.

"NO!" I exclaimed loudly, anger lacing my words, and then I cringed. Considering his assessment of me from earlier, my outburst probably reinforced Mr. Two Toes' disgruntled attitude towards me.

_Great, just great! _

Suddenly, I felt my self-control slip away. My eyes filled with tears, but I managed to bite back the temptation to cry. I hoped Mr. Two Toes would interpret my shouting as desperate, a form of expression from how I behaved earlier just before running to the bathroom. Of course, my reasons for doing so were far different from what he probably thought. More than likely, he was probably more than PO'ed, now, with my obvious disregard for his concern. I had already discovered that this 'Kira' was ornery, obstinate, and very disrespectful. Consequently, it didn't take a rocket scientist to assume my yelling would fall in line with her other negative character traits like a dutiful soldier.

Half-expecting Mr. Two Toes to barge his way in, I was surprised when, instead, I heard muffled talking out in the hallway. It was Mr. Orange and Mr. Two Toes. They seemed to be discussing something. Maybe me?

Then, one of them spoke a little louder. Mr. Orange, I think. He used the name 'Kira' once or twice – yep, they're talking about me, or who they thought I was anyway. Although he whispered, I did hear something about 'still grieving', but he stated it as more of a question.

Grieving? Me? I haven't lost anyone close to me, not since losing my dog, Trixie, three years ago. Even with that, my life had been easy – up until now, that is. After all, I still had my grandparents – both sets - my favorite aunts and uncles. Other than losing a pet, I've lived a charmed life.

Yet, maybe this Kira lost someone close to her. If her behavior of late had been so bad as to create the kind of negative response from Mr. Two Toes, then maybe repressed grief could explain Kira's behavior. At least, that's what I learned in my psych class last semester. 

Then, I had a thought, a very disturbing thought, and I panicked again.

_What…if I start forgetting who I really am, what if I…forget my family? _

Keeping my voice low, I clicked off a list of personal facts about me, just to refresh my memory, to make certain that I hadn't forgotten who I truly was.

"Okay, my real name was and IS Alicia Gordon. I am a college student, twenty-two years old, and living in Los Angeles. I have a mom, a dad, two sisters, and a brother, so that proves I'm **not** this KIRA turtle-person!"

I mean, how could I have these kinds of memories unless they were mine to begin with?

Nonetheless, I could not refute the fact that my physical self – regardless of my memories – had changed. For reasons that defied logic or reason, my current name was Kira - a female mutant turtle, living somewhere where her home was made entirely of concrete, with not even one window from which to look out. Worst still, I was sharing space with at least two mutant ninja turtles just like her!

Yes, Kira might be a pretty name, but it was not mine nor was this life. I lived somewhere else entirely, I was sure of it.

Once again, though, the voice from the hallway interrupted my meanderings. Mr. Two Toes. I rolled my eyes and huffed, _Can't he just go away?_

I realized though, that since both Mr. Two Toes and Orange most likely had the same number of digits on their feet, I probably should be calling him Mr. Blue, as in the color of his mask. After all, that IS what I've been calling his counterpart.

"Kira, do you need my assistance?" Blue asked. He sounded quite sincere.

Without thinking, I repeated my answer from earlier, "NO! Just leave me alone for a while, okay!" and then cringed, again.

Seriously, I need to get rid of the attitude and I needed time to absorb this nightmare. Yet, how much time would I need, anyway? A millennium, give or take a hundred years or so? 

"Are you getting sick?" Blue then asked in concern.

Hmm...actually, I did feel a little queasy. But to say that I was getting sick?

"Noooo! I just need to be in here…for a while." I lamented sourly.

"Well, you can't stay in there. You know we only have one bathroom and there are others living here who need it. In fact, sooner rather than later."

Great, wouldn't you know that I'd end up in a world with only one bathroom! And then something about how he used the word 'others' had my mind reeling again.

_Are there more here like him and Mr. Orange?_

Yes, the more I considered that thought, the more I remembered that there _were_ indeed others. And, if memory serves correctly, there was a mutant rat amongst them, too. What was his name – Chip? Chipper? No, that wasn't it. Shoot, I used to know who he was. And I knew that Mr. Blue, and Mr. Orange had distinctive names, as well. The problem was, my recent shock at not only discovering I was kindred in appearance to some cartoon character, but also being somewhere alien to my real life, it seemed trivial to worry about remembering who everyone was.

Maybe I could wing it and just avoid trying to remember names altogether?

Or, maybe someone would unwittingly 'drop' a name or two? I could only hope, but given my recent run of luck...

"Kira…"

_Oh great, Mr. Orange, this time. Bet he has to go. _

"Kira, I need to get in there."

Yep, I was right, but before I could high-five – um – high-_three_ myself, he elaborated a bit more.

"Um, truth is, I was on my way to here when I came out of my room a moment ago. If you're not sick or if you don't need to be in there, I mean REALLY need to be in there, kind of like me, ya know…" 

"Do I have to come out _now_?" I asked meekly.

_Please say I don't have to, please, please, please! _

"Kira, Mike needs the restroom and you and I need to talk." Blue sighed, "So you either willingly open this door or I will personally dismantle it."

The door handle suddenly jiggled, as if someone was testing it. Shoot. Well, at least I had a name, now. Seems Mr. Orange's was Mike…and it was then when I remembered his full name!

Michelangelo!

Okay, there's a theme here, I can sense it, and I know that if I just focused a bit more, I'd be able to remember Mr. Blue's name, too. Nevertheless, I realized that I couldn't stay where I was indefinitely, so I finally stood up. Trying my best not to look in the mirror, I walked over to the door and opened it. I first saw Mr. Orange – Mike - and he smiled at me.

"Hey, thanks, Kira."

"Yeah, don't…mention it," I said sourly.

I noticed to Mike's left stood Mr. Blue, waiting for me.

_Hmmm…and I thought for sure that he would have been the first one I'd see. I wonder if it was Mike testing the door handle a moment ago._

"Kira, please come with me." Mr. Blue directed solemnly, sweeping one arm towards the gym area as if I needed directions. I couldn't tell if he was mad, since his face was quite unreadable. When I hesitated, his eyes narrowed a bit and I had the distinct feeling that hesitating again wasn't going to bode well. 

I gulped apprehensively, though. The gym was the room that I had just left, the room where the weapons were, and the room where Blue had tossed me to the ground, as if I weighed nothing at all. Remembering that experience gave me the shudders, so it didn't necessarily fill my heart with joy to go back there.

Suddenly, Mike smiled at me in sympathy. Out of reflex, I smiled back, and then sighed, before easing myself through the doorway and into the hall. I moved cautiously past Blue, slowly making my way through the corridor, trying to observe the various rooms along the way. However, I wasn't allowed even that meager privilege.

"You could move a little faster, Kira!" Blue encouraged sternly behind me. I obeyed without word, picking up my pace a little, as I headed towards the dreaded gym.

I still took a quick inventory of the various doors as I passed them, how many there were, and – if any were open – their contents.

Other than the room Mike had come out of, I found the remaining doors closed. So, as I came up to his, I gave a quick glance inside.

I noticed various posters on the walls and what furniture he had. I saw that Michelangelo slept on a full sized bed and it looked as if he hadn't made it, yet. Then, before Blue hastened me further by laying a hand on my shoulder and giving it a gentle push, I saw a large collection of CD's along one wall, all piled up alongside an older model CD player. Blue nudged me harder as we completed our pass in front of the door, but I managed to catch the image of a yellow throw rug centered on the floor of the room, but that was all I could see as my 'shadow' maneuvered me onward towards our destination.

Before I knew it, we were in the gym.

Quickly, Mr. Blue moved on ahead and then turned to face me, forcing me to stop. He looked me over, an ever-increasing softness edging his features. He took a breath and sternly instructed, "I want you to sit before me, Kira. We need to talk about your behavior and what we can do about it."

Without thinking, I replied, "I thought you just did something about it!"

Yes, I was irritated and not yet recovered from the shock I had in the bathroom. Yet, the moment the words left my mouth, Blue's cold, hard expression returned. I swear he could have wilted a Saguaro cactus right about then!

"SIT before me, Kira!" Blue demanded, his tone of voice brooking no challenge, his eyes narrow in anger.

Well, obviously, I didn't want a similar experience of finding myself thrown like the last time, so I immediately complied. I hit the floor on my rump and crossed my legs Indian style. I took a deep breath and sat there on the carpeted floor in front of him. As Blue stood me over me and as I cast my gaze downwards I suddenly realized something horrific.

I wasn't wearing anything other than that stupid pink mask!

Even though I had a plastron – and was quite sure that certain anatomical aspects to being female were more interior than exterior – it still didn't placate my embarrassment! So help me, I wanted to run out of that room faster than a cat with it's tail on fire. I had all I could do to remain sitting where I was! And I knew that, even if I had run out of the gym like before, I wouldn't know where to go to get something to wear.

So, for the first time since arriving in this strange, surreal world, I found myself chanting, _I'm a turtle, a turtle with a shell, I have nothing to be prudish for. I am a turtle, I don't need clothes! _

At the very least, I was saving on expenses. But, it still seemed strange not to be wearing something…other than a mask, anyway.

I felt myself blush, but I decided to focus on the task before me. Namely, listening to whatever it was Mr. Blue was going to say to me. So, I looked up at him and waited.

Once he felt he had my attention, the turtle started in, "I know that we have had some very difficult years ever since you hit your teens..."

Okay, that told me where I was on the chronological scale. Kira wasn't even in her twenties yet. How depressing.

"...but I want you to know, that as your father..."

Well, that explained my relationship to Blue. Could anything get worse?

"...and sensei..."

_Okaaaay….what… exactly… is a sensei?_

"...that I expect better behavior from you! You know how dangerous it is for any of us to go topside during the day, yet you continually challenge this and take chances."

Mr. Blue paused for a moment, his eyes searching mine. If I felt uncomfortable before, I felt even more so, now, sitting there and having him stare at me. Still, I detected a bit of redundancy with his argument. Didn't he say as much only a little while ago?

_Sheesh, get on with it and get to the point, already!_

It was then when I noticed that even though his expression was as hard as before, his face had begun to soften again.

Suddenly, without warning, Blue crouched down in front of me, firmly grabbing my shoulders. I startled, too, expecting the worst and so I tried to pull away, out of reflex, only Blue's grip along my shoulders tightened, keeping me seated on the floor.

When he spoke next, his voice sounded almost pleading, "No, Kira, please hear me out. Maybe…" he sighed, "maybe it is time that I give you some responsibilities."

Responsibilities? Hmm...like – maybe take out the trash? What kind of responsibility was he talking about? For the moment, I was just a little hesitant to get all giddy with anticipation.

His next statement surprised me, "So," he smiled a little, "I am assigning you to the post dinner watch. It will only be the seven to eleven shift, but I think you can handle it. Maybe when you turn sixteen next month you can do the late morning watch as well."

Okay, so I wasn't even sixteen yet. Not only that, but I he wanted me to 'watch' something. The way Blue worded it, his offer sounded almost as if he was rewarding me, as if I should be shouting for joy and excitement.

Heh, I wasn't, you can bet.

Still, despite the chance I was taking to appear impudent, I braved an inquiry.

"Ah, forgive me if I sound stupid, but – what exactly am I to _watch_ for?"

The most puzzled expression came over Mr. Blue's face, a direct contrast to his stern disciplinarian look.

Wait, maybe I should start calling him by his relationship to this Kira, which - for the moment - seems to be me. But, calling this mutant turtle Father was going to be one difficult assignment, of that I was sure!

Anyway, Father furrowed his eye ridges in confusion, and studied me for a moment longer. Then, slowly, a wry smile creased his snout, just a little, as he replied, "Kira, you should know what a watch is. It's when we patrol to keep tabs on any Foot activity."

Foot activity? I decided that ignorance was not bliss for the moment, "What foot activity? Pedestrians? Police? What do you mean by feet?"

He nearly laughed, "You've been spending way too much time around your Uncle Mike." Father then launched into explaining what he meant, "The Foot have been our enemy for the past eighteen years. You know this, especially with how many times they have forced us to move. You also know that they have stepped up their attacks on us. So, that is why we patrol; to make sure they do not find our lair. I can't believe I have to explain this to you." He shook his head as if truly amazed.

I shrugged, though, and tried to use self-depreciation to my benefit, "Guess I've been in la la land all these years and never really understood it that way."

Father nodded a little, trying to be understanding, but then he explained the details of my job, "You will be paired up with one of us, but in case you get separated or your partner leaves you for a moment, if you come across any Foot soldier, you are to run diversionary tactics, to lead them away from our lair."

My eyes went slightly wide with that bit of information. Leading these 'soldiers' away from the lair – and I assume that's where I was right now – might mean that I would end up farther away, too. Considering how 'just arrived' I was to this – _world_, I knew I'd be lost in no time!

Father caught my distress, too.

"You will have a cell phone, Kira, don't worry. If you find yourself separated, just call and we'll locate you. But, I don't think you will get lost; you know this city as well as I and your uncles do."

Great, now I'm expected to know my way around?

"Anyway, Kira, this is what we all do in order to keep ourselves alive! We have to know what the Foot are up to, otherwise they could surprise us and in the way that they have before. If we're not careful…" one of Father's eye ridges rose, "…the next time we might not be so lucky!"

And for this, I should be happy to have responsibilities?

Okay, giving me this kind of task was not going to be good. For one, I didn't have a clue where the lair was in relation to everything else that was 'topside'. Considering what I knew about New York's sewer tunnels – not that I had ever visited any in my 'previous' life - I knew that it ran like an intricate maze through many levels beneath the streets of the Big Apple. Since this Kira had been a part of that environment for nearly sixteen years, it was a safe bet that she knew her way around, just as 'Father' said.

Unfortunately, I wasn't Kira, which meant I would get lost. More importantly, though, it made me wonder where the real Kira was!

x x x x x x

**TBC **


	3. Say What?

_**A/N** – I do not own any TMNT's. Never have, never will. I also wish to express my appreciation and thanks to all of those who reviewed. I know this is a strange story, but bear with me! I'm hoping to get things moving a long a little here, with some action scenes in up and coming chapters. For those who haven't reviewed, please free to start anytime:0) It's good to get feedback, whether you like this story or not. Maybe I've made an error or possibly something more grievous? Or maybe you have some suggestions? Hmm ... either way, R&R. It's what we fan fiction writers live for:0) Be blessed! _

_**A/N #2** – As of January 28th, 2008, this story is a re-write from the original upload. I am slowly re-tooling each chapter to reflect my current writing style. I'm trying to improve WTAN, so if you see any changes – that is if you've read it before 'way back when' - feel free to PM me, as I'm certain you won't be able to review a second time, that is if you reviewed the first time. And, it goes without saying that if you've never reviewed, I'd love some feedback – especially constructive. :0) _

**Chapter 3 – Say What? **

As I sat there in front of 'Father', I mulled over the things he just said regarding what my 'watch' would consist of. I saw at least three things wrong with his idea, though.

First, how was I even going to recognize these 'Foot' people? If I don't remember what they look like or even know what they were, that alone could endanger not only my life, but the safety of this lair as well.

Secondly, how do I confuse them enough to where they wouldn't find the lair when even I didn't know where it was? It seemed silly to me; sort of like the blind leading the blind, only in this case I would be trying to lose them!

Thirdly and scariest of all, if I did have to defend myself, how was THAT going to happen? I can't even fight my way out of a paper bag! I lost all of my 'fights' with my sisters and brother, albeit most of them were verbal. We might have tussled once or twice, but physical conflicts were strictly forbidden in my family.

So, recognizing that this was indeed a potentially dangerous situation, I voiced my concerns.

"Ah, I do have a few questions...what if I get lost? Um, it's rather hard to explain, but I kind of forgot where 'here' is for the moment." I said rather sheepishly, smiling a little in my nervousness.

Father looked at me from his squat and furrowed his brow. "What...do you mean you forgot where 'here' is?"

"Well, where exactly are we?"

Since I knew he was under the assumption that I was this Kira, his daughter who had grown up around him and his kin, I really didn't have a clue how I was going to explain my ignorance. I mean, why would he believe me? Using my excuse as 'just arriving' sounded ridiculous, even to me, but there wasn't any way I would venture out on this 'watch' detail until I was certain where the Lair was.

"Kira, don't fool with me, okay?" Father growled, "I'm not in the mood for it. You should count yourself lucky I didn't impose two hours of katas on you!"

Without thinking and I seemed to be doing a lot of that of late, I asked him, "What is a 'kata'?" I was so confused.

If his eye ridges could pinch together any closer than they were, they'd be switching sides!

Growling, Father rose to a stand and barked, "Enough of this foolishness. You will now do exactly what I said you were fortunate enough to avoid. Two hours with no breaks, no rest, no bathroom visits!"

By this point, I was getting just a little annoyed. I felt my tolerance with what was going on becoming more and more strained. I felt my emotions kicking in and knew it meant trouble for me.

With hardly a thought, I stood up in defiance and declared loudly, facing this one who called himself my Father, "How can I lure people away from where I am when I don't know where I am in the first place - and what's with the 'katas', anyway? I haven't a clue what you're asking me to do. I'm sorry but it's the truth. I - just don't – REMEMBER!" True to how I would normally react to frustrating situations in my former life, I began to cry. "H - how c - can I – I even do something when I just d – don't understand!" I wailed, tears now flowing freely down my face.

Father stood there staring at me. He was, for all practical purposes, in a state of disbelief. I guess he hadn't expected my reaction. Maybe Kira never cried or expressed any emotional outbursts like what I was doing now. Either way, I had had enough.

I stood up and ran out of the room. I heard him call me back in a loud angry voice, but I just couldn't stop; I had to get out. The need to flee had gnawed at me from the moment I arrived in this personal hell of mine and now all I wanted to do was to run away!

I ran passed the opened door that was Mike's room. I didn't even look to see if he was still in there. I ran through the corridor and into the first room where I initially arrived after my car accident. I noticed someone sitting in the rocker while another of the turtles, this one wearing a red mask, was exiting what looked like the kitchen area.

"Hey, Kira, what's the rush?" he asked as he attempted to block my path.

I dodged passed him, however, and though he tried to grab for me, I turned a swift one eighty around him and slipped beyond his reach. I did this quickly, which surprised me a great deal.

_How'd I do that? _

Nevertheless, in my panic I pushed that thought aside, never slowing down, and as I raced towards what I assumed to be the front door.

Just as I grabbed the handle and tried to yank it open, I realized almost immediately that they had the door locked. Frantically I searched around the knob, trying to find the latch to unlock it, but I found absolutely nothing. So, I grabbed the door handle again.

"How – come - this – stupid – door - won't – open!" I seethed between sobs, jerking on the handle, trying to force it open.

Suddenly, I noticed a panel just to the right of the barrier, with a series of numbers from zero to nine decorating as many buttons. My heart sank as I realized that this was the lock and without the combination, I would be getting out.

I leaned into the door and groaned. I was trapped!

Fearing the wrath of many, I turned around and saw 'Father' coming into the room, his eyes ablaze with fury. Mike walked close behind him, more confused than angry.

Standing off to one side of the room, near the kitchen doorway, Mr. Red - his arms crossed in front of him, a lopsided smug smile gracing his face - watched the spectacle with much amusement.

Then, I took notice of the other occupant in the room, the one in the chair. It was then that I recognized he was different from the rest. This one was - a rat! A rather large rat, the biggest rat I had ever seen. Just as the others were doing, the rat stared at me, confused, and concerned. And then another turtle - this one wearing a purple bandanna - came into the room from the same hallway as Father and Mike had, joining the rest of us in the living area.

_Well, gee, since the gang's all here, let's party!_ I mumbled under my breath.

"What's all the ruckus abou..." Purple began to say, but when he spied me cowering by the door, he sighed and almost rolled his eyes, "Oh, it's just Kira...acting up again, Leo? Should have known." He then casually walked towards the kitchen, ignoring me with an air of disdain, and muttering on about the 'curse' of having kids or something like that. He disappeared inside the room and then I heard a cabinet door open, a telltale squeak announcing a need to oil the hinges.

But his comment about me being a curse caused me pause. Me, I'm a curse? If anything, I was the one cursed. But, I decided to keep my mouth shut for once. Probably wouldn't have done me much good, anyway.

"Kira, what has gotten into you?" Father asked. He stood there with his hands on his hips, scowling at me. He shook his head in reproof and I wanted to hide, I just wanted to go back to wherever I had been before my personal hell had started. Even a hospital bed would be better than this right now.

Father gave me one long disapproving look and then he turned to the turtle in red, "Raph, go and have Don make some of that _tea_, okay? We'll work here on getting her calmed down.

Something's up and I want to get to the bottom of it." Father then looked back at me and sighed. He relaxed, then, obviously confident that I would not be escaping just yet.

Raph glared at me, snorted once, and then he turned towards the kitchen, his swagger quite pronounced. As he disappeared through the doorway and from view, I thought about his name and, as I thought about his name, I realized it had to be short for Raphael. Just saying his name in my mind brought forth the other names; Leonardo – who would be my Father in this instance – Michelangelo, whom I had already figured out and who wore orange, while the one in purple - the one who had called me a curse - had to be Donatello.

As for the rat? Well, it certainly wasn't Chipper, that's for sure. If I wasn't mistaken, I knew his name was Splinter. It was all coming back to me now, except I was still confident that this realm, this world, was not mine. I might have finally remembered who these turtles where and what they were known as, but I was still adamant that my name was Alicia Gordon and NOT Kira!

Nevertheless, with my back to the door I realized that I didn't have a way out. I slid to the floor in a heap, defeated, and this time I cried, unable to hold back the deluge. I almost became hysterical with despair.

"This can't be real, this can't be happening; I must be in hell!" I sobbed, drawing my legs up, and hugging them tightly to me. I then buried my head into my knees and cried harder. I just wanted to disappear.

Instead, I felt arms wrap around me and I flinched, afraid. I wasn't sure who it was or what they were going to do to me. Suddenly, I felt myself lifted up by those same arms, strong arms that cradled me. I felt myself carried back through the living room and, so, I chanced a look and saw it was the turtle in blue, the one who had said he was my father. Leonardo.

His expression had softened considerably. He almost exhibited genuine concern and compassion. He hugged me close to him as he carried me; trying to comfort me, giving me words of encouragement.

"I don't know what's wrong, Kira, but I promise you, we'll work it out together," he murmured.

Quite honestly, I didn't have any fight left, not that I was trying to fight. But I was exhausted from the emotional trauma of finding myself in such a strange and foreign environment. I closed my eyes against the never-ending assault of strangeness and allowed Leo to take me to wherever he wanted to take me.

I wasn't long before I felt him adjust his hold and then I heard a door open, a similar squeak announcing another set of hinges that needed oiling.

I opened my eyes a little found that I was inside another room. It was different from the gym and the bathroom, or even Mike's bedroom. This one seemed more feminine in the way it was decorated, more like what a teenage girl would enjoy.

_Ah, yes...must be my room he's taken me to, or Kira's to be exact_.

As Father carried me through the room, I saw posters on the wall of cute animals and faraway scenes depicting castles. As he swung around, I next noticed a bed; it was twin sized, with a yellow and pink floral bedspread. Although a bit worn, it didn't look raggedy, either.

Deftly keeping hold of me with one arm, Father eased the comforter and blankets back. With one smooth motion, he had me on the mattress and covered up before I could even protest. As I lay my head on the pillow, I gave in completely to it. It felt good to have my head on something soft like that and I realized then how very tired I was. I closed my eyes as Father tucked the edges of the blankets under the mattress, securing me to the bed nice and tight. A wave of nostalgia swept over me, though, a memory from my childhood when my own father would tuck me in for the evening.

All of a sudden, tears came unbidden once again, and I cried again, this time for my family, the people who knew me as Alicia Gordon. Did they know I was missing? Were they missing me? These thoughts caused me to cry even harder.

All through my emotional breakdown, Father stayed seated by my bed, sitting on the floor next to me, gently stroking my head. After a while, I calmed down. I watched him through slotted, puffy eyes. He seemed genuinely concerned, yet with a bit of sadness in his expression, too.

Soon, Donatello came into the room and handed Father something. It was a cup, china blue in color, chipped a little around the pedestal, and I could see steam rising from in wispy, transparent tendrils.

"Kira, honey, I want you to drink this. It'll help you relax." Father entreated.

I shook my head, "No, I don't want anything; I just want to be left alone."

"You need to drink this; I insist!" he stated determinedly.

Again I refused. For all I knew they wanted to sedate me to keep me from escaping. Though I was for the moment lying down, my mind raced with ideas with how to get out of the lair, to escape, to get back to my old life.

"Kira, I will forcibly make you drink this. Please try to cooperate for once! It's for your own good!" Father pleaded again.

I shuddered at the thought of his forcing me to drink what was probably an elixir to sedate me. I looked up at Donatello and saw an all too familiar expression on his face, a hard unsympathetic look similar to the one that Father wore earlier.

Nonetheless, I realized that between the two of them, they would probably succeed in getting me to drink.

Resigned to my fate - at least for the moment, I relented. Father smiled as I nodded my cooperation. He gently cupped his right hand behind my head and lifted it, pressing the cup to my lips with his other hand. I anticipated a liquid that would curl my teeth, but instead I found a honey sweetened lavender and mint beverage, just hot enough to warm me as it slid down my throat. It was actually quite good and I found myself gulping it readily. Father smiled, pleased.

Then, just as I suspected, after I finished the last drop and as Father released my head to the pillow, I felt sleep pull on my eyelids. I knew then that they had indeed sedated me. Just before sleep overtook me completely, I silently prayed that if I did find slumber, when I awoke, this nightmare would indeed be just that. One very bad and distorted dream.


	4. Memories

**_A/N - Yes, I don't own them. _**

_As of this date - January 28th 2007 - chapter 4 will show a more improved, streamlined, and hopefully better read. I'm only cleaning up the grammatical mistakes or making minor additions to flesh out this story a little more. If this is not your first time through, some of it will be so undiscernable, you probably won't be able to tell. I'm doing this for me. :0) I'm anal like that. LOL_

**CHAPTER 4 – Memories **

I didn't know how long I had slept, but as my mind began to wake up, I could hear voices. They seemed distant to me as if they were in another room. They weren't familiar, but then again, they were.

_How...can that be? _

I mumbled a few incoherent words, maybe it was regarding who they were or about something from the weird dream that I just had. I didn't know for sure, but one thing was certain. These voices responded to mine and I could hear excitement coming from them, now, as if I had just said something incredibly amazing.

As I became more aware that I was waking up, however, the conversations faded away until I couldn't hear anything at all. With my eyes closed, I thought that I was still in that nether-land of wakefulness that happens between dreaming and consciousness. As I moved around a little, I felt heavy covers on top of me, but then I felt something pinch me in the crook of my right arm and I startled.

My eyes snapped opened in surprise and I sat up. I brought my arm up quickly, expecting something there, but I found nothing, not even a mark.

However, one thing I did see reminded me that I had not been dreaming after all. I was still green, I still had a plastron, and my face still sported a pink mask - that is if the one bandanna tail gracing my right shoulder was proof.

Resigned to the obvious, I relaxed against the mattress again, burrowing under the covers a bit more. I allowed the realization to sink in, that my dream had in fact been real and not imagined.

I was very disappointed.

Sighing deeply, I gulped back the flood of emotions that wanted to overtake me. It must be true, then; I wasn't in California anymore and maybe I never was in the first place. Maybe that was the dream and this was my reality?

But, why could I remember my human life so well, and not the one that I'm now a part of? Why, in just one fleeting moment, have I ended up three thousand miles away from where I once called home?

None of it made sense to me, not at all in fact.

While lying against my pillow, I tried to inspect the room a little better than when Leonardo – Father – first put me here. I saw the posters again and smiled just a little. This Kira liked animals, it seemed. There were pictures of horses, kittens, and puppies, along with a white fur seal pup. Posters like what any teenage girl would tape to her bedroom walls. They seemed a little worn, though, as if retrieved from a dumpster, but they did well in adding color and interest to the otherwise drab, concrete room.

There were also pictures of forests and castles. I could see some handwriting on these posters, too, which piqued my curiosity. Gently shoving the covers off me, I shivered when I felt the chill in the room, but I dismissed it. I wanted to see what this Kira had written.

At first, when I stood up, I felt a little dizzy.

_Probably something to do with that tea Father made me drink,_ I reasoned.

I waited for it to pass and, when it did, I walked slowly over to the first poster.

It showed a beautifully shaded forest, with lots of ferns and large, familiar trees – I think the trees were Redwoods. A pathway led through them, bathed in beams of sunlight filtering down through the massive branches above. The rays illuminated the dirt path and surrounding green foliage with an ethereal golden glow. It was quite beautiful and beckoned the observer to take a walk amongst the stately giants.

However, I stared slack jawed at the writing. I was in shock and not for the life of me could I believe what I was reading. It was my own handwriting! I would recognize it anywhere, just as anyone else would their own personal signature.

"How in ..." I began to say, but stopped from the weight of my stunned response. I just couldn't figure this out. I was mesmerized and completely unprepared for this. It dumbfounded me in more ways than I could fathom, certainly more so than what happened previously when I first arrived in this concrete world.

Curiosity grabbed me, though, and so I read the inscription. It said, "You Are Here", scribbled at an angle along the path in the picture, with a hand-drawn arrow pointing towards the scene's horizon.

_Yeah, if only,_ I thought wryly.

I then looked over at the castle picture and walked up to it. Once again, the same familiar handwriting scrawled along the middle of the poster, this one reading, "One day, my Prince will come".

It was obvious that this Kira longed to be somewhere else but here in this room, in this concrete lair, much the same way I was presently feeling. I shook my head in amazement. Well, it was perfectly obvious that either Kira had my exact same handwriting or - and this was where my mind just couldn't accept - I was indeed Kira.

Yet, how could I imagine an entire life of being a human up to the point of that accident on the freeway? I could distinctly remember every major event in my other existence, as if it had been there just yesterday. For Pete's sake, I remember Christmas holidays with my family! That thought alone played with my emotions big time. My family! What were my real father and my mother going to do, now? I was gone from them, no more a part of their lives and, most certainly, they were no longer a part of mine. My brother and two sisters would also be heartbroken over my absence as well. What about my friends, my college education, my – life as I had known it?

Then again, if Kira is really me, then how could my dream family miss me, or I them?

I returned to my bed and slumped down onto it, confused. I lay back against the mattress and pillow, and brought one arm across my face and began to sob all over again. It felt so real, how much I missed them. How can this have happened? How can I miss something that isn't real? I've had dreams that were so life-like, that it took a while to wake up and let go of the sensation, but they always dissipated, they never hung around for long.

Not this one, though!

Still, given the fact I was clueless to my existence as Kira, what was I going to do, now? How could I reside in this world knowing that I had a life filled with people that I loved in an entirely different existence?

Heck, for that matter, how can I survive in this world when I've forgotten everything about it?

I was in such despair with crying, that it drowned out all other sounds. I didn't notice that someone had opened my bedroom door and had stepped inside my room. The next thing I knew, the 'someone' was sitting on the edge of my bed and had grasped my one hand lying across my stomach. I startled, pulling my arm quickly away from my face to shoot a look at whomever it was who had grabbed me.

It was Leo, the 'Father' in the world that I now seemed to belong.

"Kira, you want to talk about it, sweetheart?" he asked, a look of genuine concern plainly etched upon his face.

I shook my head 'No' and turned on my to face the concrete wall against which the bed lay. I choked back more tears, determined to regain some measure of control, but it was difficult at best.

Every time I thought of this person sitting next to me as Father, I kept seeing my own human father's face; his gentle eyes, his easy smile that creased his mouth so often in my lifetime. I keened inside for his deep and resonating baritone voice, which would often break out in song just because he felt like it! The summer walks along the beach that just the two of us would take whenever I was feeling blue came swiftly to mind. I thought of the beach house he insisted on buying, just so our family could have immediate access to the beach in the first place. My dad was my rock and my moor whenever my life turned upside down.

Right now, I needed him more than ever. Certainly more than this one who sat next to me. This one was determined to overwhelm me with 'responsibilities' I felt I was ill prepared to follow through. At least, as far as I was concerned.

"Kira, you need to talk to me. Keeping this inside of you is not healthy and it's causing nothing but problems for everyone else in the clan. You need to open up and stop running away!" Leo/Father insisted.

"Just go away; leave me alone!" I sobbed uncontrollably. I pulled further away from him, nearly hugging the wall. His hand, however, would not let go of mine! I tried to wrest my hand away, but he held it firm in his.

"No, I'm not going to leave you. I will remain where I am until you decide to talk to me." I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was quite sincere – and determined!

I just shrugged, though, as another sob racked my body. I figured after a while, maybe even a long while, he would tire of the silent treatment and leave.

I figured wrong, however.

I didn't know how long he sat there, but my body told me it was a very long time, maybe an hour, maybe more. I had the need to visit the restroom and my stomach felt empty. I was hungry and the gurgling sounds became more insistent as the minutes ticked by, but I tried my best to ignore them.

However, my other problem – my need for the restroom - was a different matter all together.

"I need to get up." I commented.

"Not until you talk to me." Father insisted.

"I have to go." I demanded, glaring over at him.

"Too bad. Tell me what's going on with you and I'll let you up." He had an ace-in-hand and he knew it.

"Then this bed's going to get mighty wet!" I countered.

"It's your bed, not mine. You're the one who has to sleep in it!" he replied smugly.

_Blast him! _

I gave him a stony look and pursed my lips defiantly. I tried to retrieve my hand but he held onto it. My arm started to protest its position where it Father had held it in place for so long. "Please, my arm is hurting." I forced out as nicely as I could.

"Not until you talk to me!"

Good golly, was that all he could think about? Fine then. I'll talk to him, but he's going to get the whole ugly story.

"You want me to talk, eh?" I snorted. He nodded and seemed determined to hold fast to his conditions, gripping my hand tighter. "Okay, I'll talk."

So, I sat up and that was when he let go of my hand. I rubbed out the ache in my arm, working my fingers over leathery skin, and scowled over at him.

When my arm began feeling normal again, I growled angrily, "Before I found myself kneeling in front of you in that living room, I was on the 101 freeway in California, driving through pouring rain. I was heading home after having my car in the shop for an oil and lube. In that life I was twenty-two and not fifteen - soon to be sixteen!" I paused to catch my breath, ignoring 'Father's' widening expression, and continued with my story, a sprinkling of sarcasm edging my words, "The _next_ thing I know, traffic in front of me came to a sudden stopped and when I tried to brake, they had given out! I remember the crunch of metal and how it sounded." I shivered slightly, remembering how awful that was to hear, but I continued my account, "I then remember glass breaking and I felt pain, and then – just like that..." I snapped my fingers – and for some reason if felt odd. I looked at my hands and realized that I only had three fingers on each. Because of my momentary distraction, I meekly finished, "...I – was – sitting – before - you." My voice trailed off to a bare whisper.

I looked at my fingers and just stared. Why didn't I notice them before now? Was I that out of it from stress and shock? How could I not be aware of this?

"Kira, what's wrong. You keep looking at your hands." Father asked, somewhat uneasily.

"My – hands. I have only – three fingers on each hand." I commented in awe.

"Yes...and...so do I." He replied, showing me his own fingers and wiggling them. He smiled, albeit it wasn't a broad smile, but one laced with worry. Then, he began to scowl.

I sat up on the bed and looked at Father hard. I studied his puzzled expression and knew that he was getting annoyed again. It seemed my story was not going over well with him.

Then, I wondered about something.

"Who am I?" I asked desperately, my eyes slightly wide in anticipation. Yes, I knew my name was Kira, I knew Leo was supposed to be my father, but where and how did I become?

Stating the obvious, Leo replied cautiously, "You're Kira, my daughter, and you're in your bedroom, in our lair in the sewers under New York City."

"No, that's not what I meant...I mean, how did I become...**your** daughter?" I asked quietly.

Father became quiet, almost melancholy. He sighed deeply as if he I was forcing him to remember something unpleasant. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and then said as he opened them again to look at me, his expression solemn, "You were born to Mei Pei and me almost sixteen years ago."

"Mei Pei? She – is my mother? Wh – where is she?" I asked.

As soon as I had asked the question, Father looked stricken, as if insulted that I would even venture to ask such a thing. Licking his lips and giving me a look that would be better described as painful, he replied softly.

"She was killed three years ago, Kira, right before your thirteenth birthday. When the Foot ambushed us at our old lair, one of them shot her with a poisoned arrow. Kira, your mother died – while protecting you!"


	5. Reluctant Acceptance

A/N: As always, ownership of the TMNT's will never have my name attached to it. My interest and creativity is from the inspiration and encouragement of those readers and authors who continually drive me to write better – and more often! Without your input and encouragements, I'd have given up long ago! Thank!  
  
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CHAPTER 5 – Reluctant Acceptance  
  
I was finally allowed to visit the restroom. Father's sudden mood change from talking about Mei Pei's death afforded me a break in his inquisition. I was quite happy to be released, that was certain.  
  
After doing my business I decided that I couldn't deny who and what I was anymore. I stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom. I stared for the longest time at my reflection, studying my face and my form. I was fearful and amazed all in the same moment. It just seemed so surreal for me. Knowing that for now I had to adjust to this reality, it still pained me to realize what I had left behind in the other. Sheesh, just when I was starting to get an idea of what I wanted to do with my life, too.  
  
When I was human and living in California, it had taken a couple of years of experiencing university life before finding a major that was interesting to me. Once I made up my mind, my main focus of study became biology. I hadn't yet decided what area to concentrate in, though, since there were so many to choose from. But, I had been mildly interested in zoology. I took the basic course as part of my biology prerequisite. Along the way I discovered a love for nature. Since it covered the foundation for all life I gained a little knowledge about herpetology.  
  
Probably the most interesting fact I learned from that class was that turtles, for the most part, did not have ribs. Also, their spines were fused to the back of their shells. Yet the basic skeletal system for their body was their plastron in the front, or bottom, and their carapace on the back, or top. They did have some sort of bone structure for their limbs, tail, and neck, however. Turtles had appendages in front with a pectoral girdle that was connected to the bones of the cervical vertebrate, or neck, just inside the shell. In the rear, they had appendages as well, of course, with a pelvic girdle that adhered to the end of the spinal column just before the tail. I wondered, then, how much I represented the common turtle internally and what part of my anatomy had changed due to the inherent mutation.  
  
Of course, the way I had moved around when I first 'arrived' pretty much told me that I had more movability than what my zoology class taught me about turtles. But I hadn't really considered it then since I was more in a state of shock and panic; completely overwhelmed with where I was for the moment.  
  
I moved around in the bathroom a little to test my self. I swung my arms out and about to see what kind of flexibility I had. I was amused to find that whatever mutation-enhanced change I inherited from Leo and Mei Pei – if indeed they were my parents – it afforded me mobility above and beyond the average hard-shelled reptile! It was possible that the human element that changed them added more bone structure to the turtles' physiology. Since I could swing my arms completely around like a windmill it said as much.  
  
My plastron was hard but not rigid, allowing me to twist and bend. Most turtles would have been prohibited from such forward movement because of how their carapace was attached. However, my shell allowed this since it wasn't as attached in the severe way that it would be normally. It came away from my buttocks and sides a little more which let me bend over or turn without much hindrance. However, I did note that I had lost my trim waist-line completely! That was depressing to say the least.  
  
Another startling aspect of the new me was the fact that I sported a tail! I wondered about that as I was reminiscing over my zoology class. Reaching back as far and as low as I could to determine if I was so endowed I nearly jumped when I touched it! Not only did it freak me out to even have one, I also found that it was loaded with nerve endings! It was very sensitive and, in my opinion, a little too much so. I pretty much made up my mind to leave it alone.  
  
My face, however, was not typically turtle-esque, either. Though my lips were not like they were when I was human, they were more obvious than your garden variety terrapin – and wider. That afforded me the ability to enunciate words. Of course, I had a denture structure that was contrary to what the average chelonian had. Turtles didn't normally have teeth. Again, I knew that the human aspect to the turtles' mutation helped attribute to this condition.  
  
I took my bandanna off to expose my face a little more. My eyes were large and spaced rather far apart. Unlike where a regular turtle would have had their eye placement along the side of their head, mine – like my 'father's' - was full on the front of my face. Once again the human ingredient the reason for that incredible change made itself known.  
  
Regarding my eyes, they were brown in color and ringed with blue, which I thought fascinating. I knew that the common box turtle – which I believed our species was – had different colored iris rings; purple, gold, yellow, orange, or even pale red. But, mine was blue. I knew that males had reddish hued irises that enjoyed yellow, white, or purple rings around them. Hmm...I wonder what color Father had? With his bandanna on and my distraction with why I was here in the first place, I hadn't taken the time to notice.  
  
Well, once I was pretty much done with inspecting me and at a point where I was convinced my reality wasn't going to change any time soon, I decided to finally leave the bathroom.  
  
Father was waiting for me right outside the door.  
  
"What took you so long?" he asked inquisitively. I could sense that he was still concerned about me, yet there was a marked bit of impatience to his voice, too.  
  
"Just – checking things out is all." I mumbled softly.  
  
"Well, I think we need to discuss this 'story' of yours a little more. Come with me, Kira." And then Father nodded in the direction of the living area.  
  
Sighing and realizing that he wasn't going to accept my explanation for my behavior, I resigned myself to do as I was told. I followed him dejectedly through the corridor and into the main room. I discovered that the other three turtles and Splinter were patiently waiting for us there. They all noticed my entrance immediately and almost simultaneously they each took a deep breath. It was as if they anticipated some outburst or reaction from me.  
  
I looked back down at my feet sheepishly. Right away, that was when I noticed that I had two toes on each foot as well. I guess I didn't bother to check that fact while I was still in the bathroom. All it did, however, was add one more thing to my list of weirdness for the day.  
  
I was overwhelmed with their presence. With the obvious black mood that hung like a wet blanket over the scene, all I could do was to pull into myself emotionally. I didn't know how to respond to them but it was obvious that they were all too familiar with me, but not necessarily in a good way.  
  
"Kira, take a seat, please." Father instructed as he took the last chair available.  
  
Splinter was in the rocker while Mike was seated in another chair, smiling at me in a sort of sympathetic way. I smiled back a little bit, but it was forced and I knew it. He did, too. I could discern understanding in his face but there was also a slight bit of irritation, as well. If I remembered correctly from what I knew about their different personalities, Michelangelo was the easy going fun guy of the group. To sense his impatience with me now made it seem like I had done something terribly wrong or had pushed everyone beyond their limits.  
  
I looked around and found that the only seating available was the couch. However, to my chagrin Raphael and Donatello were already sitting there, each occupying an end of the sofa. This afforded me the middle. I realized right then that I was being coerced to sit in-between them. Donatello's gruff comment earlier concerning my attempt to get out of the lair affected me deeply. But Raph's snort of disgust when he went to tell his brother to make the tea that Father had given me just made me insecure. My heart dropped in that moment. It was a good strategy on Father's part to put me between the two members of his family that would probably not put up with much from me. That was if I gave them reason to.  
  
Well, I would not satisfy that assumption. I was determined to get through this personal hell of mine the best way I could. For now, it was all I could do anyway.  
  
"Kira, I want you to repeat to the rest of the clan what you told me earlier in your room about your 'previous life'." Father commanded evenly. His whole being told me that I'd better comply and swiftly, too.  
  
However, the more I thought about that, the more ludicrous it sounded. Considering my present condition and the fact that I didn't have any proof at all of that existence, it would only sound made up and foolish. Hard as it was going to be, I knew that in order to survive my experience in the here and now I was going to have to recant my story.  
  
"I – was mistaken. I'm – ah – sorry." I replied quietly but hesitantly.  
  
Leo narrowed his eyes at me and I could see he was not at all satisfied, "I did not ask for an apology, Kira. I want you to tell the clan exactly what you told me."  
  
I was mortified. I didn't know if I could do that, not with out falling apart again. I shook my head 'no' and in that same moment I felt an obvious dissatisfaction coming from both Raphael and Donatello. My eyes widened ever so slightly in alarm.  
  
Subtly and with barely a whisper, I heard Donatello admonish me, "I would suggest you comply, Kira. It will not go well for you if you do otherwise."  
  
Reluctantly and with much trepidation, I decided to follow his advice. Slowly and quietly I repeated to the rest of the clan what I had told Leo earlier in my room. Once or twice I had to compose myself as the clan's response became obvious. I wanted to run and just escape, but I knew it would have been a waste of time. I doubted very much the two book-ending me would have let me even leave the couch.  
  
When I was done, I saw Splinter look hard but compassionate at me. His tail lashed a little, but it didn't seem as if it was done in anger. At the very least, it was almost as if he were weighing my words to determine their sincerity.  
  
I had noticed that Mike seemed rather amazed with my words; his eyes were wide and his mouth slightly ajar, obviously disbelieving what I had just said.  
  
Raph muttered something along the lines of a sarcastic "Oh, brother!" chuckling a little derisively in my direction.  
  
Donatello only shook his head, groaning.  
  
My own father licked his lips and then nodded his head as if in agreement with how everyone else was reacting.  
  
I wanted to crawl into hole; a very deep and dark hole for that matter. I didn't have any idea or compass to what would happen next. I held my breath.  
  
The next voice I heard was not from Father, but from the rat, Splinter, "My child, please come here and sit before me."  
  
Something about the way he said it and, most definitely, the vibes coming off of the two turtles were next to me, that indicated I needed to comply without hesitation. Before I realized it I found myself sitting cross- legged in front of the rat.  
  
I looked up at him and saw compassion. His ears were slightly back, but his whiskers were thrown forward as if it would give him a better understanding of me. He studied my face intently for a few moments and as much as I wanted to I couldn't look away from him. His very presence almost commanded a respect that I had obviously not shown anyone else in the lair.  
  
Then, he leaned forward and cupped my face with both of his hands. His fingers were long and bony and obviously aged. But, the gentleness with which he held my face was very soothing. It felt comforting and for a moment whatever cares and concerns I had melted away. I felt a sense of peace for the first time since my arrival.  
  
Splinter closed his eyes as he embraced me; turning his nose up just a little as he concentrated. I didn't have a clue what he was doing but after a moment, he opened his eyes once again upon me. Still cupping my face, he smiled and then commented, "Your mind is in much turmoil, Kira Siew. I sense fear and confusion." He paused as he looked over at Leo, my father. I didn't dare turn around since I had this feeling it would be construed as disrespectful. Then, Splinter looked back at me softly, "Maybe you are having what they call a 'delayed reaction' to losing your beloved mother? Possibly your 'other life' was a form of imaginary escape for you? Either way, Kira Siew, you must try harder at finding some peace within your heart." He smiled at me, almost lovingly in a grandfatherly way. He offered, "I would like for you to visit me in my room first thing each morning when you awaken and then the last thing each evening before you retire. We will 'talk' and meditate together then."  
  
What that entailed I didn't know, but he had touched something within my soul that needed healing. I knew that my 'other' life was not imaginary. Yet I also knew that my current situation needed some sort of intervention to help me cope. Maybe spending time with the aged rat might help me. All I could do was to try.  
  
I nodded to him in acceptance. He smiled at me and it seemed like the sun had come out from behind the dark cloud that had overshadowed my mind over the past several hours.  
  
I smiled back and it wasn't strained or forced. I really meant it this time.  
  
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IN THE CLOUDS: Don't worry about what to say re: reviewing. The fact that you signed in means a lot to me! I'm glad that you find my story interesting. I hope that I can continue to make it so. Your thoughts are greatly appreciated. As for Leo, there is a history here between himself and Kira that even Kira/Alicia is unaware of. Hopefully, if I don't forget, I will try to fill in the gaps. At this point in the story he has run out of options AND patience!  
  
RAMICA: Faithful reader and reviewer. You're quite special to me! :0) Yes, I was trying to justify Kira's existence and decided to throw 'Venus' a.k.a. Mei Pei into the mix, albeit posthumously. Can't say much about Kira and how this Alicia came to inhabit her. Like I said once before, the ending will explain everything. There are clues here and there in the body of the chapters; you'll just have to 'think outside the box' for a change on this one! :0) Yes, Leo loves her very much; she is the product of his love for Mei Pei. But, he has lost patience with her, though he is greatly concerned with her near breakdown, of course. Hmm...Splinter could be on to something – or he may be light years away!  
  
PRETENDER FANATIC: Thanks for reading and reviewing! So sorry about your headaches! Bummer. I hate headaches; they tend to be quite intrusive with day to day things and especially where it concerns writing fan fiction! Glad you 'stopped in' and signed my guest book! LOL I'm also glad that you understand the dream 'thing'!! Eventually we will understand what is going on with Kira – but I won't promise you that she will! Bwahahahaha!  
  
JO DAWN: There are no laws that say you have to review, but I always look forward to yours when you do! Hey, that rhymes!! Anyway, I wanted a softer side of Leo to show since I made him into a real jerk with the first chapter. But, that was when he had run out of tolerance to the things that Kira had been doing. She was endangering the clan and he had given her too many opportunities to change; which she evidently continued to ignore. So, to counteract his attitude towards her, I allowed his 'fatherly love and concern' to shine forth. Won't last long, though, unfortunately! :0)  
  
TO ALL OTHER READERS! Again, no law says you have to – just like those E- mails that say to forward to 10 people and see what happens! Yeah, right. You end up with 10 people getting mad at you for telling them what to do! I've had it happen. Anyhew....if you have a thought or two feel free to post it on the review part of this or, if you want, you can e-mail me privately. I won't tell! Honest!!  
  
Be blessed – all of you – and Happy Blessed Easter, too! 


	6. History Lessons

**_Disclaimer – _**_I own nothing but this story. As of February 1, 2008, this chapter is a re-write, a hopeful improvement from its original 'condition'. As I explained in previous disclaimers attached to this story, I'm going through writer's block and am hoping that beta reading and tweaking my own work will help me overcome this accursed affliction. Anyway, hope you enjoy the chapter. _

**x x x x x x **

**CHAPTER 6 – History Lessons **

Once Splinter finished talking with me, it seemed as if my 'trial' was finally over, especially with the next pronouncement.

"Well, guess I better go see about making dinner," Mike chirped. I didn't turn my head to watch, but I did feel a movement of air, as if he had passed behind me heading for the kitchen to my left.

In contrast, neither Donatello nor Raphael said a word. I heard the couch squeak, though, as if the two had just stood up. Other than that, I don't know where either of them went. I was too busy facing Splinter.

I basked in the rat's presence for a moment longer, though, enjoying the respite from questions and the afterglow of peace his countenance gave me. He allowed me that, which I appreciated very much.

However, Father did not leave the room but instead waited with me. Although I couldn't see him fully, if I looked hard to my right, I could see his legs – but just barely. He was standing, now, attentive to his own father. Or, so I thought. Almost immediately, I could sense him staring at me. It was quite unnerving, to say the least; not knowing why he felt a need to stay or what might happen next. After a few minutes, I heard him sigh and then say something to Splinter. It sounded…Japanese. Splinter quickly replied in kind, almost sharply, and Father answered him with a clipped, "Hai," as if responding to an admonishment from the rat.

I smiled inwardly and thought, _'Bout time!_

Then the rat looked down at me and said in accented English, "You must now go with your father, Kira Siew. Listen well to his instructions and do not falter in what he asks you to do. Remember, child, true happiness comes from obedience."

I wondered what exactly he meant by that or – even more curiously - what Father had said to him that elicited such a stern response. Considering the 'night watch' Father wanted me to do, I wondered if he was still expecting me to follow through with it. Maybe Splinter didn't agree. Since I was still ignorant about where the lair was in the sewers, the idea seemed ludicrous at best, and maybe Splinter had sensed my confusion. He certainly seemed intuitive enough.

Nevertheless, I obediently stood up and followed Father from the room. He led me back into the hallway. Instead of taking me to my room or the gym, though, he led me into a different room altogether. It was the second door on my left and just before my bedroom across the hall. He opened the door wide, motioning me in with one hand and I complied, slipping past him quickly. Once he closed the door, Father moved past me and motioned me towards two chairs in the room.

_Guess he wants me to sit down._

Complying as obediently as Splinter suggested I be, I noticed right away how neat and tidy the room was. I figured it to be his.

While Father went over to a desk, I looked to my right, and saw a dresser standing alongside the wall closest to the door. To its right and tucked into the far corner of the room across from me, I noticed a bed. It was larger than my own, with a faded blue, but clean comforter gracing its top. A pillow crowned the farthest end where my father's head would lay.

From my left and running along the same wall where the head of the bed was sat a freestanding bookshelf, filled almost to capacity with a variety of books. Then, along the next wall that ran back towards me, and where Father stood, was the desk. A second chair tucked underneath, providing enough seating for the both of us. That is, if Father decided to sit down. So far, he had preferred standing and I had the distinct feeling it was more to posture himself over me than just because he didn't want to sit.

Next, from one of the desk drawers I saw Father take out some incense sticks. He plopped them into a ceramic vase sitting atop the desk and then took a matchstick from the same drawer. Father swiped it across the concrete wall to ignite it and then he lit the sticks. Father didn't say anything or look my way. He just waited there, most of his shell facing me, staring at the sticks. Before long, they began to burn, their smoky fragrance trailing upwards towards the ceiling. Father seemed for a moment mesmerized by it, so I took advantage of his distraction and gave a quick assessment of his personal library.

As I looked across the room towards the bookshelf, I noticed a single, book, worn and somewhat tattered, standing upright in a book easel. It had rather an odd title, 'The Art of War' by Sun Tzu.

_Art of war? Hmm…maybe it has pictures of war, or maybe it's a collection of war art? _

Nevertheless, with the way Father displayed the book, it seemed to hold a place of honor, where it was the only one to occupy that shelf.

I shrugged away the mystery and concentrated on the remaining two shelves. They seemed filled with a variety of books, but with one common theme. From where I sat, there was one about Bruce Lee. I seemed to be a biography on the man. Then, I saw another about Mr. Lee, and then a few more names that I didn't recognize. But, Bruce Lee? I had to stifle a laugh. I found it incredibly ironic that Bruce was a part of this world, as he was my other one.

_Heh, go figure! _

Then, on that same shelf, there were at least three other titles concerning martial arts. One was on ninjitsu (_no brainer, there!_) while another focused on kung fu. A few more 'styles' of self defense lined up after those two, most of which I hadn't a clue to what they were, but I assumed they belonged there, given the former titles.

On the bottom shelf, however, I saw many books on Japanese as well as Chinese art, along with books on Asian history, and books of haikus, with a single book on the American Revolution.

Where Father's room was so neat and tidy, he had his library just as orderly, apparently placing the most important collection at the top, with the least important along the bottom. It certainly said a lot about him.

Yet, the common theme was in self-defense and the mechanism of war. The haikus and maybe the less important art books might have been the only differences, but then again, they might have something to do with the other works, too.

Satisfied I had seen everything of importance from the bookshelf, I looked around and my eyes settled on the dresser by the door. Right away, I noticed some items there. From where I sat, I could tell that one object was a mirror. I craned my neck a little, to get a better view, and noticed that the heavily decorated handle. It appeared far too feminine to be Fathers. Curious and while he had his back to me, I stood up and went over to the bureau. That was when I noticed the mask. Aqua green in color, it was similar in style to what Father, his brothers, and I wore. It lay neatly folded and centered on top the chest, its position indicating its importance, much like Father's Art of War. However, the wood-trimmed hand mirror had earned most of my attention. Its beautifully, carved design nearly stole my breath away. I picked it up carefully to inspect it. I noticed almost immediately how imperfect the reflective part of the mirror was. It looked old and slightly discolored, with the silvering underneath obviously tarnished with age.

In contrast, the wood around the mirror was exquisite in design. It appeared to be hand-carved and newer than the mirror itself. I could tell that whoever had made it had done so with a lot of care. The decorative handle had rosettes and leafy vines curling around it, leading up to the main body of the mirror, all hand carved by the looks of it. When I turned it over to see the back, I sucked in a startled breath. There, in the middle of a beautiful filigree heart, I saw the name _'Mei Pei'_ etched into the wood. I realized right then that Father had made it for my mother. For a moment, I felt a deep sadness for him, realizing just how much he must have loved her.

"Kira, please take a seat!"

Startled by Father's stern voice, I turned quickly around and blushed when I saw him looking at me. Considering how Mei Pei had died, it wouldn't have surprised me in the least if he felt protective of her things. Yet, he never said a word to me, but just stared, all while I held the mirror in my hand. He wore that unreadable expression on his face again and so I gently placed the mirror back down on the bureau before returning to my chair.

I could smell the incense, now, sandalwood I think, and it tickled my nose with its heady fragrance. Although quite rich, it was a rather pleasing scent.

Father pulled the other chair from under the deck and brought it over to where I sat. He turned it around so that he could face me. As he sat down, he was so close, that his knees almost touched mine. He then looked hard at me for a moment, studying my face and my form. In response, I cringed under his inspection. I didn't like being this close to him, not with how angry he was with me earlier. It didn't take much imagination to see myself thrown over his shoulder with the slightest provocation. I tried to avoid looking at him, but I suddenly found myself looking back. When he caught my gaze, Father smiled a little.

I gulped.

"You look like her, you know," he said softly.

I squirmed a bit, not liking his comparison. Yet, there was no mistaking his expression. It seemed – wistful, melancholy.

He sighed as he remarked, "Yet, you behave so unlike her, too." Pausing for a moment, Father studied my face again, and his brows pinched together as he said, "Mei Pei, your mother, was a godsend to me, Kira. She filled a void I didn't even know I had." He looked up and stared at the wall behind me above my head, I guess to gather his thoughts, and then Father closed his eyes, as he tried to explain, "For most of my life until she came, all I could think about was ninjitsu. It consumed me and." He chuckled suddenly, "Just about drove your Uncle Raph crazy." When he opened his eyes, again, he looked right at me, hard, "I would have driven him out of the lair, too, if your mother hadn't come along when she did. After we married, I finally felt complete!"

He sighed, again, haltingly and his breath trembled a bit when he inhaled. It was obvious this little trip down memory lane was difficult for him. As face began to melt a little and his eyes glistened from unreleased tears, Father suddenly took my face in his hands in the same way that Splinter had done earlier. Once again, he looked hard at me. I wanted to turn away, to avert my own gaze, but his were so intense, so sincere, I couldn't help but stare back.

With his voice soft yet strained, he declared, "But when she died, Kira, YOU became my obsession! I didn't want to lose you, not the way I had lost her. I didn't prepare Mei Pei, your mother, for the kind of attack we had to suffer through. I could have lost both of you, but by whatever divine grace decides these matters, I lost only…my…_wife_." Father nearly choked, then, and he wiped his snout with the back of one hand. Yet the cry was still there, despite his self-control, "That's why I trained you so hard after that, I didn't want to lose you, too, because – Kira – the Foot can get lucky again and find us. It could happen at any time and I know this. I knew it back then, but my heart was so full with love for your mother – and you, and where we had so many joyful and unmolested years, that I forgot just how perilous our existence was and still is. Nevertheless, I should have known better than to drive you so hard afterwards! I now see it was a terrible mistake. Forcing you, badgering you…just as I did with Raphael when we were young."

I sat there rather stunned. I'm certain the real Kira – and I wasn't so certain anymore that she wasn't me – would have been just as surprised, maybe even a little relieved to hear her father be so open like this. But, before I could say anything – and I really wanted to if only to encourage him, Father continued talking.

"I still want you to train, but – I've decided to bow out of the role as sensei. Someone else will train you from now on. I believe that forcing you to train with me has only caused you to rebel and…I think we've both have had enough of that?" He winked once and let go of my face, announcing, "Tonight I will accompany you on patrol, where you seem to be unfamiliar all of a sudden as to where we live in the sewer…" As he raised one eye ridge suspiciously, that alone told me that he had a hard time believing my story. "But, we will use our time together to go over the route, so that you will re-familiarize yourself with where we live." He relaxed then, as if his confession had taken an enormous weight off his shoulders, and he smiled broadly.

Quite honestly, I didn't know how to respond. Someone else was going to train me? And, the thought of going out on patrol terrified me like nothing else.

_What if we do come across this 'foot'? What am I expected to do? If he's trained me already, albeit hard enough to cause me – Kira – to rebel, that said I should know something, right? _

Wrong! I didn't have a clue how to fight them or do whatever it was Father had trained me to do.

There were too many variables with too many unforeseen problems, and I could feel my heart pound against my chest in worried anticipation.

Then Father remarked, distracting me from my disconcerting thoughts, "Nevertheless, Kira, I am proud of how compliant you were earlier in the living room. You showed obedience and respect, even though I know it was difficult for you. I am pleased." He reached out again, but this time to caress my face. His touch was gently, kind, and – loving. Father smiled as he said, "Now that you will be spending some time with Splinter each morning and evening, maybe your recent fears and confusion will subside." He took a breath and with furrowed brow, added, "It is possible, as Mike said to me earlier, that your tendency to act up is only repressed grief." He laughed then, saying, "Must have been talking with Don, again. Anyway, Kira, if you need to talk… about your mother…, you can. I – I won't push you away anymore."

Okay, that told me a lot. The fact that he admitted to pushing Kira away whenever she wanted to talk about her mother said so many things. Of course, the poor girl would rebel. Why wouldn't she? Kira had lost a mother. Then, to have her father neglect her and even refuse to discuss her dead mother would and probably did create his daughter's insubordination.

I had a newfound sympathy for this mysterious Kira. And a newfound respect for the one who thinks I'm her, the look on Father's face told me that in just talking about his wife had been hard on him. The moisture in his eyes was still there, but not to the point where it spilled over. He was holding himself in check, although he did swallow a few times while we sat there and looked at each other.

I didn't have anything noteworthy to say, however. Yes, I had questions; some were about my mother but there were others with more immediate concerns. Since Father was so willing to avail himself to my queries, I felt maybe addressing them now would be better. Waiting until later, when surrounded by the rest of the clan, might make it difficult at best.

"I do have a question, but it pertains to the others here in the lair." I asked him.

Father sat up straight and cocked his head to one side, "Like what?" He seemed eager to hear me.

I realized that the kind of question I was going to ask might have sounded redundant to him, especially since he seemed convinced that my story about being human hours before, was a bunch of 'hooey'. Consequently, I decided to play along with Splinter's assessment of me; that for the past two years, after witnessing Mei Pei's death, I had been in a state of shock and denial. By the rat and my father's account, who's to say it didn't cause a momentary bit of amnesia for me?

"Well…since the past couple of years have been such a blur and I really don't remember much," I smiled faintly, "I'm at a loss as to why everyone seems – well – to hate me." I made my best 'clueless' look I could muster. I hoped I looked pitiful.

All Father could do for the moment was to stare. I wasn't sure if he was confused or surprised. He shook his head and finally found his voice, stating, "First, Kira, they don't hate you. They're just…exasperated. Still, you don't know why?"

"Um, no, not … really." I replied weakly. I shrugged my shoulders a little. "Considering I've forgotten who my mother was and all…"

Father suddenly narrowed one eye and I saw his irritation come back for just a second. He looked at me for the longest time and I knew that if I looked away he would believe that I was lying. So, I focused on keeping my gaze on him as steady and as sincere as his, despite how hard it was to do as he gazed at me with equal intensity. Fortunately, there was no denying that I was in the dark about a great many things, not the least of which was the reason for everyone's disdain for me. I guess Father sensed that easily enough, too.

Finally convinced that I wasn't trying to pull a fast one, he decided to enlighten me, although not without an air of frustration and more than a little impatience for having to do so.

"Well, Kira, to _refresh_ your memory, it started about six months after your …mother died." He swallowed, took a measured breath, and then launched into my personal history, "You began to challenge me on issues about practicing, doing your chores, showing respect, and sneaking off to go topside during the daylight hours. When you would go into the sewers with one of us, you managed to slip away and disappear for a long while. I don't know how you did this, because we're all trained in ninjitsu," and he smiled thinly, "Yet, of all the things we've tried to teach you, disappearing seemed to be your forte'!" He chuckled a little under his breath and then went serious again.

"When one of us would chastise or correct you, you'd have an emotional outburst, ranting and raving, yelling obscenities – which upset Splinter quite a bit, by the way!" He sniffed indignantly and then continued, "You would break things and even desecrate our weapons."

There I sat, wide eyed, and not quite believing what I was hearing.

_I did all THAT?_

"I guess for Raph, he finally had it when you painted his zai pink. He tried to understand your rebellion, since he's had first-hand experience with it himself. But, painting his zai PINK? Well, that was the kicker for him." Father shook his head, "Never touch your uncle's weapons, Kira. You're lucky he didn't kill you."

Okay, despite the obvious threat – and warning hinted at in that last part, I had a hard time not reacting. I could feel the lower left corner of my mouth start to quiver upwards, just a little, as I attempted not to smile. Just imagining Raph with pink – what was it Father called them, zai? Well, maybe that was the three-pronged fork thingy I saw him wear while out in the living room. Nevertheless, it just called for a snort of laughter, it really did, but I managed not to, because I didn't think Father would appreciate the moment.

_"Good grief, no wonder Raph seems to hate me."_

I did smile inwardly, though.

"Then, after Don would give you extra homework, after you faked being sick to get out from doing his lessons," Father added, "you planted a virus in his computer that pretty much wiped out his hard-drive. It took him over a week to recover."

I was pinching my lips together so hard by now, I was having a horrible time keeping from laughing myself to death. To upend Don's computer with a virus seemed almost impossible, since as Alicia Gordon, I was as inept with computers as an elephant was to show jumping. Just thinking about it seemed ridiculous! Yet, as I sat there and tried to pretend to be solemn, I prayed that Father wouldn't notice my inward struggle, otherwise I was sure he would stop the Q and A right then and march me into the gym – regardless of his new position on training me.

Still, I couldn't help asking, wondering how the brains of the bunch could be out-done by the likes of me, "I have a hard time believing Donatello would take that long to undo…" but almost as soon as the words left my mouth, I knew that was the wrong thing to say. I saw Father's look grow hard and stern.

"You have a hard time believing _that_ and yet _you_ sit there trying to act ignorant, trying to convince me that you're not Kira? Trust me, **Daughter**, Donatello taught you very well and you know it. He was not happy with you then and he isn't happy with you, now, because of that event!" Father growled, just a little, "Because of your debacle, it compromised our security system. If the Foot had found our lair at that time, we wouldn't be sitting here discussing YOUR poor memory!"

Composing himself, Father went on, "Anyway, we were only down for a week and between Mike, Raph, and I doing double patrol duty, we avoided any possible catastrophe." Yet, Father wasn't done yet with describing my assault on the family. As he explained, it seemed I had taken Mike's CD and DVD collection and used them as 'sure-a-ken' practice in the do Joe. Okay, this was where I couldn't hide my confusion.

_What in blazes is a sure-a-ken and what's a dojo?_

"Kira, is there something wrong?" Father asked, his words sharp and direct.

"Ah, well…yeah. I don't know why it is…" I shrugged, even though I did know why, but I'd already been down that road before, of having a previous life, and it did _not_ go over very well. Rather than explain why I had forgotten, I just owned up to it. "I've forgotten what a sure-a-ken and a do Joe is."

Well, the look Father gave me was just a little short of being completely dissatisfied with me. Clearing his throat, he leveled a look that brooked no mischief. Slowly as if he wanted to make absolutely certain that I heard him clearly, he answered, "Indeed! Well, I'll humor you, Kira. Let us just count this as an – impromptu review, okay?"

I smiled and nodded eagerly.

Father rolled his eyes and then huffed, saying, "Anyway, a shuriken is a metal, three, five, or six sided star with razor sharp points and sides. We use them to disable attackers who are too far from us for our other weapons to reach. It is very sharp and, therefore, very _deadly_. So are CD's and DVD's…when thrown hard enough. As for the dojo," and he took a breath to compose himself, flexing his cheek muscles in irritation, "It's where I attempted to implement some discipline with you a few hours ago. That is where we practice and where we keep our weapons."

I muttered a soft, embarrassed, "Oh." and looked down at my hands, which I had folded in my lap. I remembered what Father had tried to do in the gym to me, but he seemed to be in control of himself, now. Maybe tossing me again wasn't on his agenda. Just the same, I ventured yet another question, looking up at him meekly, "Were…were you trying to strike me with that stick, you know, when you pulled me into the dojo, before I…um…ran to the bathroom?

I guess my expression seemed sincere and wondering, because Father's reaction surprised me.

"No, Kira! I would not have hit you and it's not a stick! It's called a staff, for crying out loud! I have never hit you; not once in your life." Leo seemed mildly shocked by my accusation. "Not in anger, anyway. I have disciplined you, when you were little, but rarely even then. You were always – at least when you were younger – eager to please. Now, however, I prefer imposing on you a heavy repetition of katas, to get you to think about your misdeeds." He looked at me and said flatly, "I was hoping this morning that you would have met the challenge and at least defend yourself. I was trying to get you to fight back, to get you angry enough to vent whatever rage or problem you were wrestling with." He paused for a moment and then softly added, "It's what I did with your Uncle Raph, back when we were teenagers, whenever he would pull away from us."

I nodded my head sheepishly, finally understanding his actions from earlier. Father patted my leg, to finalize our little discussion, and he smiled. He suddenly stood up and walked over to the bureau where the mirror and aqua-hued mask lay. He paused to look at them and then reached out and seemed to pick something up. With his back to me, I didn't know what it was, but as he turned around to face me, I saw that he had the mirror in his hand, the one he had made for Mei Pei, his wife, and my mother.

"Here, I want you to have this, Kira. I …I think it's time." He walked over and took my right hand in his, placing the mirror on the flat of my palm, and then folding my fingers around the handle. He held his hand over mind, gripping it firmly, but not so tight that it hurt.

I knew in that moment what a sacrifice he was making. The mirror he had designed specifically for my mother, Mei Pei, he now entrusted to me. Although I did not have or any memories of my own of her, I knew that I would protect her mirror with my very life.

I brought the mirror up and saw my reflection once again. This time, it didn't shock me nearly as much as the bathroom mirror did. Maybe I was finally accepting my situation. Maybe there was something in the mirror itself that revealed my future, a way to call me back to the heart of what was now my home? I felt Mei Pei… or more precisely, my mother's mirror, and my own heart become one. I didn't know what to make of it but when I looked up and saw the gentle smile on Father's face, I resigned myself to who I was, now.

And, if I could learn what I need to know before joining him in the sewers later on for patrolling, I might have even smiled!


	7. Food for Thought

A/N: I do not own any Ninja turtles or mutated rats – honest.  I do own the ideas and creativity that has developed this story, though.  Unless someone out there has already written something about 'pink sais', computer viruses, and CD's/DVD's being used as shurikens into their TMNT stories.  I claim no responsibility for inconsistencies with any Brooklyn accents.  I'll do my best to remain true to it, but don't flame me if I fail…and I WILL fail!  It's just one of those nuances of speech that I find hard to write out!  

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**CHAPTER 7 – Food For Thought**

The music from the CD player was calming to me.  It was mostly an instrumental by some artist that I didn't recognize.  The sound of violins and flutes floated lightly around my room as I sat on my bed listening and enjoying the number.  I had to admit that I rather liked the scant assortment of CD's that were available to me.  Whoever this Kira really was must have needed the soothing sounds to quiet the din of discontent that she obviously must have felt inside of her.  It certainly was helping me that was for sure.

I was still holding the mirror that Father had given to me earlier.  I didn't want to put it down for some reason.  I looked at it and felt a swelling in my heart for the care and love that he had expressed when he made it.  Did he smile during the process?  What kind of response did Mei Pei give him when he presented it to her? Was it for her birthday, their anniversary, or just because he wanted to give her something?  I guess these were questions I could ask him later, but for now I just wanted to hold the mirror.

While I basked in the composition I pondered all of what Father had shared with me earlier.  Thinking about the trouble the clan went through with whatever rebellion I supposedly had thrown upon them shocked and amused me all at the same time.  

I was amused by the measure this Kira took to behave so poorly.  I was even more shocked that a stricter response hadn't been implemented by the clan.  Of course, considering the clout that Splinter exercised within the family and his genteel manner, he more than any of them probably influenced what was to be done and how.  For that I was grateful.  Considering what I was and that I had found myself suddenly in this existence, had they banished me who knows where I would have ended up!  That thought was frightful and it sobered me to the amount of patience that everyone had obviously shown towards this Kira.  Since I was now 'her', maybe I could improve upon the reputation that she had so expertly tarnished.  

While the music played on with another selection I took note of some of the other furniture in my room.  Seeing a lone dresser opposite from where I sat out of curiosity I went over to inspect it.  Checking the top drawer, I saw that there were a couple of pink bandannas like what I was wearing.  I figured they must be extras just incase the one I wore became soiled.  Several pairs of elbow and knee pads were along the opposite side of the drawer as well.  I wasn't currently wearing any so I figured that when and if I did work in the dojo that was when I would put them on.  Funny thing was I noticed that Father and his brothers wore theirs all the time.  At least it seemed that way.  I hadn't been here very long so maybe they did take them off occasionally.

Satisfied with that drawer, I closed it and opened the next one beneath it.  Right away I saw a dark coat that was neatly folded up.  I took it out and shook it to release the wrinkles that had formed in it.  It hung almost to the floor when I measured it up to my own shoulders.  It was long enough to cover my torso and feet completely.   I tried it on and found that it hid my form pretty well.  Looking back into the drawer I discovered a hat with a wide brim.  It was somewhat squashed from resting under the heavier coat, but once I had it on its true shape could be seen.  In a darkened alley or deep shadows it would have been difficult at best for anyone to see who and what I was.  The sleeves of the coat hung past my fingertips so for the sake of concealing me, the entire 'costume' did the job.  I had to laugh at the cleverness of it all; wondering if I actually did go outside of the lair looking this way.  I had to admit that it certainly was lacking in style.  But the purpose for it was clearly discernable.  For any of us to walk among the human population above it would require a covering of sorts just so we would keep our identity and our existence a secret.

Just then there was a knock at my bedroom door and then it opened up.  I found myself staring at Raphael.  He looked at me impassively.

"Goin' sumwheres?" he asked derisively.  No expression, just a flat un-amused look to his face.  It made me uncomfortable, to say the least.

"Ah…no…just trying it on, is all." I replied meekly.

"Good, cuz din'rs ready.  Yer dad told me t'get ya." He stated flatly.  Then he closed the door without another word, leaving me alone in my room, red-faced and mortified.

I managed to get my self undressed from the coat and hat, have them both put away in the drawer, and yet be at the dinner table about the same time that everyone else had arrived.  The last thing I wanted to do was to be late.  I figured that if I could at least be punctual it would show obedience and compliance.  Yes, there were times in my human existence when I was stubborn and rebellious, too.  But those were my teen years and certainly I was never as bad then as Leo a while ago had described me as being here in this life.  I figured that though I was sixteen by his account, mentally I knew I was twenty-two!  With that I had an edge and I was going to use it to my advantage one way or the other.

As I sat down at my place I noticed that Raph and Don again book-ended me.   Raph sat to my left while Donatello took the seat on my right. What was with that anyway?  Maybe my 'punishment' was to always be between them for what I had done to their personal property?  Possibly it was just the way the seating arrangements were, but I was highly doubtful of that.  Then again from my own experience with being part of a large family with an older brother and sister, pretty much everyone took a hand in raising the younger siblings.  More than likely that might be the case with this group.  For just one person to raise the only child, the balance in their upbringing would be difficult.  Having the rest of the family involved in some fashion would lighten the load.  Considering how much _fun_ I brought to that venture, it seemed logical that everyone would have a hand in my life.  That thought alone depressed me.  

I knew then I was going to have to work doubly hard to pay attention to their different personalities and nuances and what they tolerated verses what they didn't.

The food on the table smelled wonderful.  I saw a rather large roast that steamed as if it had just been taken out of the oven.  Several large bowls of varying colors and overall condition littered the central area of the table.  Each of us had plates that differed from one another with a few chips here and there as if they had been rescued from a dumpster.  Yeah, I doubted very much that we obtained the necessities of life from our local department store.  It seemed safer to just harvest the discards that people threw out for one reason or another.  Fortunately, the need to have perfect things allowed humans to throw out still usable items that were in less than sterling condition. 

I noticed that Splinter eyed each one of us, beginning with Father and making his way to Raphael.  Then Donatello was next to hold his gaze with Michelangelo following.  Finally, he rested his sights on me and smiled.  I smiled back and then he closed his eyes.  I found that everyone else had done the same thing so I followed suit.  I soon heard the rat speaking in Japanese as if he were praying a prayer of thanksgiving.  It was not long, fortunately, and I was glad for it.  I was starting to realize just how very hungry I was.  

I noticed that Father sliced the meat himself and then served Splinter first.  Then he took his own serving and when he was done, passed the plate with the roast on it around to the other members.  When Raph received it, he took four slices for himself.  However, when he passed it my way, Don retrieved it instead, reaching over before I could even bring my arms up to take the plate.  

Okay, ah…did I miss something here?  I was already to grab that plate when the turtle to my right intercepted me.  I looked at him in surprise with my mouth slightly opened.  I squinted and wondered what was going on.  Then a movement to my left caught my attention and I noticed that Raph had one of the bowls that was now uncovered.  It was mashed potatoes.  How I loved mashed potatoes.  But, just like with the meat plate, that bowl made it to Donatello's hand before I could even blink.  This scenario was played out with all the other bowls and before too long everyone at the table had food on their plate but me!  

"Excuse me, but – ah – why am I not allowed to have food? "  I asked softly, puzzled at my predicament.  

Splinter finished his bite and looked at me quizzically.  He seemed perplexed at my question.  

Finally, Father spoke up. "You know, Kira, that when you are out late past curfew and break the rules about going topside during the day, that you do not get dinner." He then took a bit of roast and chewed thoughtfully as he watched me.

I sat there in my seat, stunned.  I couldn't believe this. I was half starved and here they were implementing some cruel form of punishment with food. 

"Then why have me at the table if I'm not going to eat!" I said, trying to control my annoyance.  

Raph snickered to himself, but not too quietly.  Obviously he thought my response was quite funny.  I did not!   

"Part of that punishment is to watch the rest of us eat!" Donatello allowed.  

"No food at all?" I restated.

"Nope!" Raph expressed, taking a huge bit of those delectable potatoes; never once looking at me.  

I cringed inside.  This 'getting along with everyone' was going to be more work than I thought.  

It was in that moment, however, that I remembered what I had observed only a while ago back in my room.  At the time I had been surprised that there hadn't been a more forceful rebuttal to my proposed bad behavior that Father told me about.  With painting Raph's sais pink, ruining Mike's CD collection, and then bombarding Don's computer with a virus, I truly believed they had under-reacted to my disobedience.  Of course, having actually been aware of them for less than a day, what did I know?  

However, as I watched everyone eat and enjoy their meal, I realized right then that I was starting to know a little bit more than before.  Though they could have punished me more severely, denying me food for one meal was certainly an attention getter.   Still, I figured they were working on the belief that I was the Kira of old.  Though my stomach rumbled and protested angrily for being ignored, I made up my mind right then and there that I was going to create a new Kira.  I may temporarily starve before I had a chance to do that, but it would not be forever.  I could survive this.  I really could.  

If only I was able to convince my stomach of that fact!  


	8. I Just Can't Take it Anymore

A/N: Sigh…redundancy is repetitive, as is telling my sad tale that I do not own, nor shall I ever call mine, any TMNT and their constituents that Eastman and Laird claim as theirs.  This goes for any martial arts terms or names of katas that I have written into the body of this chapter.  I am clueless about these matters, but it has yet to stop me from creating stories about bi-pedal turtles that aren't!  _I venture where angels fear to!!!  MWAHAHA!_

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**CHAPTER 8 – I Just Can't Take it Anymore!**

Despite the fact that I didn't even have one morsel of food, I was expected to clean up the dinner dishes.  At first I thought it was mainly because I was the lone female in the group.  But, it became quite apparent that gender had nothing to do with it.  I was 'chaperoned' in the kitchen, shadowed by Raphael.  It was his turn to make sure I didn't sneak food while I scooped the leftovers into storage containers before placing them into the refrigerator.  It seemed that cleaning up from the meal was part of my punishment. 

He watched me silently as I went about my chore.  It was quite unsettling to have his eyes on me the entire time I was working with the food.  The fact that he never even tried to engage in casual conversation made me feel like I was in prison and not in a home environment.  I guess the Kira that I was suppose to be had also proven herself to not be trustworthy.  It made me feel quite insecure.

Fortunately, my stomach had quit growling about the time everyone had finished eating, so I was thankful for that.  My extreme hunger had abated as well, which was also a blessed relief.  But, my dissatisfaction with everyone, despite my determination to get through this hell as best I could, was still going strong.  However, I was smart enough to know that banging pots and pans or slamming cabinet doors would get me nothing but possibly another stint with watching everyone else eat.  There wasn't any way I could go without breakfast the same way I did dinner.  I knew that if I cooperated, by tomorrow this punition of theirs would be over.  Hopefully I could start fresh and impress upon them my willingness to cooperate.  One thing was certain, I was not going to be the same Kira they had grown to know and loath.

When I was done, the kitchen looked spotless. I don't know what was normally expected, but I think Raph was mildly impressed.  He didn't say anything but when I inadvertently caught his gaze, it had softened just a little. Not much, but enough to where I could tell that he was pleased.  

"Would it be all right if I had a glass of water?" I asked politely of him.  I was thirsty plus I figured it might help to ward off future hunger pangs.

Raph nodded and then motioned me towards the sink.  I rooted through a couple of upper cabinets before I finally found the one which stored the glasses.  They, like the plates that were used at dinner, were a mish mash of styles and colors.  I took a blue one, since that was my favorite color, and filled it to the brim from the faucet.  I drank deeply.  When I was done I washed that cup, as well, and replaced it back into its cupboard.  

Raph allowed me to exit the room first, probably to make sure I didn't snatch up any of the fruit that was sitting in a bowl on the counter.  Despite a little bruising, the apples looked quite inviting, as did the bananas. But, there wasn't any way I was going to upend whatever morsel of respect I had earned with Raph from my thorough cleaning of the kitchen.  I could fast until morning; it was that important to me.

Entering into the living area, Father greeted me, "Kira, I want you to do a double set of katas in the dojo before we head out in an hour.  Then, retrieve your weapon and pads, meeting me in here when you are done."

Okay, what in blazes was a 'kata'?  However, with everyone sitting around relaxing and either reading or watching the television, I was intimidated into silence.  There wasn't any way I was going to add to my woes by asking a question that, as far as they were concerned, didn't need asking.  I could just imagine the disdainful looks I would earn from them if I did.  I racked my brain to interpret what Father wanted me to do.  The dojo was the fitness center, or work out room.  Maybe, just maybe a kata was a workout routine?  Possibly it was something to warm me up or to prepare me for my 'watch' that I would be going on with him?  That must be it, I thought.  Well, I did the gym back in my old life three times a week.   I knew how to warm up so I decided that I would do what I was familiar with.  

Without a word I headed for the corridor passed the others.  I heard Mike mumble something about 'checking things', but I was so focused on following through with Father's instructions that I paid him little mind.  Unknown to me, I was being followed.

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I stood in the large training room or dojo and looked over the various weapons.  Some were quite beautiful – such as the staffs and swords – but there were the scythes shaped ones that put shivers down my spine.  

"Good grief," I muttered under my breath, "What is that and what purpose would it serve?"  

"Well," a voice boomed gently behind me, "it's called a Kusari-gama and originally it was used as a farming tool." 

I was so startled I nearly shot up to the ceiling.  I jumped around with one hand over my chest as if to keep my heart from dislodging itself and sucked in a breath so loud it echoed throughout the room.

"GOOD GOD, YOU NEARLY GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK!" I bellowed loudly.

"Kira, you must do better at knowing when you are being followed.  Your blatant refusal to train has clearly made you inattentive!" Donatello declared teasingly.

It took a moment for me to regain some measure of control and I could tell that my 'shadow' was clearly amused by my surprise.  His mouth was upturned ever so slightly.  I was not in the least bit entertained by it, however.

Once I found my voice I asked, "Why are you here?"

"To make sure you stick to the task." He replied simply.

Great, just great.  I hadn't any idea what a kata was and was so hoping that I could just do my usual gym warm-ups without anyone being the wiser.  Now I had a witness that would more than likely know that I was clueless.  What was I going to do now?  

"Well, I much prefer doing my warm-ups privately." I said as a matter of fact.

"Is that so…" Donatello replied.  One eye ridge was cocked up suspiciously.  "Well, let's just call this a new experience, then, shall we?  Why don't you begin with the first position." He suggested.

I was momentarily paralyzed.  Position one in ballet was the only position phrasing that I knew.  I had taken ballet all through elementary school and junior high.  I had a pretty good feeling that placing my feet heel to heel with each foot facing away from the other in a straight line was not what Donatello had in mind.  Therefore, I had three choices before me.  I could go ahead and do what I understood to be 'position one' and then risk the ire of my 'overseer'.  I could refuse to do anything at all and play stubborn, again earning the rebuke of said turtle.  Or, I could just admit I haven't a clue what was expected of me and – well, it looked like catching it from Donatello was a done deal all the way around regardless of what I did.  I was cornered.

Maybe it was my expression or that 'special sense' that they all seemed to have, but Don saw my contemplation.

"What's wrong, Kira - forgot how to do it?"  he asked mockingly.

I had to hand it to him; his aim wasn't so far off. "As a matter of fact…" I began, but he cut me off.

"Do you take me for a fool?" he growled out.

Now there was a word…but not in a million years.  "No, I don't, but I am counting on your intellect, though!" I tried not to grind out.  

"You've been doing the advanced katas for the past six years.  It's like second nature to you, when you decide to do them that is.  How is it possible for you to all of a sudden forget how to?" Donatello chided me.  Then, he brightened up, "Oh, that's right – you just arrived, didn't you?  I forgot about that. Well, I guess I'll just have to walk you through them, now, won't I!" 

At first I was relieved that Don was going to help me.  But for some odd reason the tone he used and just the way he worded his intent told me that whatever he was going to be walking me through, it would be more like a marathon run!  

"Ah, thanks – I guess…" was all I could muster.  

"Okay, the first kata we'll do is the Bassai-sho.  You do remember that one, don't you?" Don asked derisively as he prepared his stance.  

I tried very hard not to give a blank stare, but I truly couldn't help it.  "Okay, let's just put the cards on the table…I haven't a clue how to do a kata much less understand what it is…I'm sorry, I just can't continue this anymore…" I lamented sorrowfully.  "As hard as it is for you to believe me, I really did just arrive.  I've tried to cooperate today, I really have… but… I just can't…." and that's when I lost it completely.

Slumping to the carpeted floor I sat there and balled my eyes out.  I hugged myself as I cried, my legs pulled up hard against me. I hid my face into my arms as I sobbed, resting onto the tops of my knees.  I didn't care in that moment what Don was doing or what he was thinking…I just couldn't fake it anymore.  Whatever martial arts I was supposed to know just didn't come with the package when I came into this existence.  That was the final straw.  I was at a complete loss.

Donatello stooped down in front of me and I could feel his eyes rack over my being.  He put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed gently.  Then, he said softly, "I didn't realize how deeply the death of your mother has affected you…Kira, I'm sorry!"  

His compassionate ministrations were appreciated, but how could I tell him that he was so far off base it was almost funny.  I had to be frank with him, "Let's get one thing straight, okay?  I don't remember her!  I couldn't even tell you what Mei Pei looked like!  I thought an hour ago I could just – live this life for a while until my other one started up again – but, every time I think I can do it, something else comes along and…." I sniffed.  "I don't know who this Kira is, but little by little I'm learning that I really don't want to be her!" I looked up at Donatello and saw that his expression had changed from compassionate to concern.  But, I was on a roll, "I'm sorry….that your computer was damaged; I'm sorry about Raph's pink sais…" Okay, that was funny, it really was.  No matter how much I tried to take that seriously, just seeing him twirling around a pair of pink sais nearly made me want to giggle out-loud.  But, not right now; maybe latter, if there was one for me that is. "And Mike's CD's – sorry about that, too.  Yet I don't remember ANY OF IT!" my voice rose just a little with the last few words.  

Donatello sat down next to me and draped an arm across my heaving shoulders.  I still had my head buried into my arms, crying and just feeling all around miserable.  I continued my ranting, "And now, Leo – supposedly my father – thinks I'm ready to go on patrol or do a watch or something." I lifted my head and looked at Don, my face now streaked with tears, "How in blazes am I suppose to protect myself or even him if I haven't any idea how to?"  I turned my face away and rested it on my arms, my knees for support.  I shuddered in the after effects from my emoting.  

What I heard next from him startled me, "Okay, Kira – the benefit of the doubt…." He paused a little, took a breath, and then offered, "Let's say for the sake of argument that you are right; you really did just arrive.  If you are inhabiting Kira and she knows all about doing katas, martial arts, or ninjitsu….don't you think that maybe this body you now wear might be familiar enough with the moves to just do it?" 

I turned my head back to face him, sniffing,  "Wh- what do you mean?" 

"Well, have you ever done something routine or familiar and found that you didn't really have to think about it; your body automatically just does it?  Sort of like going on 'auto pilot'!" Don replied.

I remember many times while driving where I would be heading out to some place that was routine.  I could be mentally hundreds if not thousands of miles away and in no time flat I would find myself at my destination. I would make all the necessary turns, stops, and freeway onramps without really being aware of it.  I knew what Don was talking about but I didn't think it could pertain to my physical self.  Driving a car and doing some martial arts kata were two different 'animals' all together.

"I – I don't know if will work with this, though." I sniffled.  

"Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained…why don't we try it, okay?" and he stood up and offered his hand to me.

Knowing that there wasn't much else I could do but to accept, I took it and in a flash found myself pulled easily to a stand.

Don looked at me and smiled, saying, "Now, for the Bassai-sho, it means the lesser Bassai kata.  This is a shorin kata created by Yasutsune Itosu.  The main points are blocking strongly and counter-attacking sharply!  Here, let me demonstrate." 

I watched as Donatello went through the moves.  I had to admire his fluidity and grace.  He was really quite beautiful to watch the way he went through each element.  He was not necessarily fast, but I didn't believe speed was the idea.  Yet what I felt more of was a sense of acceptance from him, as if he made a point to meet me where I was rather than demand where I meet him.  In that bit of clarity I felt a renewed sense of confidence.  Maybe he was right; maybe I would be able to do what he said simply by remote.  Certainly by watching, I hope!  Though I truly didn't feel I could do it at his level, at least he was willing to let me try!

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A/N: The Bassai-sho kata was gleaned from off the net at: .  I do not pretend to know martial arts.  The Internet has been my guide for anything related to this topic.  Video clips that have helped me to understand these maneuvers have also been gleaned off of the 'net at this address: 

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**_GUMMADOON FANATIC_**_: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!  I appreciate your enthusiasm a lot!!  As you can see with this chapter, confusion just became more so.  Thankfully, Donnie comes to her rescue.  _

**_RAMICA_**_: Again, you have read and reviewed!  You're so awesome!  Yes, I couldn't resist the pink sais.  I kept asking myself, 'What's the worse thing that could happen to Raph's sais aside from losing them?'  Pink!  Then, it went from there to Don and then Mike, and Leo….but I decided to not have Splinter be a target.  I figured that he's the grandpa of the group and grandpas are always absolved of rebuttals!  Yeah, Leo is all gung ho with getting everyone battle ready, but losing Mei Pei sort of rocked his foundation a little.  We have a tendency to 'have no fear' until a child of ours tries the same stunt.  Then, it's a whole different ballgame all together!  I was originally going to do just a simple family dinner time, but then changed the dynamics of it to be a form of discipline for her late night outings!  Though, the poor girl inhabiting Kira ( if that's what it is!! ) is completely dumbfounded by it.  Yeah, it can suck when you have ninjitsu warriors raising you!_

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**_DANCINGFAE:_**_ Well, thanks for reading and reviewing once again!!  What can I say…I couldn't resist painting Raph's sais.  I laughed when I thought it up, too!!  Yes, she certainly has her work cut out attempting to 'read' the clan to avoid any more pitfalls!_

**_KUROI NEKO-KUN:_**_ Glad your reading and reviewing again!  Thanks!  Glad, too, that you like Kira.  Hard to say what will happen in subsequent chapters.  Needless to say, I know how it ends and I can't wait to get there.  It'll be interesting to see how everyone reacts!  Bwahahahaha!_


	9. Expectations and Disappointment

**CHAPTER 9 – Expectations and Disappointment**

Don was correct in one thing.  My body did seem to be familiar with certain moves. 

I was surprised with how high I could kick and how hard.  The speed of my jabs impressed me as well, but despite all of that, my befuddled brain about the whole idea of katas just couldn't keep up.  

One part of the Bassai-sho was especially difficult for me.  At one point I was supposed to kick up hard with my right foot and then bring it sharply back towards me, never letting it touch the ground.  Then, I was to following that up with kicking the same foot hard straight out in front of me, only to then do a swift one-eighty turn to the left.  Up until that neat little turn, I did well.  However I would overcompensate every time.  What happened was I would end up doing a complete three-sixty twirl.  

In ballet, it would have been nice.  But where I was trying to do a martial arts kata, it looked ridiculous.  My balance would be compromised and I'd wobble trying to keep from falling down.

After a while it became painfully obvious to Don that my mind and body was not one with one another.  Heck, it wasn't even one-half.  He tried very hard to get me to focus on the task.  But about the time he started raising his voice in frustration that was when I told him it wasn't going to work.  

"Look, I'm trying I really am.  But…I just don't know how to do all of this!" I exclaimed irritably.  "I'm NOT Kira!"  I reiterated forcibly to him once more.

"That fact is obvious!" he deadpanned.  "At least you're trying very hard to convince me of that!" He sounded not too thrilled with me for the moment. 

Well, that made two of us, at least.

"So, what am I going to do?  I'm expected to go out on patrol with Father this evening.  How can I do that?" I moaned, sinking down to the carpeted floor in despair, sitting cross-legged.  I sighed deeply.  "How much time do I have before he expects me?" I asked pitifully.  I picked up the bo-staff that was next to me and inspected it absentmindedly as I awaited Don's reply.  

Don sat down and mumbled, "'Bout ten minutes."  

"Any chance of getting out of this patrol duty?" I asked hopefully, playing with end of the bo.

"Nope.  Once Leo's made up his mind, it's do or die!" Don replied.

"Well, I think I'm going to die tonight!" I mused.  

Don chuckled a little at my attempt at humor.  I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my legs, supporting my chin in my hands.  "What am I going to do?" 

"You're going to go out and make the best of it.  Tomorrow you and I will work some more.  Maybe once you get into the routine of doing katas again it'll all come back to you." Don suggested, looking over at me.

I looked at him and smiled, "Yeah, like getting blood from a turnip."  Sighing, I observed, "I'm not stupid.  What you did a while go to demonstrate what I needed to do took hours and hours, if not weeks and months to learn."

"Years, actually." Don said casually as he inspected his nails.

"Of course…how silly of me." I saw him smile at my jest.  "So, do you have the dedication to stick it out with me?" I asked him, hoping for a negative response.

"Don't have a choice.  Neither do you." He smiled, glancing my way.  "It's obvious you're physically capable of doing this, but the mind has to be in harmony with it.  We're going to have to take this one step at a time, though, until you master it.  Then we'll do the next step until you've mastered that and finally join it with the first step.  There are 27 movements to the Bassai-sho, which means that it will be a while before you can do it well."

"Wonderful.  Maybe by that time my other life will catch up with me!" I lamented, staring ahead at nothing in particular.  

We sat there for another minute in silence.  Finally I asked Don, "So what am I going to tell Leo?"  I scooted around on my rear to face him, waiting for his reply.

"I'd start with the truth!" he suggested, raising one eye ridge at me.

"I've tried that and he didn't believe me!" I replied back, frustrated.

"Hmm…neither do I, Kira!"  This time his gaze was hard and serious.  I cringed inside, but then I heard him say next, "But I do believe that at the very least you have lost some measure of confidence and maybe some ability.  You have not been making a habit of doing your katas for quite a while.  That might explain many things." Don paused as he studied me.  Then he smiled and offered, "So, maybe going out on patrol tonight will be good for you." 

With that he grabbed my left hand and stood up, taking me with him.  

"What?" I protested, "I can't go out on patrol!  What if we meet up with the Foot?  I can't fight.  Sheesh, I can't even do katas!"

"Doing katas, Kira, _is _fighting, only you don't have a physical opponent to spar with.  You're pretending to fight, but with the same intensity as if you really did have someone to go up against."  He squeezed my shoulder affectionately, "You'll do fine.  Your father won't let anything happen to you!"

"Well, I hope he works as well as you do, that's all I have to say!" I muttered.

Don barked out a laugh that caught me by surprise.  

"What?  What's so funny?" I asked him.

"You, what you just said.  Don't you know?" he asked, smirking.

"Duh – remember?  I'm the one who just arrived?" I chided derisively. 

"Yeah – right.  Well, your dad's the best in the clan is what I'm saying.  He can take on a dozen Foot soldiers at once and have them down and out in less than a minute!" Don chuckled.

"So, that means I have a lot to live up to…great!" I sighed.  What a disappointment _I_ was going to make. 

"Hmm…maybe.  It's nothing that he's ever voiced, but you are the daughter of our fearless leader so it stands to reason that he would expect more from you than from one of us." Then Don smiled, "But don't lose hope."

"Hope?  I've given up on that a long time ago!" I chagrined, jostling the bo-staff that Don said was my weapon of choice.

"At the very least," Don smiled, "you'll be making the rest of us look good; even Raph!" and with that Don slapped my shell a good one and then guided me out of the dojo, laughing, while I gripped my bo-staff firmly in my hands.

~*~*~*~*~*~

I stood there before Father and waited for his response.  I had just told him that I had forgotten how to do my katas and that Don had used the hour to refresh my memory.  Don added to it saying that he would be willing to take me under his wing as sensei to get me back to my old 'form'; whatever that was. 

If silence could be cut with a knife, it would have had to be a pretty sharp one to cut through the quiet that now enveloped the living area.  Splinter seemed surprised as he sat in his chair; his ears perked and his whiskers swept forward in anticipation.  He was still the patriarch of the clan, but due to his age Leo had assumed responsibility with keeping everyone's fighting ability honed to perfection.

I saw Raphael sneer at me as if pleased, for some reason.  I remembered from the cartoons and comics of my previous life that he and Father never did get along too well.  Mostly it was because of how Leo perceived his roll in the clan.  The amount of time spent in the dojo was another reason.  Raph just wanted to knock heads with the Foot rather than spend hours in the training room sparring.  I knew that Father felt otherwise based on my recollection of said entertainment.  But, here I was, the daughter of Raph's biggest pain-in-the-butt, completely clueless in how to defend herself.  

Mike observed all of this from the couch.  He had a bowl of popcorn and was munching enthusiastically as if he were at a boxing match waiting for the knock-out punch.  He smiled at me appreciatively.  Guess I was the best entertainment for the moment.  The television was off, so what else was he going to watch?

"Kira, I can't believe that you've forgotten what took you years to do.  It's not that easy to unlearn.  Surely you remember some of it?" Leo asked me.

"Well, mentally?  No.  But, my arms and legs seem to – a little." I mumbled sheepishly. "Kind of, I guess…" I added hurriedly.

"'Kind of' isn't enough!" Father snapped.  "If you're trying to get out of going on patrol with me, it won't work!" he declared.  

"NO, no that's not it.  I – um – really can't remember, is all!" I insisted.

Father looked over at Don for confirmation, but Don only shrugged his shoulders in a half-hearted attempt to agree with me. "She does seem to be having more trouble than normal, I have to admit." He finally said.  

I stared at Don's obvious understated comment.  I nearly lost control of keeping my mouth shut, shaking my head and rolling my eyes in frustration instead.

"Well," Leo decided as he looked back over at me, "You're going out on patrol with me and that's that.  We'll just have to – ah – rekindle that memory of yours, I guess!" The smile he then gave me did not warm my heart.  It was way too forced. 

I had a sinking feeling that the 'rekindling' meant some serious sparring with him at my expense.  Either that or he was going to deliberately put me in harms way if only to force me to own up to what he perceived to be deception.  

Quite honestly, I was hoping he would opt for the sparring.  The idea of meeting up with skilled ninjitsu Foot soldiers was causing my insides to do flip flops!

In no time at all he had me out of the lair and trudging along the tunnels, making sure I kept up with him as he led the way.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The sewers stunk!  I'd never in my life ever smelled anything as rank as what I was walking through now.  I kept my opinion to my self, however, since Father was still fuming over what he perceived to be an attempt by me to deceive him.  

However, we hadn't been more than ten minutes outside of the lair when his quiet contemplation stopped along with himself.  I followed suit.  He signed deeply before turning in my direction.

"Kira!  Can you try to at least be a little quieter!" he whispered sternly.

"What?  I haven't said a word!" I countered softly but defensively.  

"You're walking like an _elephant_!" he stated, putting his hands on his hips for emphasis and glaring at me.  

"Oh… well…I'll try to step quieter." I offered meekly.

"You will go stealth, is what you will do!" he ordered, resuming his march through the tunnels.

I followed from behind trying to step as quietly as I could.  I watched how Father was doing it, but no matter how hard I tried to emulate him an occasional footfall could be heard.  With the hollowness of the sewers to aid in the amplification, I think even the nervous beating of my heart would have been hard to silence.

Finally after another ten minutes, he turned on me again.

"Kira, do not tempt me!  You know better than to do that.  I would think after the close calls we've had in the past that you out of all of us should be better at stealth walking." He seethed

"I'm trying…" I replied back, "But I just can't do it!" I grounded out between clenched teeth.

Father narrowed his eyes at me, setting his jaw in a firm line.  I cringed.  I knew the moment I had uttered those words, I had said them a little too harshly.  I knew it was because I was stressed out – and hungry.  That water did little good that was certain.  But it wouldn't have mattered to the one now glaring at me as he approached determinedly.  I closed my eyes, waiting for whatever discipline he had decided upon.  I hunched up my shoulders out of reflex.  I waited, but nothing happened.  

After a moment I opened my eyes and saw that he wasn't looking at me anymore.  He had his head turned slightly away, in the direction that we had been heading.

"What?" I asked softly.  But then his hand came over my mouth fast while his other grabbed me and pulled me up against him.  He turned back around and the look he gave me told me plenty about shutting up.  My eyes teared up at that moment because I knew then that he had heard something – and it wasn't good.  I could feel his breath on me as he looked hard at my expression.   I would have turned my head away from him but he had his hand so firm over my mouth that I couldn't.  My eyes went wide as I looked to one side.  It was in that moment that Father's own eyes softened.  I think it was then that he realized I had been telling the truth.  

He went from indignation to extreme concern as it became clearly apparent that I was not at all ready to patrol with him.  Maybe the Kira I was supposed to be would have become more battle-ready.  Possibly she wouldn't have committed such dastardly crimes as I had earlier with my noisy walking.  Whatever it was that Father had added up to determine the truth of the matter, I knew that I was ill prepared to meet what was obviously coming our way!


	10. Caught!

I do not own any chelonian, bi-pedal, sai/bo/katana/chuk wielding green guys!  At the very least, they own me since I cannot stay away from updating this story.  I do own Kira sans Alicia Gordon, though.  Oh, and the story-line, too.  I have gleaned any and all kata/martial arts info off the 'net from a website owned by the University of Georgia Budokai, Sakugawa Koshiki Shorinji Ryu Karatedo.   I don't own them either!  I claim nothing in the way of expertise in martial arts.  It's only my addiction to the TMNT world that allows me to write about it.  Any blatant errors that reside in the body of this work is the result of blatant ignorance.  Don't flame me, but instead offer insight and instruction if you so choose.  Enough said! R&R – pretty please!  :0) 

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**CHAPTER 10 – Caught!        **

"Stay here!" Father instructed firmly.

"But, what if…" I began but the look he shot at me forced me to remain silent.

"Just stay here, okay?  I'll be right back." He repeated softly.  He cupped my face with one of his hands and smiled.  Then, he moved away from me.  

I watched as he walked towards the expanse of the tunnel, taking note of his progress.  Not a sound did he make, not even when he crossed through the sewer water to the other side from where I stood.  He quietly removed both his swords from their scabbards on his back and held them at the ready.  Father slowly and cautiously moved like the shadows that he passed through – silent, yet imposing.  His posture had changed from an alert sentry to that of a dangerous protector as he stepped purposefully.  Whatever it was that was lurking further up into the sewer system would not be doing so for too much longer.   Soon, he disappeared around a bend in the tunnel, leaving me alone and pretty much unprotected.  

My back hugged the sewer wall that was cloaked in the deep shadows of the tunnel.  I held my bo-staff close to me; wondering if I would need to use it.  I hoped I wouldn't have to.  

I was just a little bit nervous.

There was the occasional ceiling fixture every fifty feet or so whose light fingered its way along the tunnels.  But it was too small to adequately illuminate the area I was currently standing in.  In fact, the light that should have been closest to me was broken.  I hated the dark, yet in that moment I knew very well it could save my life. 

The only sounds that came to my ears were the occasional water drip and the scurry of rats that inhabited the sewers.  I was frightened and I desperately wanted to be back in the comforting embrace of the lair.  I was also colder where I was and noticed the difference right away.  In that defining moment I realized something quite profound.  My time with the turtles had been short, not even a full day and yet because of my circumstances I was finding a desire to return to them.  I found it amazingly weird.  

I didn't have any idea what or who Father was going to be up against and I truly wanted to alert the clan.  But in all honesty I hadn't been paying attention to where I was in the sewer with relationship to the lair.  

I looked back from where I had come and realized that there had been a split in the tunnel I hadn't been aware of.  The lighting at that end showed two veins of the sewer system; one splitting off to my right while the other one ran straight.  Which one had I come out of?  I was immediately thrown into a silent state of panic.  What if I had to run back for reinforcements?  What if Father returned to me injured and I had to get him back to the lair?  

I had a lot of these 'what if' scenarios going around in my head, which wasn't helping my anxiety any that was certain.  I closed my eyes and mentally backtracked, trying to remember how I had come to this spot.  But, I had been so focused at the time about trying to stay quiet, fully aware of what a disappointment I had been to Father, that I hadn't been paying attention.   My eyes brimmed with tears as I realized how foolish I had been, but I refused them release.  The last thing I needed to happen was to be crying if an attack came.  Not that I could do much about it, but at least I would be aware of whatever fate handed me.

Minutes passed without much more than what I had already heard.  I wondered if there _had_ been anything to be alarmed about in the first place.  Possibly it was just a cat or a dog that had wandered into the sewers and maybe they had killed a rat to feed on?  I didn't really remember hearing anything, but it was quite obvious that Father had.  

I sat down in a huddle, shaking from both the tension as well as the temperature in the sewer.  As I heard a new sound, I hugged the bo-staff closer to me.  It was different; not quite like a scurry nor did it remind me of dripping water.  I held my breath as I looked towards where Father had gone.  As I focused on it I realized that the sound wasn't advancing any further.  It was more like the last remnants of an echo.  I strained my ears to discern what it was.  But the sound was too diffused.  Plus the acoustics in the sewer confused me.  Not having any success, I tried to ignore it.

However, Father had been gone for quite a while, maybe ten minutes or so.  It seemed like hours to me and I was getting a little antsy.  Had he met up with whatever danger he had suspected?  Was a fight now brewing deeper into the sewer and that sound I heard a moment ago a reverberation from it?  Too many questions and not enough answers.  I held the staff tighter against me.  I wanted to go back to the lair, but I also wanted to find out what was happening up ahead.

While I crouched there and contemplated my next move I thought back to when Donatallo was showing me how to do a kata.  Though I was a pretty fast learner for most things, the movements for the Bassai-sho were complex.  It had been quite frustrating for me.  But Don had said the katas were a way to keep sharp in case of battle.  So, I mentally practiced what little I had learned, not wanting to be caught unable to defend my self if it came down to that here in the sewers.  

Then I remembered when I announced to Father about my lapse in memory.  His comment about how I had known the advanced kata for years stuck with me.  The key word there was 'advanced'.  Maybe what I needed to learn was the beginner's kata – if there was such a thing.  If one kata was advanced then it stands to reason that there were less complex versions of it as well.  Still, I was considered an established member of the clan and was certain that taking me back to square one would not be Father's first choice.  

What was taking him so long, anyway?  Did something happen?  Worried, I stood up and noticed the ache and stiffness in my legs.  I worked out the kinks and shook them to get the circulation moving again.  Rolling my shoulders to release the stress felt good, too.  It was about then I thought maybe I could at least inch my way to where the sewer took a turn.  That was where I had last seen Father.  

"It couldn't hurt to peep around the corner to see what was there, could it?" I wondered to myself.

Well, I was getting bored and less fearful anyway.  So I decided to change my scenery a little bit.  When Father told me to stay 'here', he probably meant for me to not follow him.  Staying in the general vicinity to my current position would still be obeying his request.  Those were my thoughts, anyway.

Looking in both directions to make sure that there wasn't anyone or _anything_ lurking around I quietly walked up towards the bend.  I stayed close to the wall and the shadows afforded there.  I stopped at a point before I reached my destination, fully aware that the lighting at that end had become brighter.    

I saw that there were darker areas on the other side of the culvert.  They seemed to be inviting me over with promises of concealment.  I watched the water as it flowed lazily down the middle of the pipe and wondered what exactly was in it.  Father didn't seem to mind it much so I decided to just do it and venture across.  

Good golly the water was cold!  I nearly gasped out loud from the shock of it.  Unable to control myself and desperate to get to dry land, I sloshed through quickly to the other side.  I cringed from the echoing sound of splashing water that was made as a result.  Why hadn't I assumed the water's temperature?  It was just plain stupid of me to think that it wouldn't be cold.  After all, the sewer itself was chilled just short of the interior of a refrigerator, why wouldn't the water be likewise!  

Grumbling to myself about how stupid I was, I pressed up against the sewer wall to regain my composure.  I knew that I had made a lot of noise.  Considering that I didn't know what was happening beyond the bend, my anxieties resurfaced.  Still, I had come this far so what was done was done.  

Regaining my courage once again I inched along the sewer.  I kept as close to the wall as I could.  But I soon noticed, however, that my feet dragged a little more than normal.  I was getting pretty tired all of a sudden, too.  My legs were now chilled from being wet and cold and I shivered just a little as a slight breeze floated by.  I really didn't pay much attention to it since my brain was starting to get a little foggy.  I thought it odd, though. 

I shook my head to clear it and moved my shoulders a little more to awaken the stiffening muscles.  That seemed to help some.  I then brought each knee up high to stretch my legs, but they seemed unusually sluggish in response.  And then a thought came to me.  I recognized in that moment that if I was reptilian, then the chill of the sewer and the frigid water were probably putting me into hypothermia.  Maybe I needed to stop and just stay put?

But then the memory of that breeze came back to me.  It was rather strange that down here there would even be something like that.  Crossing into a shadow, I stopped my advance on the bend in the sewer and flattened up against the wall again.  I looked around but didn't see anything out of the ordinary.  

"Must be my imagination playing tricks on me." I said to myself.  I kind of chuckled a little at how silly it was.  What could be down here except the rats, the water, and Father?  

The Foot?  

That thought sobered me a little.  What if the noise Father heard had been someone from that organization?  What if the noise I had heard earlier had been from a battle between them and him?  I noticed that the silence I had enjoyed earlier had returned, so my next thought was, what if they defeated him and were now looking for the lair?  They may have had scouts in the area that saw what direction Father had come from, so maybe they were now backtracking to this point in the sewer?  

I was working my self up to a good intense level, looking nervously at the bend up ahead when a touch suddenly graced my shoulder. 

I screamed!  Jumping high and swinging around fast, I took the bo-staff with me.  Without thinking and purely on instinct alone, I violently brought the staff down swift and hard over my head and slammed it up against - two pair of swords that were crossed in front of each other.  The weapons caught the bo and held it fast!  I then recognized them.  They belonged to Father – and the glare from his face said that he was not at all pleased with me.  

I had to also realize the obvious fact that he was the _'breeze'_ that I had felt only moments before.   I was caught!

I cringed at what he said to me, his voice hard and stern, "Why didn't you stay put?"

I thought about a variety of answers, but none of them would have appeased him.  So, I went with the truth.

"I was concerned.  You were – ah - taking so long and I was getting worried … and bored … an - and restless." My words trailed off as I recognized that even the truth didn't sound good.  I tried to look away from him, but it was pretty clear by his posturing and his penetrating stare that I dare not!

"I see…" he stated flatly.  He looked at me as he replaced his swords behind him and back into their scabbards.  Once they were secure, he relaxed a little and leaned up against the wall of the sewer, crossing his arms in front of him.  "So, tell me again about forgetting how to do katas?" he asked me derisively.  He had one eye ridge cocked in expectation.

"What?  What do you mean?" I asked in confusion, setting the bo-staff end down beside me. "I forgot how to do them.  That's it."

"Really?" he said mockingly. "Then explain to me how you could remember so quickly about using the bo-staff like you just did?"  Father nodded towards the implement in my right hand.

"Huh?" I replied in surprise, looking at my weapon.  Going back to Father, "I only reacted; purely on instinct.  I – I thought you were someone else is all…" I was not feeling too comfortable right about then.  "I don't know how to use this…" I said defensively as I held up the staff, "But a stick's a stick in my book.  Anyone can throw a stick around." 

"Not the way you just used it, they don't!" Father seethed. "Kira, I'm tired of these games.  Earlier you had me almost convinced that you were telling the truth.  But just a moment ago you tripped yourself up." He smiled, "And I knew you would, too!"

I cocked my head and thought about what he had just said.   Then, the light turned on.  

"You – never did hear any sound, did you?" I asked hesitatingly, trepidation starting to roost in my heart.  

Father smiled triumphantly.  He was still leaning against the sewer wall with his arms folded in front of him. 

"You deliberately acted like there was something going on, just to force me to react?" I asked in disbelief.  I stood there clearly irked.

No answer came from him.  All he gave back to me was that cocky and annoying, rod up the butt smile.  I was peeved!

"WHAT if something _had_ come along? What then?" I complained, my temper now coming to the fore.  I was livid.  I did not take kindly to being set up; no not at all.  Never did.  Maybe it was because of being the middle child in my other life and having both my older and younger siblings to tease me my resiliency to such behavior was limited.

"Nothing would have come along.  And even if it had, I was close by.  Plus, you would have done what you were trained to do – despite your insistence of forgetting how to." Father replied confidently. "Now, shall we begin our patrol?" 

And with that he pulled away from the wall and nudged me as he passed by, nodding his head in the direction of the bend in the sewer. 

I grumbled irritably.   But I was also perplexed.  How could I not know how to do something one moment and then, when push came to shove, manage to do it in the next?  I walked along behind my antagonist, puzzling over the recent set of events.  Whatever the reason and answer, I was now even more out of sorts with the turtle that walked smugly in front of me.  I could only imagine what kind of katas I would be doing once we returned home.  

"Could my life get any worse?" I seethed under my breath.

Father sniggered as I followed him around the bend, "We have four hours to find out, Kira; just be patient!"

I could only groan in frustration.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_LADY VENOM2__: Re: Chapter 8 - Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!  Yes, I always felt that Don could be written more aggressively, too.  However I think it's true with all of us that as we get older, so does our attitude.  Confidence usually follows maturity.  The TMNT's  in this universe are not teenagers.  If Leo had Kira at – say – 18, then with her being nearly 16 in this story that would make him around 34.  Raph would be a little older (or younger, depending on who you talked to) and the others following suit.  In this fic, they are full fledged adults, another words.  I mention this because I think Don would develop more attitude as he aged.  I haven't even touched on Mikey, yet!  Bwahahaha!  Any more Rowan stories???   I like her!_

_RAMICA__ – Re: Chapter 8 & 9 -  Poor Kira can't convince anyone, can she?  No matter how close she comes to it, something always happens.  She is befuddled and confused at this point – which will only get worse, I think, as the story progresses.  Her angst has only yet begun!  Once she returns to the lair and Leo informs Don of how she handled the bo, me thinks her life will probably begin and end in the dojo!  Could her life get any worse?  Probably!  Thanks for reading and reviewing, of course!  Looking for more updates on your stories, too!_

_JO DAWN__ – Yeah, it was nice while it lasted.  Oh well.  Hard to say what torture I'll put her through in the next installment, but I promise I won't have Don or Leo kill her – not quite yet, anyway!  LOL   Warm fuzzies have a tendency to fizzle away, don't they?  Thanks for reading and reviewing!  BTW, where's your next chapter in What the Heart Wants?  I'm getting gray hairs wondering what's gonna happen next!! _

_BUSLADY OF SOCAL__:  re: chapter 7.  Ah, yeah, Kira probably wanted to cry, but what good would it have done her?  Same with throwing a chair – or banging pots and slamming cupboards!  She would have lost breakfast and possibly lunch, too.  Knowing the clan the way I've crafted them here, anyway.  She's up that proverbial creek without a paddle and should be grateful she even has a boat!  LOL   Thanks a bunch for reading and reviewing!  Ah, re: your story - Raph needs to find a new friend who can help keep the zookeepers off their backs!_

_PRETENDER FANATIC__ – re: Chapter 8 – 0-o you signed in?  How – strange of you….hmmm… is this REALLY you or did some alien take over your account?  Hmmm…okay, assuming you are you….I'm glad you liked chapter 8!  I had fun writing it.  I mean, this poor girl is being tossed emotionally from one spectrum to the other, trying to adjust, getting 'banged' around by this rule and that, not having a clue.  What's a poor girl to do?  Cry…yep, I sure would!  I just write the way I would react is all.  Sort of gives you a bit of insight to my own schizophrenia, huh?  LOL  Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Hey, when are you gonna write a TMNT story???  I bet it'd be good!_

_KUROI NEKO-kun__ – Cool!!!  You're gonna write something!  Let me know, pweety pweeze, when you upload it!!  I'd love to read and review!!  Ah, poor Kira…Leo will have a hard time after chapter 10 of believing ANYTHING she has to say now.  Peace can last just so long.  Yes, Leo can be an idiot, but at least he's an honest one!  He can only go by what he sees and senses about his daughter.  He has a history with her that we do not know fully and can only assume based on how he and the rest of the clan react to her.  It's quite possible that given their experiences, we would probably treat her the same way!  Until such time she proves she has changed, that is!  I think a lot of teenagers who have made mistakes and their parents – who also make mistakes, as well – have a hard time coming to terms and making peace.  It all just sort of builds on itself until one or the other or both take the initiative to do it!  :0)   Often not until that teen becomes an adult and has kids, themselves!  Then, sweet justice for their parents!  HA!  Only kidding.   Thanks for reading and reviewing!  _


	11. In For a Penny, In For a Pound

**CHAPTER 11 – In For a Penny, In For a Pound!**

By the time we had returned to the lair, I was exhausted.  Between my hunger and then Father's attempt at humor by whirling at me unexpectedly during our patrol, I was ready to crash.  I couldn't believe the 'punishment' he exacted from me all because he believed I had been _'playing him like a fine tuned piano'_, as he had so eloquently put it.

~*~~*~*~

The first time he had turned on me without warning was a good hour after he had nearly scared the shell off of me.  I was caught completely unaware!  Not thinking he would repeat his initial action earlier when he had sneaked up behind me, I had screamed.  This only gave him a reason to lecture me once again about being quiet.

"Well, don't give me reasons to scream, then!" I had shot back at him irritably.

One thing I learned quickly from that comment was to not make them.  Father had me do fifty pushups for that outburst!  My arms were so sore and shaky afterwards I could barely hold my bo-staff when I was done!  Needless to say, I focused hard in keeping my comments to myself from that point on.

But that was the first of many such wonderful lessons from him.  

The one I hated the most, though, was when he'd make me take the lead as we marched along through the sewers.  Again, initially I was ignorant of his reasons for doing so.  I was already used to his silent foot-fall, but I could always tell when he was near me.  My personal 'proximity' alarm was becoming quite acute.  But when I noticed the first time that he had 'disappeared' without warning, it unnerved me quite a bit.  I didn't know where he had traipsed off to, but I knew he was out there; I knew it!  I could sense him.  

But I just couldn't see or hear him.  

Then, without so much as a breeze to warn me, he'd be right on top of me waving his swords at my head!  I knew better than to run and scream– as much as my legs and lungs wanted to.  So I'd grimace and throw up my bo-staff in defense, hoping I did it right so it would block his strike.  After a couple of these mock attacks, he'd switch his routine and have me at a loss once more with what he was planning on doing next.  

He'd then distract me with lessons on how to 'read' the sewer.  The way the rats were moving around, the kind of trash filtering down into the culvert, the smells and sounds all _'said something about the environment'_, he would tell me.  I was grateful for this bit of trivia, but after a while I began to wonder if teaching me the _Way of the Sewer_ was only to distract me from his real intent!  His _Way of Terrifying_ me!

He did his best to teach me how to be prepared, but did he ever give me one word of instruction as far as working the staff or doing marital arts?  Nope, not him.  It was far too much fun, I think, for him to sneak up on me and see the color drain completely away from my face!  

I was truly learning to hate him; I really was. 

By the time our four hours were up, though, I had to admit that he surprised me less and less.   Maybe I was coming to expect it or maybe I was starting to tap into whatever it was I didn't know I had.  Father knew I had it and even Don alluded to knowing I had it.  Convincing me, however, was a different game all the way around.  But I think I was coming to terms with it, just the same.

When it was all said and done, though, I noticed a change in Father's demeanor.  It seemed that every successful deflect I made against any of his assaults slowly dissolved away his anger.  Where he would look at me with scorn in the beginning his expression started to soften little by little near the end.  I did note a difference in him when this happened, too.  I couldn't explain it but it was like reading the 'signs' that the sewer gave to the general 'health' of its environment.  Like Father's anger, I could tell when he was pleased without having to hear any words of praise. 

~*~*~*~*~

As we were approaching the lair, Father hugged me and then kissed the top of my head affectionately, saying, "You did well tonight, Kira; despite my worries." 

I was somewhat chagrined by his outward expression of affection and a little embarrassed.  I didn't know how to react, so I didn't.  I just shrugged my shoulders silently and looked away.  I was tired, I think, and definitely famished by now.  But I knew I had to wait until morning to eat so my thoughts at that time were to get to bed as soon as I could.  

Ah, but I did forget about one thing, though.  Just as I was starting to head for my room, an aged voice called out to me from another just down a ways from mine.  

"Kira Siew, please come and visit with me." Splinter requested.

I was so beat and so hungry that I tried to ignore him.  I went into my room and closed the door, hoping that maybe I would be excused this one time.  Maybe they would think I didn't hear him and would forgive me for just this evening.  One could dream, I guess, because almost as soon as my door had closed, it swung open again and there was Father, scowling at me. 

"I think Splinter wishes to see you, Kira!  Do not disappoint him!" he growled.  Yes, Father was tired, too, but not so much that he couldn't right my rude behavior.

Taking a deep breath I nodded lazily and proceeded past his glowering self.  I asked where Splinter was and Father pointed towards a door about two down from mine.  I then proceeded slowly towards the rat's room.  

Once inside I was assaulted by the heavy perfume of incense.  Gray-ish wisps of smoke hovered against the ceiling as they tumbled slowly around, looking for a way of escape.  There wasn't any so the faint cloud of fragrance kept building on itself.  

Passing through an errant puff of smoke, I noticed that the floor area seemed less congested.  So, noticing that Splinter was already lying in his bed, I took the area next to it and sat on the rug afforded there.  I swallowed back the cough that wanted to protest the perfumy air and then did my best to look attentive.  

Splinter smiled at me and stroked my head with his right hand.  That same bony texture smoothed over my hairless skull, caressing my scalp.  I found it pleasing and it seemed to affect my current mood.  I came in irritable, tired, and frustrated.  But after a moment of Splinters ministrations, I was less so.  He waited for a moment or two before speaking to me.  I had this gut feeling that he knew exactly what was going on inside of me and was waiting until I was ready to listen.  He wasn't the patriarch of the family for nothing that was certain!

Then, he said to me, "There is still much anger and frustration in you, Kira Siew, but there is less of it tonight!  I trust that all went well with your first watch?"

How could I answer him, I wondered?  I could go on about how Father had delighted in terrifying me; jumping out unexpectedly and acting like he was ready to slice my head off each time.  I could go on about the smells that permeated throughout the sewer; nearly making me lose my stomach on more than one occasion.  I could have told him about many things that occurred during those four hours while on patrol.  But I had this _sinking_ feeling that he would have not been too sympathetic with me.  I was pretty certain of this.  

So, I answered meekly, "As well as could be expected, I guess!"  

Yeah, that pretty much summed it up, all right!  All things considered, what else could I have said to the old rat?  His pride and joy, my father, Leo san, the Perfect Son, and _other names that came to mind_ had been my guide.  Whatever he deemed necessary on my behalf I was sure Splinter would have nodded approval at.  So I let my comment rest on that!

Then, for the next hour Splinter did a series of verbal and meditative lessons with me.  The verbal ones were trying for me considering how very tired I was.  I had a hard time keeping an expression of interest without my eyes crossing from weariness.  

However, I loved the meditation!  

Almost immediately upon closing my eyes and trying to '_rid my mind of all thought'_, I found my self in dream land!  It felt so good to be asleep.  However, when my head bounced forward as I rushed towards unconsciousness, it startled me awake.  Blinking my eyes to refocus, I saw Splinter staring at me disapprovingly.

"You will have ample time to sleep, Kira Siew.  Now is the time to focus on gaining knowledge through meditation!" he admonished me gently. 

"Yes, Sir…" I replied sheepishly, stifling a yawn before it could manifest itself.

So for the remainder of my hour in Splinter's room I meditated and focused – mainly on trying to stay awake.  I can't honestly say that my mind was devoid of all thought since my growling stomach kept interrupting me.  But, by the time Splinter called it a night, I did feel somewhat refreshed.  I found it truly odd, though.  I had never thought meditation of any nature could 'refresh' a person, yet that was exactly how I felt when I finally left his room.

I shuffled back down the hallway making for my bedroom door.  But, I needed the restroom, first.  After I was done with that I started back for my room again.  However, I didn't quite make it.  There standing in front of my opened door was Father.  His usual expression of disdain was clearly evident on his face.  

I was clueless.

"What did I do now?" I asked in a matter of fact tone.  Though my time patrolling ended up on a positive note, I was still so used to having done something wrong that my response was becoming conditional.  And I hadn't even been in this hell-hole for twenty-four hours yet.  To me, though, it seemed like it had been weeks!

"You tell me?!" Father demanded in a huff, his hands on his hips in anger.

"Huh?" I inquired wearily. "I've been too tired to do _anything_.  I've been in Splinter's room for the past hour, right after I returned home, an - and I just finished up in the restroom.  What time would I have to do anything remotely wrong?" I complained.

"Maybe not tonight, but certainly you've been storing up!" he declared.

"What? Storing up what?  What did I store up?" I asked irritably.

All Leo did was point into my bedroom and motioned with his head for me not to tarry too long in getting in there.  

Rolling my eyes and resigning myself to whatever it was he had discovered, I huffed in with an attitude that was slowly edging towards critical.  When I was tired and I mean really tired, I threw all caution to the wind.  This was one of those times – but I really should have been in better control for once.

When I finally entered my room, there in the bottom two drawers of my dresser that had been pulled out was exposed a collection of boxed cookies, granola bars, dried fruit, and cans of vegetable juice! I just stared slack jawed and in awe.  All that food was there the whole time?  How'd it get there, I asked myself in wonder?

It all looked so good, too.  I was mesmerized. 

"How did all of that food get there, Kira?" Father demanded loudly.  

How'd it get there, he asks?  How in hell was I to know?  But I curbed my language, replying, "A – I haven't a clue, and – B – what would possess you to even go in my room in the first place and search?" I asked indignantly.

Well, some lessons can be learned the first time, whilst others need more augmentation before they are understood.  Such as my mouthing off.  

I soon found my self in the dojo, doing one hundred push-ups with Father overseeing each and every grunt that I made.  If I hated him earlier, I was loathing him now.  No matter how hard I tried to convince him that I did not squirrel away the food and that someone else must have – just to get back at me and I wondered who that someone might have been – he ignored me completely.  When I was done with my pushups I was forced to clean each and every weapon in the collection.  And, yes, Father believed it was such a worthy thing for me to do that he stayed with me the entire time to make sure I did it, too.  

While I cleaned, he delighted in lecturing me about integrity and honor and other blatantly boring bile that I was sure to throw up eventually.  It wasn't that I disagreed with him, it was the fact that I was exhausted and falsely accused of doing something I know I didn't do.  But the proof of my innocence could not be seen with the memory of those drawers filled to capacity with _my_ pirated stash of food.  Obviously, 'Kira' had figured out how to get around not being allowed to have dinner.  Stupid girl should have found a better hiding place for her stash than her dresser drawers.  Like under the bed, for instance.

It was near to being two in the morning by the time I had finished.  When I was released from my punishment, I was allowed back in my room.  Evidently while I was gone, another member of the clan had emptied the drawers of any trace of food.  

"Hmm…I wonder who was drafted to do that lovely job?" I grumbled to myself.

I closed my bedroom door and then went over to sit down on my bed.  My head swam with all the activity from the day.  I thought a lot about what Splinter had said regarding attitude and following through.  He was a sweet guy, really, but I didn't doubt his ability to smack me one if I did get out of line.  But with him I didn't feel hate or resentment; just disappointment – and that hurt.  I wondered if Father would tell him about his little discovery in my room.  

As I took my bandanna and my elbow and knee pads off, I placed them in the top drawer.  After I closed it I saw Mei Pei's mirror on the top of the dresser where I had put it last.  I picked it up and studied the intricate designs that Father had cut into the wood backing.  I fingered it and traced the vine and rose work, marveling at the care he had taken to make each engraving.  I smiled a little.  He did truly love her.  I was certain he loved me, too; despite his anger towards me.  I wondered when it would all even out for me to prove that I was not the Kira he thought I was.  It seemed that for every step I took in that direction, I was pushed back three.  At the rate I was going, by the end of the next day I was sure I'd be banished from the lair!

But I quelled any thought of that since it was starting to erode what I had left on my emotion control.  I was too tired to cry anyway.

I thought about the weapons cleaning and fuming about the unfairness of it all.  Stupid Kira!  Was she so spoiled and ill mannered that she couldn't go without even one meal?  Then I remembered my admonishment of her and commenting to myself how she should have hidden her hoard of food under the bed.  I wonder….

Lifting up the comforter and the bed skirt, I lowered myself onto my plastron and looked underneath.  I squinted to diffuse the light from my room and pushed my face closer to the underside.  After a moment of adjusting my eyes, I couldn't help but laugh.  Kira wasn't so stupid after all.  In fact, she was very smart.  

By filling her dresser drawers with what she could with food, she distracted any potential search from her real stash.  There under where she slept was a double quantity of what the dresser had.  I looked longingly at all that food.  I was truly tempted, I really was.  I sat back on my haunches, though, and let the bed skirt fall down in place again.  

There I wrestled for ten minutes about what to do regarding this new discovery.  I could say nothing about it and just let it be; but then the next inspection might be the bed.  My father and the others were not stupid – not by a long shot!  What harm would there be in eating some of it and then owning up to the rest of it?  Well, my integrity was already at rock bottom with the other store of food being discovered.  I'm sure any bit of food left on my teeth or mouth would commit me for sure.  

I realized finally that here was a chance to prove myself.  Here I could take the high road and do what was right by my punishment.  Though even with what I had been accused of to warrant such, I knew I was innocent.  But as far as Father was concerned, I wasn't.  He still saw me as his Kira and she had indeed violated curfew as well as other rules of the clan.  At the very least, I would be helping her reputation.  

Once I had every box, bag, can, bottle, and what-have-you out from underneath the bed, I stared at it.  I shook my head in amazement.  It must have taken her months to collect all of it.  I could only surmise that Kira had had so many dinner-less evenings that out of desperation she began to hoard.  How she was able to acquire this much puzzled me, though.  It wasn't like she could just waltz into the local grocer and do a bit of shopping; unless she shopped at Mike's Grocers in the kitchen pantry?  

Now, there was a whole new problem all the way around. Stealing from the clan was probably not a good thing.  But, I was into it this far and I was going to see it to completion. 

No matter what!


	12. The Price of Integrity

So redundant, but I do not own the TMNT's.  I only own Kira, but don't tell her, okay?  She's stressed enough as it is.  Poor girl.  ~~_weeps for Kira, but then laughs wickedly_**~~**

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**CHAPTER 12 – Integrity**

I assumed that when I told Father about the extra food that he was going to be livid.  The fact that his bedtime was late due to overseeing my punishment was one reason.  The other was going to be, of course, about the new hoard of food that made the size of the first stash pale in comparison.  Considering how things worked here in the lair, I was certain breakfast and maybe even lunch would not be on the menu for tomorrow.  At least for me, that is!

Of course, my stomach was not the least bit thrilled with that news!  But I was determined to see my plan through.  I headed out my bedroom door determined to get it over with.  If I tarried too long thinking about it, I was afraid my courage would fail me!

~*~*~*~*~*~

I was standing outside Father's door ready to knock on it when it suddenly opened.

"What?" he asked irritably.  

_"How did he know I was standing here?"_ I asked myself worriedly._ "Must be that 'ninja' sense he has.  Great…."_ I muttered to myself.

It was obvious that Father had been sleeping; his mask and pads were off and his eyes were a bit blurry.  I had to suppress a chuckle, however.  He did not look at all like the imposing figure earlier that tried his best to give me repeated heart attacks!  

Yet, I was right about one thing; he _was_ grumpy!  

Despite my initial reaction to him, I was intimidated by the expression that was now starting to form on his face.  It was not at all friendly.  I really did not expect it to be, but if looks could kill, I would have already been six feet under. 

"Kira, I'm tired.  It is two-thirty in the morning. If you have something to say please say it!" he demanded wearily.  He suppressed a yawn while I fumbled for the right words.

I took a deep breath and began with an apology, "I'm really sorry about the – ah – food in the drawer.  I had kind of forgotten about it, actually."  

Oh man, what is it about me with lame excuses?  I could see that Father agreed with me whole-heartedly on that one.  He rolled his eyes and shook his head at me.

"Okay, fine.  I accept it.  Now can I go back to sleep?" He began to close the door, but I quickly put my hand out to prevent it.

"Ah, there's one more thing.  It's – ah – kind of important."

Father did not say anything but waited.  He tapped his foot impatiently and he held onto the door protectively, ready to close it at the first opportunity.

"Well – it's sort of embarrassing.  I – ah – foundsomemorefood." I rushed, my voice trailing off as my confidence tanked.

"You found what?" he asked me, furrowing his eye ridges together.

Ah, man, he's going to be pissed.  I could tell it already.

"More food." I nodded quickly and nervously. "Under – my bed – sort of.  No, it _was_ under my bed; there is no sort of.  I…." 

Father interrupted, "I know, so…just go back to bed, Kira.  We'll talk about it tomorrow.  No, we'll talk about it later this morning because it's already tomorrow.  _G'night_!" and with that Father shut the door.  

I just stood there in shock. 

He knew?  Father knew about the extra food?  But…why didn't he make a big fuss about ...  Before I could finish that thought, however, I heard him one more time through his bedroom door.

"Kira if you want to stay up that's entirely up to you.  But, please do so in your own room and NOT outside my door!  G'NIGHT!"

I was furious!  

I turned around and stomped back to my own room, muttering complaints under my breath, "_All that stress, all that worry, wondering how many more times I was going to have to clean the weapons, go without food, be a pariah in my own home."_….and then I stopped right there.

I was standing in the doorway of my bedroom and repeated to myself the last three words I had just said.  

"_My own home_?  Now when and where did I start thinking about this place as being 'my own home'?" I muttered irritably to myself.

The transformation of my heart and the memory of my previous life had just suddenly switched places.  I wasn't too sure how to react to that.  I did know that I wanted my old life back.  I didn't want to worry about katas, sewers, Foot soldiers, or hoarding food to make up for not getting dinner.  The experiences from the previous day certainly didn't endear to me my current reality that was certain.  

Yet for reasons that I could not understand I was starting to accommodate myself to this life – albeit, rather reluctantly and not with out a few choice words along the way!  

I looked back towards Father's bedroom door and scowled.  He KNEW!  

What would make him not mention something about the extra food?  Why would he miss a chance to punish me more by ignoring this latest fact?  I pondered that for a while as I resumed my position cross-legged on my bed.  I was staring angrily down at the pile that now occupied the middle of my room.  

Maybe, just maybe…he was testing me?  That gave me 'food for thought' you can be sure!

Well, now what was I going to do about it?  

I stood up and picked up one package and looked at it.  Granola bars weren't high on my list of munchies, but considering how famished I was feeling, it looked like a seven course meal to me.  I thought of ripping into it and devouring every bar to my hearts content – just to spite the one who _KNEW_ about it!  But I was smart enough to realize that unless I could conceal the empty box and the torn open wrappers, Father would know I had violated my punishment.  Maybe the real Kira would have flipped him off and gone ahead with it anyway; throwing all caution to the wind.  But I had something to prove and prove it I was going to do!

I looked around my room to see what I could use in order to cart the food back to the kitchen.  I did not want any of it staying in my room, not for one minute longer than necessary.  I didn't care if it took me the remainder of the night – or morning as the case may be.  I was going to return every packet, bag, can, and container to the pantry.  I'd let Mike determine what had expired – if any – and then deal with whatever confrontation I might have to face later with Father.  At this point in the deal, I was toast anyway.  

Deciding on using my blanket, I piled the stash into the middle of it and then pulled up all four corners of the covering.  Twisting the material so that I wouldn't lose any of its contents, I pulled the 'bag' towards my now opened door.  Unfortunately, the blanket-bag was so wide it would not go through the opening easily.  I pulled and jostled, manipulating the contents up and over each other, until finally I had it into the corridor.  Then, I dragged it – rather noisily, too – down the hall and into the living room towards the kitchen.  

I didn't care who I woke up at that point.  I was still fuming about the fact that Father KNEW!  

~*~*~*~*~*~

I had tried to get every item back into the pantry.  But there was just so much stuff!  Running out of room in the cabinet, I settled some of it onto the counter.  Yet despite how I was feeling earlier, currently I felt great.  I was rather smug with me, in fact, for my self-control and determination to do what I knew I had to.   I stood back to survey my handiwork and then looked up at the kitchen clock and saw that it read three-fifteen.  Not knowing what time 'wake-up' call was, I turned around to head back out of the room and to bed. 

However, the moment I did I came almost face to face with Mike.  He was leaning against the doorframe; his nunchukus clenched in his right fist while his left shoulder firm against the doorjamb.  It was obvious that he had just finished doing the patrol that followed Father's and mine.  He 'smelled' of the sewer. 

"What are you doing up and in the kitchen, no less?" he asked me sternly. 

Mike's countenance was devoid of the cheerful expression that he had on earlier before I left with Father to do our watch.

But I was tired.  No excuse for what came out of my mouth next, but that was the truth.

"What's it to you?" I muttered.  Because he had surprised me, my good mood was gone right along with my common sense.  Plus, I had yet to get to know Mike like I had with Don, Raphael, and Father.  In fact, my only recollection of him was how he had been portrayed in the comics and cartoons from my old life.  

However, the next few moments would educate me quite a bit about how insufficient that information really was.

Before I realized it, Mike had grabbed me by one arm and forced me back against the kitchen cabinets; now littered with the cartons of food that I had put there only moments before.  I heard the shell on my back clang loudly against the edge of the tile counter as I hit it; my eyes going wide since his reaction to my comment was not expected.  

Wasn't Mike the fun-loving guy?  Didn't he do all the joking around and didn't he try to get along with everyone?  I was shocked and completely unprepared for his response.

In a voice that chilled me to the bone, Mike seethed, "Do NOT talk to me that way, Kira!  I will not stand for it!" He glared menacingly at me and it was then that I noticed a bleeding cut along the upper portion of his right arm.

"Y- you're hurt!" I exclaimed worriedly.

"Don't change the subject!  What were you doing in the kitchen!" he barked.  

"I wasn't trying to change the subject," I came back saying, "But to answer your question…I was putting things away!" My voice went soft, not knowing if he would believe me.  

He didn't.

"Yeah?" he asked, his left eye ridge shooting up in suspicion, "Then open your mouth!" he demanded.

"Huh?" I asked, "Why?" 

Mike glared at me and it was then that I complied.  It was so embarrassing while he visually checked my teeth and gums.  To be honest I felt somewhat violated.

"Put your tongue up, Kira!" he ordered next.  Not wanting anymore of his glares, I cooperated.  I couldn't help but roll my eyes in frustration.  He caught it and shot me look that said to 'knock it off'.  I sighed deeply in resignation.

Finally convinced that I had been telling the truth, Mike released his hold on my arm.  It ached from his grip and I honestly felt that he had bruised me.  But when I looked, not even a fingerprint was noticeable. I found that completely odd.  How had he inflicted such pain in my arm and yet not leave a mark?  I reasoned that it must have been yet one more technique that only ninjitsu could teach.  Acupressure?   Well, it was certainly effective.

"Why were you putting 'away'?" Mike asked me, relaxing now that he was sure of my sincerity.  He placed his nunchukus on the kitchen table and went over to a cupboard.  He came back to the sink with a glass and filled it to the brim with tap water.  He drank deeply, wiping his mouth afterwards with the back of his left hand.  He then looked at me.

"I asked you a question.  You gonna answer?" He asked.  Mike's expression had softened a little bit, but the attitude was still there.

"I found some boxed food in my bedroom and I was putting it away.  Didn't want to get into any more trouble, is all." I explained simply.  

Mike looked at me and nodded his head, "Good for you. 'Bout time, too!" and then he turned to exit the kitchen.  But he stopped and then looked back at me.  More to the point, he looked at the littered counter. "All of that was in your room?" he asked, now staring intently at me.  

I blushed, replying, "Guess so…yeah."

He came back over to inspect the hoard.  Then, noticing that the pantry cabinet wasn't quite closed he opened it.  His eyes nearly bugged out of his face as he stared at the now well-stocked food closet.  "What the?" he muttered.  Looking back at me he asked, "This cabinet was nearly empty, Kira.  You mean to tell me that you had ALL of this in your room?"  

The look that started to grow on his face did not fill me with warm fuzzies.  In fact, I seriously thought about running to my room and barricading myself in.  However, I knew I wouldn't have even made it out the kitchen, not with how fast I knew they could be.

I could only hang my head in shame.  Mike then took my chin and lifted it up so he could look at me eye to eye.  But my eyes were brimming.  I was tired, previously chastised and punished, overwhelmed with the whole ordeal, and completely at a loss for words.  But I did manage a weak, "I'm sorry". 

I noticed a softening in Mike right about then, an understanding that I was truly sincere with my apology.  His eyes misted over just slightly as he sensed my turmoil, then he let go of my face and gently patted my flushed cheek.   
  
"Well, tomorrow we'll talk about this, 'kay?  Right now, I'm tired and it's plain to see you are, too.  'Sides, I need to tend to my arm." And with that, he turned away from me and headed for the kitchen door.

Sobered by my new respect for Mike, I asked him as I sucked back a sob, "Do you need help with that cut?" 

Mike turned back and smiled, "Sure." Then he nodded towards the living room as if to beckon me to follow him.  

Well, one thing was certain.  Mike might have been the easygoing guy that enjoyed a good joke – or watch someone, like myself, get chewed out – but he was no pushover.  I was beginning to realize that whatever preconceived notion I had originally about these turtles was going to have to be pushed aside.  

Since I didn't know how long I would be living here in this reality, my acceptance for the way things were was going to have to happen - one way or the other.

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DANCINGFAE: Yeah, I'm sure those reading this are picking up the frustration level that Kira is feeling.  My exact purpose, in fact!  :0) Possibly, now, with what happened in chapter 12, Kira/Alicia can start making some headway.  You know how it is when you take over a 'job' that someone else has trashed?  It takes a moment or more to pick up the pieces.  Hopefully I can write some progress into the next chapter or two.  I think I've angst this girl to death as it is!  Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed.

KUROI NEKO-KUN: Hey, take your time with the writing.  No hurry here; I'm patient!  :0) Well, ignorance aside, I think Kira has turned a 'bend' in her present reality to maybe start with some progress?  Tough times are still ahead, though.  Bwahahaha!  Don believing her?  With what Leo found out while on patrol and then discovering the food-stash in her bedroom?  Would you?  Hmmm….  Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed.

RAMICA: Yeah, the food in the drawers was a 'spur of the moment' addition that took over the entire chapter.  I figured, the 'other' Kira would have been crafty and defiant enough to make sure she would never go hungry regardless of the imposed restrictions of her clan.  Can't say that I blame her, but I can't say that I blame them, either.  However, Kira/Alicia did have to pay the price.  However, I do want her to have some integrity – even though she would have probably hoarded food in her own world.  She's completely out of her comfort zone with this one, though, so extreme measures are called for.  Oh, and I was originally going to have her meet up with the Foot while on patrol until I wrote in 'the breeze'.  That inspired me to change the course of that chapter!  I think having Leo forcing her to dig deep to rediscover what her 'body' obviously knows how to do was more important.  She can meet the Foot later…if I decide to write that in.   And, yes, I had a great time with it, too!  Thanks for reading and reviewing.  Be blessed.

LADY VENOM2: Yeah, the comment Kira made about the bed spawned that idea, too.  I was just going to leave it as a comment and then have maybe a granola bar sitting in the drawer where she keeps her extra bandannas and pads.  Then I'd have her take the bar to Leo and have him say something about her keeping it for doing such a good job on patrol.  But, I couldn't resist writing this chapter the way that I did.  Glad to see you are doing up another Rowan fic!!  Can't wait!!  Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed.


	13. Not Again!

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**CHAPTER 13 – Not Again!**

The voices came back again.  I heard them and I just knew they were real.  However, the more awake I became the more distant they sounded.  Finally, after the last vapors of my unconsciousness faded away, I woke up – and then the voices were gone.  

I lay there confused.  It was the second time in as many times that I had slept that I had heard voices just before waking.  What was with that anyway?  Maybe it was my subconscious and the voices of my past that still inhabited my memories.  I know that one of them sounded as if it were talking to me.  Thinking about the possibility that the voices were real gave me a bout of melancholy.   It only made it harder to get out of bed.  

I shook my head to rid myself of the depressing feeling that still clung to me.  I didn't want to let the black mood take root.  I was afraid if I did, I would never be able to accept my situation.  As much as I wanted to change it, the fact that I couldn't made it all seem pointless to me. 

I then stretched my whole self to awaken my body.  However, the moment I did so, muscle spasms in both of my legs took hold of me.  I cried out in surprise, trying to reach down to rub the protesting muscles.  However, I was on my back.  In typical turtle dilemma, I found it nearly impossible to lift myself up.  I struggled as the muscles contorted, my face grimacing in agony as the pain intensified.  Finally, as I thrashed around I rolled out of bed unexpectedly and crashed with a thud onto the concrete floor.  My shell hit first and its resounding clang and my accompanying cries echoed throughout the room.  

Suddenly I could sense a scurry of activity outside my bedroom door.  In an instant, the door flung open and Father came racing in.

"Kira, are you all…" he called out in concern, but then he saw me sprawled on the floor wreathing in pain.

"It's – my – legs…" I managed to strain out between gasps, clawing at my protesting extremities. 

Before I could explain what the problem was, Father had me back up into my bed and was massaging the muscles to work out the cramps. After a moment or two, the tightness subsided and a sense of relief washed over me.  However, I felt completely spent, as if I had fought a battle with some evil entity.

"Is that better?" Father asked me as he continued to rub the offending legs.  

"Yeah, much…thanks!" I breathed out happily.  

I just lay there and tried to recover.  "That was awful.  I've had leg cramps before but not like that. Wow!" I exclaimed.

"It's probably because of our sparring in the sewers.  It was unusually cold last evening.  You're not used to working out in those temperatures." Father explained as he continued to work at my leg muscles.

"Not my fault." I replied too quickly.  I caught myself a bit late and shot a glance at my masseuse.  He didn't look at me but I could see a faint smile crease his face as he continued to work out the kinks in my legs.  I breathed a silent breath of relief and allowed his ministrations to continue uninterrupted.  

I just couldn't figure him out.  One minute I'm mouthing off at him and then being reward with doing one hundred pushups.  Yet with the next 'off' comment I make, he smiles!  Maybe I need to get leg cramps more often.   However, after what I just went through I realized it wouldn't have been a very good trade off.

"Well, I think it's fine, now." I told him.  I wanted Father to stop because I was beginning to feel uncomfortable with his care.  It seemed to conflict just a little with how I perceived him.

Father stopped and then offered me his hand, smiling, "Good!  Well, it's time to get up anyway.  Breakfast is about ready."

I hesitated, not certain if I wanted to find myself sitting a second time at a table where everyone else was eating but me!  Remembering the additional stash under my bed and Mike discovering me in the kitchen putting it all back in the pantry, I was sure some rebuttal would be at the ready.  

"Do I get to eat this time?" I asked him quietly.

"Depends." He said evenly.

"On what?" I asked with concern, my own eye ridge raised in suspicion.

"On whether or not you plan on going topside during the day again and then staying out all night without telling us where you are." He replied.  His look was stern but gentle.  "Or hoarding food behind our backs!"  He cocked a smile at me then, which I couldn't figure out at all.  Did he find it funny?  

"No way will I go topside; I wouldn't be able to find my way back even if I did.  That would be punishment enough!" I said and then chuckled. "As for the food, I can go without one meal, but I certainly won't try to do anything to encourage it!" 

Of course, I knew it was the other Kira who had done all of that, but I was slowly giving up the idea of ever convincing Father or the others of that fact.  I was for all practical purposes _Kira of the Sewers_ as far as the clan was concerned.

I then took his offer and allowed him to pull me up to a stand.  We walked out of my room together, he in the lead and with me following from behind him.

Out of reflex, I looked to my right towards the dojo as I left my room. I saw Raphael coming down the hallway from the direction of the training room with a towel lying across his shoulders.  His bandanna was off but then I saw him reach at his belt and retrieve something red.  It was his mask.  Slipping it on over his head Raph now looked like his old self.  He saw me and smirked but then ducked into one of the rooms just two down from mine.  It must have been his.

Raph's swagger of a gate had been confident and strong, hinting at his excellent physical condition.  I had seen a bit of moisture on him so it was easy to assume he had just finished taking a shower.  Maybe he had worked out earlier doing katas, which seemed to be what they all practiced. 

It certainly wasn't what I did, that was sure.

As I came into the living area, I saw that the television was turned on.  The broadcast was a news report and they were featuring a story concerning the weather.  As I passed by, I could hear the weatherman talk about the six inches of snow that was expected to fall plus the icy road conditions that came with it.  Winter!  No wonder the sewers were so cold last night.  It was a miracle that I didn't go any deeper into hypothermia.  

Following Father into the kitchen where the rest of the clan was – minus Raph – I was pleased to find that Mike had fixed a full-on breakfast!  Pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon, and even orange juice graced the table.  It all smelled so wonderful!  In an instant, I remembered my hunger.

However, I noticed that my plate had something a little different from what the rest of the table displayed.  Right on my plate for all to see was - a wrapped granola bar.  My heart stopped, or at least I hoped it would.  As I came around to where I was to sit – between Don and the now newly arriving Raphael – I gulped back my disappointment.  I realized that one more time I would reap the reward that belonged to someone else.  

The granola bar that sat mockingly on my plate was from the very box that I had held in my hands only a few hours earlier.  The very one that I saw akin to a seven course meal – until now.  Now, I wanted the eggs, the pancakes, and the bacon…oh, and the orange juice, too!  Reluctantly, however, I had to accept the fact that I wouldn't be partaking in such culinary delights.  

Sighing deeply to dispel any errant comments that were coming to mind, I politely sat down with the rest of the family.  I avoided all eye contact with those around the table.  I could sense their mocking expressions chiding me mercilessly and if I did dare to look at any of them, I was afraid I'd do something truly stupid…like sticking my tongue out!  

I was livid and not very happy for the moment.  I felt betrayed and completely at a loss as to what to do.  All that work earlier in the morning dragging the stash out to the kitchen and then putting it away.  It wasn't even my stash!    

Mike had been so shocked when he saw what I had returned to the pantry.  His words of 'talking about it in the morning' echoed in my memory.  I thought for sure he had forgiven me, especially after I helped to clean his wound when he returned from his patrol.

It was a nasty cut, made by a knife. It didn't need stitches, but it did take a couple of butterfly bandages to merge the broken skin together.  I noticed that throughout my attendance to his wound Mike never winced once.  I was sure it hurt like the dickens, but he only watched as I treated the injury.  I also noticed that he observed me with great interest.  It made me just a little uncomfortable to be honest.  That was when I asked him how he managed to get hurt.

"Ah, stupid ice.  I should have known better, too.  But basically I interrupted a drug deal, which went wrong in a hurry for them, you can be sure!" he replied cheerfully. "They had knives and one of 'em got lucky with me."  Mike sniggered at that as if it was a joke that anyone could get past his defenses.

It seemed that while out on his patrol, he had run across the exchange.  The thugs had dropped down into the sewers to do their business.  Mike interrupted them and thought that it would have been an easy dispatch.  It would have been, too, if not for that patch of ice.  

Normally ice didn't form in the sewer, he told me.  However at that point in they system the tunnels were closer to the surface and the air was chillier than normal.  

When Mike slipped one of the men managed to swipe him with a knife he had been wielding.  Of course, ninjitsu training kicked in about then and the perpetrators were quickly subdued.  Once he had them under control and unconscious, Mike then hauled them one by one up to the surface near a steam vent.  Lucky for them they chose to do their deal near a dry cleaner shop.  Mike then called the police.  He left the incriminating evidence in plain sight, allowing some of the illegal powder to remain on the person of each attacker.  It would further indict them with the authorities.  

He told me that because it was so cold last evening, he stuck around just before the squad cars arrived to make sure the men didn't go into hypothermia.  Even with the steam coming from the grating, they could have suffered and Mike didn't want that.  

It sort of revealed the truth of how the clan operated and their self-assigned job of protecting the city.  They cared, even about those that would delve into the depravity of human suffering and addiction.  I had to admit that I admired him right about then.  

Well, I was now riveted back to the present.  I watched hungrily as the food was dished onto each plate.   True to my experience with dinner the night before, I was not allowed to have any of it. My own frustration was at a boiling point as I watched everyone dig in. However, I kept a lid on any verbal explosions.  I did think a volley of carefully chosen words, though.  Had they been spoken they would have echoed throughout the lair.  In the next moment, I noticed an increase in everyone's attention.  It was as if they had heard or sensed each and every word I mentally screamed out.  I just sat there mortified.

I normally didn't go in for spouting much in the way of profanity.  Yet when push came to shove, I wasn't above mumbling a rude word or two.  However, I think what I thought up in that moment would have filled an entire page!

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Splinter look at me thoughtfully as he chewed his food.  Pondering what I would do next, his eyebrows raised up slightly. That piqued my curiosity about what the others were doing.  In no time, I pretty much surmised by their inattentive focus on their food - but their sideways or pointed glances at me - that by whatever measure they sensed things, they knew what I had just thought.  

Where was a hole when you needed one?

However, shoving back a need to run to my room, I just sat there and carefully opened the wrapping around my granola bar.  I looked at it and saw that it didn't appear to be too terribly old.  However, I had to admit that despite the fact the other food selection looked far more tantalizing, just having something other than water in my mouth was wonderful.  I chewed slowly, not wanting to appear famished and not wanting to race through my meal either.  I was going to drag out it out no matter what!

Per my previous experience I, again, had clean-up duty.  I was observed this time by Mike while I bagged or put into containers what leftovers there were.  

I decided to act as if it were normal for me to go without food – or a substantial amount of it, anyway – and cleaning up the dishes.  I felt that with Mike, I might even get in a bit of conversation.

"So, how's the arm?" I asked casually as I scraped the last of the eggs into a plastic container.  I covered it and put it immediately into the small refrigerator that was there. 

"Do'in awright." He drawled easily.  "Thanks for cleanin' it up this mornin'." He offered, smiling.

"Hmm hmm…" was all I could get out. 

What I was thinking was, for all the help I gave him one would think he'd show a bit of appreciation and let me have a few tidbits of the leftovers.  Apparently, that wasn't in his game plan.

I went about storing the rest of the food.   I then did up the dishes, putting each one away and making sure that even the sink was cleaned out and sparkly; well, cleaned up anyway.  It was an old sink.  

I even took up the broom and swept the floor.  It was a chore that was always part of my ritual back home when I cleaned up after a meal.  It kept the grit from getting ground into the linoleum.  Even though the floor in the lair was concrete, my habit prevailed.  

When I was done, Mike said, "Nice job, Kira.  Now, I think Splinter wants to see you."  

"Not having our talk?" I asked as I put the broom back.  I looked at him expectantly.

"We already did!" he smirked and then waved me towards the kitchen door to hurry me along to Splinter's room.

It was obvious that with the clan words were not always necessary to make a point.  The granola bar spoke volumes about Mike's opinion regarding the raid on his pantry.  I had to admire his creativity but my nearly empty stomach protested its limitations.  

I could only hope that lunch would put me back on a regime of real food.

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_BUSLADY__: Well, Kira's only take on Leo has been over the last twenty or so hours.  Given the fact that the 'Kira' he is familiar with had caused nothing but trouble for the entire clan, maybe the way he's treating her is more conditional on his part than anything else.  I have a friend whose daughter was a dream to have around – until she turned 13.  It was like an auto sprinkler system for a bad attitude!  Just about threw my friend for a loop!  Anyhew, glad you liked the stash idea – but I'm afraid Kira/Alicia has a different take on it; for obvious reasons, of course!  Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed!_

_PRETENDER FANATIC__: Hey, I do my best to write that way!  LOL  Only kidding.  It's just coincidence.  Yeah, middle kids either can get ignored or be teased mercilessly.  I've my own theories, too.  It's my way of trying to understand people and to appreciate how they tick.  The more I understand them, the better I can tolerate their idiosyncrasies – and appreciate my own!  :0)  It's quite a task to do two fics at once.  Yes, Mike is about – oh – 32 in this story so he's learned to dispense with the jokes when a firmer hand is needed, especially where it concerns Kira!  Thanks for reading and reviewing.  Be blessed!_

_RAMICA__: Yes as indicated Leo knew about the extra stash.  That's why he told her to 'just go back to bed'.  Since Mike pretty much handled things in this fic, I doubt Leo will exact any more punishment from her.  At least for now, anyway!  (Evil grin)  Hmmm…as for his reasons, I think she proved herself by ridding her room of every box, bag, container, and bottle!  The fact that she had a simple granola bar for breakfast was the clan's way of rewarding her effort; though I'm sure it didn't look like it.  The next chapter might explain more – or I might just fast-forward a few days.  Haven't decided, yet.   Thanks for reading and reviewing.  Be blessed._

_MELIKA:__ Wow, I'm touched you feel that way about my story!  It's hard not to sympathize with K/A with all that she's had to put up with – and not deservingly, either!  Leo as her father, as I explained in my E-mail to you, was a sudden insertion.  There had to be some reason why he was in authority over her so I thought his being her father would work.  The end of this story will explain the weirdness!  :0)  I like Don with oomph!  LOL  I think he has always been underwritten as a character.  Therefore, since this is MY story, he gets more of a backbone.  In addition, he's in his early 30's so he's matured.  As for the multiple chapter updates, I was on a roll.  Doesn't always happen but I'm stoked when it does!  Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed!  _

_KUROI NEKO-KUN__: Yeah, who can't get along with Mikey!  However, he has more bite than most stories give him.  I prefer a well-rounded personality, myself.  Even the most docile tempered individual has limits.  Where it comes to how he is treated, Mikey's had his fill of being disrespected (think Raph and the way Raph would rail on him sometimes!).  So given Kira's the youngest and represents the brat she's thought to be, he's not going to let her rudeness slide on by.  Don still has some interesting moments yet to occur with Kira!  Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed._

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_A/N:  For the action fan, I'm hoping over the next chapter or two to put some more confrontations and possibly an opportunity for Kira to stretch her legs.  I didn't want establishing the foundation to the story to take so long, but it did.  For that, I apologize.  However, Kira has yet to become truly overwhelmed.  Try as she might to adjust to this life and to do damage control to her reputation, Kira will be tested almost to the breaking point.  Some dangers and other situations are in the works. I haven't a clue what, but I will make every attempt to appease the 'kick butt' addiction that most of you have!  Be blessed!  _


	14. Can You Hear Me Now?

**CHAPTER 14 – Can You Hear Me Now**?

Splinter was sitting on a rather large pillow, square in shape and a little on the tattered side with its faded red color.  It afforded him the cushion and the insulation from the cool hardness of the concrete floor.  He smiled as I came into the room.  However, I grimaced at the same perfumed incense that clouded the interior.  

"Come, Kira Siew, please sit before me!" he beckoned gently.

Fortunately, where he had pointed with one of his bony fingers was a small thick floor rug.  I quickly ducked down and out of the smoky vapor to sit obediently in front of him.  I waited, enduring his gaze as he took me in.  My stomach growled a few times during the brief vigil, but I did my best not to react to it.

As if reading my thoughts, "Lunch is not too far a way, my child.  You will eat soon enough." Splinter smiled pleasantly but then said to me in a cautionary tone, "Though I would suggest the next time you feel such anger at the table you try hard to control it!"  His expression now was sterner.  

I cringed, involuntarily pulling my head down a little to avoid his gaze.  However, Splinter leaned forward and with one long finger under my chin pulled my head up so that I would be eye-to-eye with him.  He smiled a little and then said softly, "Those who sat with you were very sensitive to what you were feeling.  Though your words may not have been heard, their intent was felt by everyone." He paused and then added, "Including me!"

Splinter released my chin and stroked the side of my face gently before asking me, "What have you learned from your discipline, Kira Siew?"

I thought about what he asked.  It was obvious that the rat was knowledgeable with everything that was going on with me.  To be honest it made me very uncomfortable.  Where I thought I had a sanctuary was now proving itself to be just a weigh station where my experiences and actions were evaluated.  Considering Splinter's place in the clan, I figured his opinion of me might carry some weight with Father.  I realized that here with Splinter I may have an ally – or, worse, a passive antagonist!

However, the question the rat asked me was an open-ended one.  Several disciplines came to mind. The one hundred pushups; having just a granola bar for breakfast while everyone else had a more filling meal, not to mention the sparring in the chilled tunnels last evening.  The painful leg cramps that morning had worsened that punishment considerably. 

"Kira Siew, I have asked you a question.  Do you not know the answer?" Splinter asked, his voice rising just a little.

"I am trying to think of one, Sir." I replied simply.

As if correcting me, "You will address me as Master Splinter, my child." His tone of voice told me that nothing less would suffice.

"Yes….ah…._Master_ Splinter." I repeated sheepishly.  I thought again of his question and realized that I just didn't have an answer. "I'm sorry but I am somewhat overwhelmed with your question." 

Splinter raised his muzzle and looked down at me, puzzled, "How can a simple question overwhelm you, Kira Siew?"

I furrowed my eye ridge and then said, "The question is not the problem, Master Splinter."  

His eyebrows raised just a little as he asked, "Then what is the problem, Kira Siew?"

I swallowed.  I wasn't sure how best to explain it.  Nevertheless, I answered him, a tremor in my voice, "It is the discipline you ask about.  It was anything but simple!"

Splinter grunted and then worked his whiskers a little.  Finally, he told me, "Maybe so, but keep in mind that discipline helps one to decide a better path than the one they are on.  Maybe you could tell me what path you find yourself on right now?"

That question had a simple answer and I didn't hesitate to share it with him, "Oh, I can answer that – surviving!"

To be honest I was just being cheeky; I was hungry and irritable – not a good combination to have and then be forced to recount my experiences of the past day.  However, Splinter did not take it the way I thought he would.  

He let out a chuckle that kept building on itself until it brought a smile to my face as well.  Splinter laughed deeply, his tail lashing playfully as he allowed himself to enjoy a moment of mirth.  His expressions were catching and if the memory of what I had to endure of late had not been so painful, I would have joined him.  

Then, once he had exhausted my novel reply, he exclaimed, "Maybe once you have accepted this new direction you will find _surviving _a little easier.  You have had two years of trying things your way and now it is time to accept responsibility for those choices."  He looked at me with a renewed sober expression.  "In surviving you will need to change many things in how you respond to those around you, Kira Siew.  I am not saying that it will be easy because it will not be.  Your father, Leonardo, expects much from you as I once expected from him.  Unfortunately your mother's untimely death turned his focus away from this." The rat sighed deeply, adding, "Because of that he is trying to make up for lost time.  Be patient with him, Kira Siew, and let him guide you.  I trust that things will go better for you if you do!"

I weighed his words in my heart and wondered if what he said was true.  Though I did not know what this Kira was like before Mei Pei died, maybe because of Father's grief for her passing he was unable to focus on controlling or training his daughter.  That was a possibility.  However, in his attempt to make up for lost time, I seem to be the one paying the price.  I did not envy me one bit, not at all, in fact. 

Splinter talked some more about a great many things.  He was delighted that Donatello had willing adopted the task of becoming my sensei.  When the rat went into describing the different katas and gave me insight to Don's own skill with it, I was able to determine that 'sensei' meant teacher, or something like that.  Splinter was confident that whatever I had forgotten with regards to doing my kata's that Donatello would efficiently provide the means for me to remember.  Frankly, it filled my head with all kinds of worries as to how he would go about doing that, too. 

We meditated during the last part of our hour together.  Again, I was surprised with how refreshed I felt afterwards.  When I was leaving, I was 'reminded' again about addressing him as Master Splinter – as opposed to 'sir' – and instructed to bow before him as a sign of respect.  At the same time, he admonished me just a little about not doing so when I first came into his presence.  Considering how kind he had been towards me – his mild corrections notwithstanding – it was a pleasure to do.  I bowed low before him, catching just a faint smile to his face as I turned to leave.  Yes, I think if I remembered to address him properly and bow respectfully, Splinter very well might become the 'friend' that I needed in this very strange and troublesome world.  

Walking down the hallway towards the living area, I thought a lot of what Splinter had told me.  I had to agree with him that my reaction towards the others played a significant roll in how they responded back to me.  However, I felt like I was bailing out the Titanic with a teaspoon.  The lair already saw me as someone that needed constant correction. It was an uphill battle all the way around. 

Entering the living area, I saw Raphael sitting on the couch.  He had the remote in his hand and was flipping through the channels one station at a time.  He seemed mesmerized by the changing picture on the tube; his eyes fixed on the screen.  Entering the room I had to chuckle to myself at how silly he looked.  However, I was thirsty and headed for the kitchen to get myself a glass of water.  

I had no sooner hit the threshold of the kitchen door when I heard Raph's booming voice, "Whatcha goin' in there for, Kira?"  It was not an idle question.  

"I'm thirsty.  Is it all right if I grab a glass of water?" I asked as respectfully as I could.  Sheesh, I couldn't even quench my thirst around here without permission!  It kind of irritated me.

"That depends," and then the next thing I knew he was up and heading my way.  "What else were you going in there for?"

"Air!" I teased half-heartedly.  I was really kidding, too, but – ah – Raphael didn't quite see the humor in it. 

The next thing I knew Raph was upon me had grabbed both sides of my shoulders.  In an instant, he lifted me up off the floor.  Raph wasn't that much taller but the effect of his hoisting me up, forcing my feet to dangle in midair, served its purpose.  We were now eye-to-eye.  His seemed just a tad annoyed looking, too.

"I was kidding." I pleaded desperately.  "I - I'm getting water and that's it!"

He looked hard and intently into my eyes, scowling and not at all pleased with my brand of humor, "Don't _ever_ tempt me, Kira.  You did it once, but you will never do it again – got it?"  

"Hmm…n - no problem." I stammered nervously.

"I asked if you '_got it_'!" Raph reiterated as he narrowed his eyes threateningly.

Wide eyed and completely intimidated, I managed to squeak out, "Yeah ... got it."  

Then he dropped me and motioned for me to get what I had come for.  I turned and quickly went to the cupboard that housed the drinking glasses.  Once I had a cup I wasted no time in filling it up and downing the water quickly.  Washing the cup out I returned it to its cabinet and then made for the exit, all the while Raph watched and observed every move I made.

I tried to get around him but he blatantly blocked the doorway.  I just stood there, nearly trembling and not sure what to do.  I looked up at Raph and saw a smirk that, had I been capable of, I would have swiped off his face.  However, there wasn't anyway I would even venture to do that much less think about it.  Considering how well Splinter said the family could sense me, I frantically pushed back any notion of such silliness.  The last thing I wanted right then and there was for Raphael to 'read' the intentions I wished I had been capable of doing.  To be honest, I felt Father would have had to pry me off the linoleum after Raph was through with me.

Finally out of desperation, I asked him, "May I pass, please?"  

He made me wait there for a good minute while he debated, his eyes never leaving mine.  Finally, he said to me, "So long as you remember your place in this lair – and keep away from my sais – you can!"   Raphael then stepped aside and with a wave of his arm, allowed me to go by him.  I muttered a weak 'thank you' and scurried on in through the living room and down the hallway.  

By the time I reached my bedroom I was almost in tears.  I barely caught the figure of Donatello coming out of his room as I slipped inside my own.  Closing the door, I fell into my bed and balled my eyes out.  I shook from head to toe; I'd never seen such a look on any of their faces before like the one Raph had given me.  The only thing I was grateful about was that for the most part, other than at mealtime, I wouldn't have to deal with him.

About thirty minutes went by and then I heard a rap on the outside of my door.  It was Father.  "Kira, may I come in?" he asked.

Odd that he would ask to come in.  Previous visits to my room he would just knock and then open the door.  However, I wasn't complaining.  I had been crying nearly the entire time I had been in my room and I really didn't want him to see me right yet.  I grabbed some tissue from a box on the floor and quickly dried my eyes.  The redness I couldn't do much about, so I ignored it.

Finally, I told Father he could come in.

He noticed right away that I had been weeping.  He hesitated for a moment, studying me as if to size up the situation.  Then, he announced, "You're expected in the dojo in ten minutes."  He paused as I looked back at him, trying to control my sporadic shudders that betrayed my composure.  "Maybe you ought to – ah – clean up a bit in the bathroom before heading over there."  He then left the room.

_"Clean up a bit?  Why?  What's wrong with a crying ninja anyway?   Are they afraid of tears? Do tears make them feel weak? Scaredy-cats!"_ I mumbled silently all the way to the bathroom.  I washed my face and then looked hard at my self in the mirror.  Green was starting to look a little more familiar, but it was still kind of a shock to me.  It had barely been twenty-four hours since my transformation.  Good grief it seemed like weeks to me. 

As I came out of the bathroom, I saw Donatello heading for the living area.  I thought it odd since I knew Father mentioned for me to be in the dojo.  Maybe Don had to get something before working with me.

Well, I decided that at the very least I would beat him to the punch.  Hurrying into the dojo I mentally reviewed what Donatello had taught me last evening.  I had my back to the entrance of the room while I tried to remember the various moves and positions he had shown me.  I did my best to recall them and I knew I had forgotten a few steps.  Yet I thought I had done rather well, all things considered.  

Suddenly an all too familiar voice startled me around, nearly causing my heart to jump right out of my chest.

"Humph, you call that a bassai-sho?  I know Leo taught you better'n that, Kira!" Raph sneered.   

He walked towards me and then began his own rendition of the kata, only his form and fluidity made my lame attempt pale in comparison.  He had each part nailed to perfection and it was obvious to me that it came from years of practice.  

While he worked, out of reflex I backed up to give him room – and to avoid being so close to him.  I was terrified that Raphael was in the same room with me.  After our confrontation earlier in the kitchen, I wanted nothing more to do with him.  He scared me to death. 

I looked desperately towards the doorway, hoping that Donatello would stride through any moment.  However, as the seconds ticked away into minutes and as I watched Raph go into yet another type of kata, a slow horrifying realization crept into my consciousness.  

Donatello was not going be my sensei that morning.  

Raphael was!  

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_PRETENDER FANATIC__: Ah, gee, I'm glad I could do that for you!  I know that reading Fanfiction was my boost to do my own and it still is!  Yeah, the voices sound weird, but it'll all make sense – sort of – with the last two chapters.  Leg cramps I know all too well! Sometimes I get all-body cramps where every muscle seems to be twisting and pulling at me. Not a happy place to be!  :0(  I wasn't too sure if working out like she did so late and where it was so cold and then not soaking in a hot tub, being overtired, stressed, etc…would cause muscle spasms. However, I went for it just the same!  Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed._

_RAMICA__: Voices?__  What voices?  I don't hear any voices?  Do you hear voices?  Hmm…Kira certainly does.  Yeah, granola bars are nice snacks, but measured up against a full-blown breakfast like what Mike had cooked up, I don't know.  I think I would have ranted a bit.  However, I know how Leo would have responded.  Not too well!  As far as waiting and for how long, it will determine how creative and how fast I can type!  LOL  Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed._

_DANCINGFAE__:  I decided on the fly to give her only a granola bar to eat.  I was originally going to reinstate her but then the stash under the bed plus Mike's reaction ( I keep forgetting that I'm the one writing this and not the characters dictating…tough to separate the two at times! ), I figure a creative way to punish her was in order.  Yet, they didn't want her to go without something to eat since she did willingly own up to it and took it upon herself to put all the food back into the kitchen.  I am always amused how these stories write out.  Never storyboarded and they probably should be, all things considered.  Ah, but then there wouldn't be a surprise for me then, would there?  LOL  Actually, the TMNT's can't read minds.  The best they can do is 'sense' the intent behind what is being thought; basically, they have an emotionally Geiger-counter, if you will.  The stronger the emotion the better they can 'tell' what she's thinking.  Words are irrelevant in this case!  Yeah, as far as 'sensing' her turmoil, the 'other' Kira's history will become more apparent as the story develops. I just hope I don't forget to do that.  I'm listing all of my ideas on a separate 'chapter' just so I don't do that!  Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed._

_BUSLADY OFSOCAL__:  Hee hee!! Yep, I'm sure not!  I'm sure Kira will gag on the next one, you can bet on it!  I hope chapter 15 will flesh out your Raphy a little more. I'd like to get all of them tricked out to their full wonderful selves.  I take it one chapter at a time, though.  Thanks for reading and reviewing and for putting up with my IM0-ing!  Oh, and if anyone wants to IM me my AIM name is muggee52 – I think, anyway.  Hmmm…_


	15. Choosing Katas for Raspberries

DISCLAIMER – Guess it's time for one, eh?  _*Clears throat*_ - I do not own the TMNT's.  I do own Kira and the story below.  _*Checks story to make sure*  Yep_, that's about it.  Enjoy!  Oh and I dedicate this to all the Raphy fans!  Hope I did him justice.  I'm also hoping of doing a bit more with his character in subsequent chapters.  Also, the Japanese phrasing that I have in this chapter has been changed from the original update.  I credit Kuroi Neko-kun for the corrections.  I tried to find an English to Japanese word and phrase translation site.  However, the only one I found offered words grouped into categories, without any reference in how to say things respectfully – as to an elder or teacher. Thanks, Kuroi Neko-kun!!  

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**CHAPTER 15 – Raspberries or Katas?******

Raphael finished up his series of katas and then took a breather.  He looked over at me with smirk, as if I should be impressed.  Personally, I could care less about how well he did them.  Yes, he did do them well but I didn't like him one bit, so it didn't matter.  However, he suddenly scowled at me for no apparent reason.  I didn't know what to make of that so I ignored it and continued with my plan to get out of the dojo.  

I was currently slowly edging my way over in the direction of the door.  I had already made good ground towards it during Raph's last set of katas.  However, I was not as close as I wanted to be.  My goal was to go and find Don.  I needed his assurance that he would continue to be my sensei.  The horrifying thought that Raphael was going to be sensei filled me with dread.  After what happened in the kitchen there wasn't any chance I could do katas with him overseeing my progress.  Especially after the snippy comment he made earlier about my attempt to do the one Don had taught me.  I knew that despite my insistence, Raph would never believe me about not remembering how to do them.  Unlike Don taking the benefit of the doubt, I was certain Raph would drag me kicking and screaming to wherever he wanted me to be!  

I also knew that if I asked him about needing to talk with Don, Raph would refuse me.  That was why I was taking the opportunity to find out myself – whether he liked it or not.

Just as I thought I was close enough to the door, I noticed Raphael smirk again.  He was about twenty-five feet away from me while I was only about three from the doorway.  

"What'cha doin', Kira?" He asked me sarcastically, tilting his head to one side and sniggering.  

I stopped simply out of intimidation.  I wasn't sure what he was going to do.  However, in that moment I kind of felt he knew what I was up to.  By his posturing and facial expressions, he seemed to be working on a plan.  Something about his stance told me that he could easily bridge the gap between us before I would even make the threshold of the door.  I decided to stand there for a moment.  He relaxed a little, or so it seemed.  I did the same.  However, I heard Don in the hallway where he seemed to be talking to someone.  Just knowing he was close by bolstered my resolve to see him and in that instant I had made up my mind.

Quicker than I thought I could I shot into the hallway.  However, as I did that I felt the rush of air as Raph jumped the distance between us.  Had I not twisted around and down, flinging myself headlong into the corridor, Raph would have grabbed the top of my carapace.  Had he done so, more than likely I would now be flying back into the room I had just vacated.  

However, he had missed!  I was giddy with elation at my minor success, but it did not last for long.  

In my mad rush to make the hallway I had not looked where I was going.  Surprised by my sudden entrance, Splinter stood wide-eyed in the corridor as I came hurtling towards him. My eyes were equally as wide.  I thought for sure that we would collide.  I knew if that happened my life, as I knew it – regardless if I wanted it or not – would soon be over.  

However, just as I thought for sure it was a done deal and as I flew by an opened door, I felt someone push me up and away from the rat.  The last movement forced me into the wall of the corridor opposite from where Splinter stood.  I had just missed him but with no effort of my own.  Whoever had intervened did so in the last moment before impact. 

While I still had my momentum, I slid unceremoniously at an angle to the floor, hitting it hard with a loud thud.  I then found myself sliding on my carapace past the startled rat and coming to rest at a pair of green feet – Donatello's.  

A scowl met me as I looked up at him.  My sensei looked down at me with surprise and with just a bit of irritation.

"Kira, what in blazes are you doing?" he asked me, his right hand grasping a mug of what I assumed was coffee.

"Um…looking for you." I replied uneasily.  I cringed as I glanced over at Splinter and saw a similar look on his face as well.  Furthering my view of the hallway, I looked back from the direction I had come from and saw Raphael advancing into the corridor.  He was standing in the dojo entryway with an equally unhappy expression on his face.  However, I was wondering who it was who had averted certain disaster by throwing me against the wall? 

It was then that Father came out of the open doorway near where Splinter stood.  I suppose one could easily say that Father was not at all pleased with me.  In fact, one could say he was royally pissed off – with a capital 'P'.  Considering what almost happened, I couldn't really blame him.  Yet for the moment, I was more worried about the shell on my back.  

"KIRA!  What were you DOING?" Father yelled.  Yet then, as if he had almost forgotten his manners, Father bowed low to Splinter who seemed rather startled at the outburst.  "Sumimasen, Sensei, sumimasen!" he expressed hurriedly.  I detected an edge of embarrassment to his voice as he said this, too.  For a moment, I honestly found it quite interesting.

In reply, Splinter nodded likewise but not as deep, saying, "Daijoubu."  Then he disappeared into his bedroom, leaving me with the three angry turtles.  

I just lay there on the cold concrete floor, staring up at Donatello, Father, and now Raphael as he came 'waltzing' into the hallway to observe the brewing confrontation. 

"Answer me, Kira.  What were you doing?" Father reiterated his question, albeit with more control of his voice this time.  He was quite upset based on the stern expression he gave me.

"Um…I – ah – was looking for – ah – Donatello?" I answered meekly.  

"Seems you've found me." Donatello said flatly, as he stared down at me. "What is it you want?" He then asked.

I looked quickly over at Raph who was now leaning against a wall in the corridor.  With his arms folded across his plastron, he watched the scene play out before him.  A cocky, arrogant smile spread along his face.  I shoved back what I thought of that smile, too.  Considering my close proximity to the 'emotion detectors' that were looming over me, what I was thinking or feeling for that matter was not for their 'sensors'.  I was in deep enough as it was.

Donatello restated his question, "What do you want, Kira?"

Finally finding my voice, I answered him, "Ah, aren't you working with me this morning?" I held my breath, hoping that I had completely overreacted with Raph in the dojo.  I saw Don look up at Father and then over at my antagonist.  I could swear they were discussing this among themselves but for the life of me I didn't see or hear anything.  It was as if they were 'reading' each other.  I was obviously out of the loop.

Donatello then looked back down at me and replied, "No.  Raph will be doing the honors this morning.  Tomorrow morning it may be Mike….or Raph again. I'm responsible only for the evening katas.  Or whatever I deem necessary."  Then he left, heading for his bedroom.

I was dead.  In an instant, I didn't care about anything.  I just wanted to die.  Just bury me, leave a marker or not, but I lost all interest in life as I once knew it.  

Before I could react, though, Father had hoisted me up and was handing me over to Raphael.  I resisted as I saw him reach out to me. I grabbed onto Father and did a rather healthy howl of protest.  

"NO!  I hate him…don't you DARE do this to me! NO!" I screamed.  

"Kira, you're acting ridiculous!" Father corrected, "Knock it off!"  

I refused to cooperate and thrashed wildly.  However, I wasn't any match for the strength that Father put upon me.  Before I knew it, between him and Raph they managed to get me back into the dojo.  With Raph holding onto me and despite my struggle against him, Father left the room and closed the door.  That was when Raph let me go.  

I raced for the door and tried to open it.  However, I found it locked!  

Trapped in the dojo with a crazy turtle, I was now with the one who earlier made a point to get into my face.  The one who warned me about touching his weapons.   Gone was my amusement from the day before about painting his sais pink.  I no longer found it funny. 

I hugged the door, afraid to turn around.   What was he going to do with me?  Would he toss me around the room?  What about the katas?  I didn't know them and I just knew he wouldn't walk me through them.  If my hell could have become any worse, it just did.  

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I lost track of time with my mind on only one task.  Avoid eye contact with Raphael at all costs!.  Oh, I could hear him pretty much, but I refused to look at him.  He had scared the life out of me so badly after breakfast that the mere thought of making eye contact with him, now, petrified me.

"Kira, I'm not going to ask you again.  Come over here and let's start your routine."  He growled.  It was not the first time he had asked me this, either.

Raph had been beseeching me to obey him for quite a while now, but I refused to respond.  I was mildly surprised that he hadn't become more forceful before now, in fact.  I was sitting on the carpeted floor, leaning as far into the door as I could get.  I had my head ducked down into my shell and my back turned towards him.  Actually, I found this novelty of my anatomy quite comforting.  To be able to duck into one's body was like having a personal sanctuary.  I was rather content to stay there, too. 

Unfortunately, Raphael had other plans. 

Unexpectedly I felt him pick me up.  I immediately popped my head out of my shell, thrashing around and trying to run – but my feet were dangling again as he literally carried me away from the door.

"You're acting like a baby, Kira.  I'm not going to hurt you!" he seethed.  

  
"Like hell… let me go!" I hollered, squirming violently against his embrace.

"Clean your mouth up.  If your father catches you talking like that…." Raph corrected me.  His grip tightened even more on me.

"He doesn't seem to be here at the moment, now, does he?" I barked sarcastically as I continued to thrash.  

I then kicked out violently and hard, connecting with 'something'.  Horror to horrors, it was Raphael.  Moreover, the look on his face told me that I had landed him a good one.

"That's it!" he bellowed, "You've had it!"

The next thing I knew I was flying across the dojo!

Screaming, I landed on my posterior, skidding a few feet and creating quite a rug burn along one of my legs, the carpeting aiding the injury.  After I stopped sliding, I grabbed my offending leg and grimaced from the pain. 

"Good night, what did you do to me?" I complained.  "Owe! Owe….it hurts…stupid…." I seethed. However, I quickly dispelled that expletive before it escaped.  

"You shouldn't have kicked me, Kira!" he hollered at me.

"You … I wasn't trying to kick you!" I yelled back at him.

"NO?  Then explain what jus' happened before I tossed ya?" Raph demanded as he began to walk towards me.

"You were in the way; that's what happened!" I cringed as he now loomed over me, but the pain in my leg hurt too badly to care. 

The next thing he did surprised the heck out of me.  He stooped down and, brushing my hand away, looked at the abrasion.  He grabbed my leg and turned it so he could see the affected area.

"Sheesh, it's nothin'.  Just a little raspberry on yer leg!  The skin isn't even broken!" Raph looked at me and chided, "Nothin' but a big baby, that's what ya are!" Then, he grabbed my hand and pulled me up to a stand.

"Now, let's start those katas, okay?" he commanded as he attempted to take me to the middle of the room.

"No, not with you.  Only with Donatello." I rebelled, pulling back fiercely.

Using both of his hands, he maintained his hold of me, "Sorry, no can do.  It's me and only me, sweetheart.  So, we'll start on that bassai-sho you were attempting to do when I first came into the dojo!"  Raph said as he resumed pulling me into the middle of the room. 

Jerking my hand out of his, I told him, "I said, 'no'!  Forget it; it's not gonna happen!" I was getting pretty peeved right about then and I think my sensei 'sensed' it.  

However, what happened next pretty much set the stage for the remainder of my time in the dojo for the morning.  Raph grabbed me by the back of my carapace and quickly forced me up against the closest wall.  I hit it with a resonating thud.  He came snout to snout with me, his eyes blazing and his mouth working, "You will do exactly what I say, when I say, and how I say it." He seethed low and threateningly.  "If you chose not to cooperate, then we'll do a little 'tossing' and 'throwing' to teach you what a real rug burn is all about!" He maintained his expression and tone of voice. "By the time I'm done with you, that green skin of yours will be nuttin' but one big red raspberry.  So, those are your choices." Raph glared and waited for a moment.  

I could only stare in shock and trepidation.  He was serious; no doubt about it.

Then he asked me, "What's it gonna be, Kira?"

What's it gonna be, he asked me?  Well going back to that encounter in the kitchen, what I was feeling right about then pretty much mirrored what I felt only a little while ago.  His over-the-top confrontation had me properly chastised.  I realized in that moment that I didn't have much of a choice.  Of the two Raph had given me, the least painful was putting up with his being my sensei.  

I soon found myself following his directions in short order.  He worked with me for a good three hours, allowing me bathroom and water breaks once he was sure I wouldn't bolt.  Of course, he convinced me that if I did, the other choice he had offered me would be my reward.  It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out the foolishness of trying his patience.  Reluctantly I complied with his threat.

There were moments when I didn't have a clue what Raph was asking of me.  Yet he was insistent that I do what he wanted from me.  However, even after tossing me in frustration – and earning yet another red mark on my leg – I still maintained my ignorance.  Once he was convinced I was sincere, he took me step by step through whatever kata we were working on.  All in all, I ended up learning about three sets with the bassai-sho becoming somewhat polished by the end of my session with him.

When Raphael dismissed me, he told me to bow before him and then said that I had to greet him in the same fashion the next time.  It was not something I enjoyed doing since I still did not respect him that much.  With Splinter, it was easy; he had touched my heart in a way that Raphael didn't.  I did respect the fact that Raph could trash me on a moments notice, though, so for that I gave him the perfunctory bow.  

Now safely ensconced in my bedroom, I breathed a sigh of relief.  I had survived my encounter with my worst enemy.  However, as I reflected upon the past three hours I noted that I still did not like Raphael.  Yet, at least I wasn't nearly as deathly afraid of him as I had been before.  

I was just a little bit afraid of him and that was enough - believe me!  

Soon, I heard Father call me to lunch.  I also heard my stomach growl but my head telling me to expect another granola bar.  Considering the problems I had caused that morning with my initial reaction to Raph as my sensei, I highly doubted that I would be getting much in the way of a meal.  I resigned my self to a monk's diet for the remainder of my life because I was certain that trouble seemed to shadow me regardless of how fast I tried to out-run it.  

Trouble just seemed to be faster.

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DANCINGFAE: 

Yep, that's Kira's opinion, too!  However, I think Raph redeemed his true intent with this chapter.  In his own way, he is trying to assist Leo in training Kira for whatever roll she will play in the clan. Since Leo pretty much neglected to train her to fight, Raph has to 'toughen' her up lest she become more of a burden in the field and therefore a danger to the clan in general.   Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed.

KUROI NEKO-KUN: 

Raph's an attitude in a half-shell, that's a sure bet!  However, so is Kira, though she is trying to cooperate.  Yet I think all of us can relate to the 'fight or flight' tendency that she exhibited in this chapter.  Her need to get to Donnie – her safe haven in the dojo – was intense.  As for your story, it was a delight to read!  Keep updating and don't worry about how people respond!  We're all here to improve what we love to do – write and explore the world of the TMNT's!  Thanks for the encouragement, too! :0)  Thanks for reading and reviewing.  Be blessed.

PRETENDER FANATIC

Yeah, I had fun creating trepidation and fear in Kira re: Raph.  He can be so intense and I think initially he can overwhelm anyone, especially where Kira didn't have a clue how far to push him.  The 'pink sais' are a sore point with Raphael, for obvious reasons.  What better way to create angst in the dojo than to give her a tidy tidbit of Raph's nature, eh?  Yeah, and then some!  Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed.

BUSLADY OF SOCAL

Oh, the things Kira did to the entire clan, for that matter.  Each turtle has their own way in dealing with her.  However, Raphers is more up front and personal, I think. Kira has learned a great deal of what NOT to do with regards to our red masked turtle hero!  I hope that she will be on the upswing now that she has at least three katas under her belt and she's not as 'deathly' afraid of him as before.  What will Donnie do to her in the evening?  Hmmm…what will Splinter say to her before she goes to bed?  Can we say his tail will not be lashing about playfully?  Never irk the rat!   Thanks for reading and reviewing.  Be blessed.

GUMMADOON FANATIC

Hey, don't sweat it.  You're reading so I'm fine with that.  It is good to hear from you again, though!  :0) Yeah, they do get kind of tough with her, but they have a whole history of rebellion, which evidently – based on what Splinter said – only lasted for 2 years.  They should all count themselves lucky, me thinks!  Once Kira gets a foot hold and can improve in certain areas – like katas – things might be on the upswing.  We can only hope, though!  Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed.

MELIKA 

Oh, Raph, Raph, Raph – what ARE we gonna do with that temper!  Put it to good use getting Kira to cooperate is what!  He has to be that way because she would just ignore him.  She doesn't like him so that would be her excuse.  Try as she might to get along and despite her commitment to this task, the overall experiences keep eating away at her resolve making her dissolve into an emotional heap. I wanted Splinter to be her sanctuary – but with bite.  He's not going to baby her, either, but he's wise enough to know that she needs some inner peace, too.   However, things are looking up with Chapter 15, once she had her act together, that is.  Maybe she can get something besides granola bars and 'eggshells' for lunch this time around?  Hmm…no promises.  Thanks for reading and reviewing.  Be blessed.

LADY VENOM2

I try to update as much as possible when the muses are working!  I was on a roll that is now sort of winding down, so I'm trying not to push too hard.  This Chapter 15 was the hardest one to get out, for some reason.  Usually when there are confrontations like the one between Raph and Kira, I can whip it out in no time flat.  However, my attention is being diverted to one sick kitty and an elderly dog that we may have to put down.  Anyhew…about your review, I like taking the TMNT's out of the cartoon world and putting them in real situations.  What would they really be like if this or that happened?  I find it daunting to write more than one turtle in a chapter, though, and I know I need to overcome this.  I love stories where the characters of all four are featured and it just reads like a soap opera!  :0)  Thanks for noticing, by the way!  Thanks, too, for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed.  In addition, I can't wait for the next Rowan story, either!

RAMICA

Actually what Kira needed was a sensei like Raph.  He forces her to pay attention – or else – and she, therefore, becomes a better student for Donnie, or whomever is drafted into the job.  I know that in some fics, there is only one sensei.  However, since Kira has affected all four – or five, if you include Splinter – in such a negative way, it becomes a collective effort!  Eventually in the end, only one turtle will end up becoming her sole sensei.  I may actually have a readers vote on who it should be, too!  Just a thought.  Yes, the 'real' Kira was a handful to manage, that goes without saying.  Will Kira/Alicia be able to put up with everything that her father and the rest of the clan dish out to her?  Only time will tell. Thank goodness she has Splinter on her side – or, does she?  After nearly slamming into him, that fact has not been settled, yet.  Hmmm…..  Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed.


	16. Food for Thought 2

_Disclaimer – Once again, I claim nothing in the way of ownership regarding mutant bi-pedal turtles, especially those wearing martial arts weapons and the like.  That goes for mutant rats, as well.  _

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**CHAPTER 16 – Food for Thought**

Quite honestly, I had several reasons why I was afraid to go out to the table for lunch.  The first one was what if they served me – again – with a granola bar?  Well, it certainly wouldn't have been anything different. With the near miss of slamming into Splinter earlier, I was sure Father or someone was going to want me punished.  It wasn't as if I had tried to barrel into him, but I guess if blame had to be placed, it would be on my abject fear of the one turtle in red.  The fact that not a single member of the clan had the decency to tell me that Raph would be my sensei had me peeved.  Not that it would have helped had I been told, but at least I wouldn't have tried to escape as desperately as I had.  

Then again, maybe it wouldn't have mattered.

My other fear was because I was so hungry.  Since I had not eaten very much since my arrival, I was afraid that once given a substantial meal, I would embarrass myself by gorging.  I had seen television programming where starving people were given food.  They would shove fistfuls of rice or bread or whatever they were given into their mouths until pieces of their meal would erupt in small explosions from between their lips.  I always felt for them, but in some small corner of my mind, I thought it was quite comical.  Not their situation, of course, but the human element of how we set aside our 'good manners' when push came to shove.  It seemed to me that the basics always prevailed.

Anyway, I heard Father call me a second time.  I ignored him.  I just didn't want to come out to be humiliated once again.  It just wasn't going to happen.  After my time in the dojo with Raph, I felt safe and free from ridicule in my room.  I was content and I wanted to languish in the feeling for a while.  

However, when I failed to show up at the table, I soon heard Michelangelo.  

"Hey, Kira – food's waiting for ya!" Mike exclaimed through my closed door.

"Yeah?  Sure, Mike – so how many granola bars am I getting this time.  One at breakfast just didn't fill me up for some reason." I said sarcastically.  

There was a pause and then Mike, puzzled, "You want a granola bar for lunch?"

What is he, some kind of comedian?  "No, Mike, I don't…but I figure that's what I'm going to get considering what happened today." I huffed, "I'm sort of figuring it out; you know what I mean?" 

He knocked at my door, asking, "Mind if I come in, then?"

"Sure, why not." I pouted.  I was laying on my bed staring up at the ceiling, listening to my stomach grumble.  I had noted that it made at least three different sounds; from a groan with a high pitched squeal to a moderately low rumble.  There was one tone in-between that I couldn't quite place but it did entertain me.  I thought it all very sad, to be honest. 

Mike then came in and grinned when he saw me. "Hey, waz up?" he asked.

"Just about everything, Mike – except us.  The sky is up, the clouds are up.  Heck, even the grass is up!" I lamented.  

Funny, I hadn't even been thinking about topside very much.  For someone like me who had previously lived all of their short life where the air was fresh and they could see the sky on a moments notice, one would think I'd be getting stir crazy.  The thought of my being down here in the sewers of New York City for a whole day without yearning to see some blue seemed odd.  Maybe I was starting to get used to things.

"Say, you want to go topside tonight?" he asked me.

"Topside?  You mean, out side where humans are?" I asked, raising myself up a little on one elbow. 

"Sure.  Might do ya good, too!" He said cheerfully.

I thought about that and then asked him, "And….what else are we gonna do?"

"Nothin' much, maybe scout fer Foot, see what they're up to…whatever comes our way!" he replied with a smile.

I narrowed my eyes at him and wondered what '_whatever comes our way' _really meant.

"Well, anyway, lunch is served.  If you want to eat then you'll be there I guess!"  He commented and then left the room.

I let myself fall back down onto the bed.  Lunch and going topside…both big promises with potential for big disappointments.   However, what'd I have to lose?  If I get a granola bar or nothing, at least I'd be expecting it.  If I breathed fresh air, it'd be more than I was getting currently.  Therefore, I eased up off my bed to make for the door.  That was when it opened all by itself – revealing a rather irritated Raphael!

"Hey, get yer butt in the kitchen.  We ain't' ask'n you again…lunch is ready!" He growled.

"Oh, really?  Can't wait to humil…." However, I held the rest of that thought when I saw the glare in Raph's eyes.  Yeah, he'd love it for me to just mouth off at him.  Personally, I wanted to get it over with as soon as possible.  "Fine, I'm coming!" I said.  

Raph waited until I started for the door, then he turned and headed back up the hallway and out into the living area. I followed about eight paces behind, not wanting to look like he had marched me along.  I didn't want to take my time, either!

As soon as I came into the kitchen area, I saw that Mike had fixed sandwiches with a large bowl of potato salad and a plate of reasonably fresh vegetables.  A couple bags of chips were on the table as well.  I was glad that he hadn't cooked; at this stage with how hungry I was, I didn't know how well I would have coped being tortured with the aroma of prepared food.  

I sat down at my usual spot between Raph and Don, mindful now that both were my senseis.  Why Don decided to hand part of that responsibility over to Raph and then maybe to Mike puzzled me.   Possibly this evening I would get a chance to ask him.  Frankly, I was hurt and a bit confused.  I rather looked forward to Don's instructions; he seemed so patient with me the evening before.

As usual, Splinter did his 'look' with each one of us beginning with Father and making his way around until he came to me.  However, unlike the brief glance as he had done this morning, his gaze lingered a while.  I felt very uncomfortable.  My face flushed hot for a moment.  I knew that he was upset right after I'd almost slammed into him in the hallway; his ability to project his feelings allowed me that.  However, I had hoped that he would have forgiven me.  The look he was now sharing told me that this evening's meditation exercise would entail some verbal rebuke from him.  I lowered my gaze and my head just a bit, at the very least to let him know that I understood his silent reprimand.  

Then, they passed around the plate of sandwiches.

I took note that my plate did not have the granola bar that I was half expecting.  This gave me pause, of course.  It meant one of two things, the worse one being I was going to go without lunch as well.  I wanted so much to fight that issue but I also realized how futile it would have been to do so.  

However as Raph finished up with taking his share he handed me the plate.  Not understanding his offer, I passed it over to Donatello. 

"Kira," Father began, "aren't you going to take a sandwich?" 

I looked up startled and somewhat surprised, "Huh?  You mean … I can have one?" I asked.  I swallowed back my emotions.  Maybe I had heard wrong, maybe Father was just teasing me.

"Yes, you may take one." He smiled.

Okay, this was just plain weird.  Considering the day's events so far, if there was any excuse for them to reprimand me they had a bushel full with what happened this morning.  For the life of me, I didn't think I'd ever figure this family out.  However, I wasn't going to argue with Father.  Doing my best not to take all of the sandwiches I took only one and placed it on my plate, passing the rest on to Donatello. Raph then offered me the bowl of potato salad.  It looked and smelled heavenly.  However, I refrained from taking too much and just placed a small scoop onto my plate.  

I found to my delight that once all the food had been served, I had been offered everything that everyone else had.  I was quite happy.

I wasn't so sure I could eat without jamming the entire sandwich into my mouth.  I was so hungry.  However, I was determined not to embarrass myself.  I was mindful that Father and Splinter were watching me with veiled gazes, so it was a possibility that the others were, as well.  Yet, I ate slowly and with moderately small bites.  It felt so good to eat real food.

I have to say, though, that I was so hungry that had they only given me two granola bars, I wouldn't have minded one bit!

When I finally took the last bite of my lunch, I noticed I had finished right along with everyone else.  I was elated!  I had done it and felt it a small victory of sorts.  No way would I give them the satisfaction of watching me scramble for every bite of food.  It just wasn't going to happen – and it didn't!  I wanted to shout but I kept it tucked away as far as I could from the prying 'sensors' that surrounded me.  

Donatello had clean up duty, now that my punishment was over.  However, I really didn't mind doing that chore.  I asked if I could help and he accepted.  This would be a great opportunity for me to inquire why he passed the sensei baton over to Raphael.  The rest of the family went their separate way in the lair so I took advantage of the fact I wouldn't be overheard.

"Don, er, Sensei…may I ask you a question?" I ventured as I brought in the last of the leftovers and the dirty plates.

"Yes, you may." He answered as he filled the sink with hot water.  He added some soap to clean up the dishes and then reached under the cabinet sink to fetch the dish drainer.

"Hmm…why did you have Raph work with me this morning?" I asked nervously.  I scooped what was left of the potato salad into a smaller bowl.  After covering it, I then placed it into the refrigerator.

He looked at me and smiled, "Because you needed to work with him." Then Don took the first pile of soiled plates and placed them in the now filled sink.  

"Why, though?" I asked.

Don began to wash the first dish, rinsing it in the opposite sink that had been filled with clear hot water.  "Raph has a way of not putting up with much, okay?  Plus he told me about your snotty remark when he asked about you going into the kitchen for that glass of water."

"It wasn't snotty." I defended, "I was just kidding around." I took the now clean plate and wiped it dry, placing it up into its cupboard.

"Really?" Don stopped what he was doing and looked hard at me.  

I shrunk back a little and nodded, "Yes, really." I insisted softly.

He stared at me and then commented, "You've been under punishment for the past day and you know the reasons why.  You then make that comment to Raph when he asked about why you were going into the kitchen.  You think that either Raph or I are that stupid to believe you were just 'kidding'?"

"But…I was." I said simply.

"Kira, we know you too well.  You were not kidding!  You might believe you were but we know better.  At the very least you only fooled yourself."

I thought about that and even though I would still maintain my innocence, maybe in some subliminal way I had been cheeky with Raph.  Still, he could have just laughed it off.  Don's comment did give me something to think about, though.

"Are you going to work with me this evening?" I inquire, trying to change the subject a little.

Don went back to washing up the dishes while I dried them. "Maybe; depends.  I have some repairs to do on some of the tunnel sensors.   I'm not sure how long it will take to fix.  It doesn't matter anyway.  We're all responsible for training you, in case you haven't figured that out by now."

"Why do I have to be trained anyway?" I grumbled under my breath.

Don stopped what he was doing and turned towards me.  "I can't believe you just said that?" he seemed rather peeved in that moment. "After what we had to do and what we had to sacrifice in order to keep you safe, you have the audacity to say what you just said?" 

I was mortified.  Okay, I spoke something aloud that maybe I should have just kept hidden, but good grief right now Don seemed to be going off the deep-end.  "Sorry, maybe I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, I'm glad you said that, Kira!" he declared almost happily.  

"You are?" I asked, not really believing that and somewhat confused by his mood.

"Yes, I am.  It only proves one thing and that is you are ignorant and stupid!"

I just stood there in shock.  He just insulted me.  What was that all about? 

"Ah, why do you say that?"  I had to admit it, I was somewhat hurt by his rude statement.  Don seemed not the type to say such things to me.  Raph, on the other hand, oh, that comment would have been right up his alley!

"Because if you were smart, my dear...," Don explained, "...you would know that having just one untrained unskilled member of this clan endangers the whole clan.  Maybe….yes, I think so… maybe you need to go out on patrol and maybe meet up with the very reason why we've had to move so many times since you've been born.  Maybe it's time you find out the hard way!"

Personally, the look Donatello gave me suggested that whatever it was he had in mind I would not be merely 'patrolling' as he had suggested.  It filled me with dread.  In that moment, I think I understood why Raph worked me so hard.  

If there was a way to back-peddle my comment I would have.  As it was, Don's statement and posturing said it was a done deal.  

All things considered, maybe this evening having Raph work me might be a wise thing to do.

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_MetaJedi_

_Yeah, Kira's hard not to feel sorry for; since we're 'kind of' in the know about her.   I've received comments from other readers, though, that wonder why, with their ninja sense, her mentors haven't picked up on her dilemma.  As the story unfolds more, that will gradually be explained.  Thanks for thinking that this is a great story!  I almost didn't' post it!  Only had one chapter written up and it was just a quirky idea at the time.  Funny how things turned out, eh?  Thanks for reading and reviewing.  Be blessed. _

_Kuroi Neko-kun_

_LOL  yes__, I definitely wanted to get that kind of response to how Raph is portrayed.  Although a certain Raph-fiend friend of mine believed I made him too mellow!  Buslady of SoCal, in fact..  I may go back to see if I can put more 'bite' into him.  As for him treating her better, well, I think after this chapter how he did treat her in chapter 14 was a walk in the park for Kira!  And, yes, I will continue this story!  Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed._

_Pretender Fanatic_

_Glad you are enjoying the story.  Chapter 15 was a tough one, for some reason.  As was Ch. 16.  As for her meal, if you are reading this then you know that she's back in with having meals again.  At least, for now.  Bwahaha!  I try to lure readers back to the next chapter so thanks for letting me know I'm succeeding!  Thanks, too, for reading and reviewing.  Be blessed._

_Ramica_

_Longest review you've done yet on my stories!  It was a pleasure to read, too. Well, gee – where to begin.   Hmm…. Don did explain to Kira in this chapter about why Raph was her sensei.  Yes and he did tell her that they are all responsible for her training.  Considering Leo allowing that training to stop after the death of Mei Pei two years prior, they have an uphill battle.  Add to that Kira's inability to remember any previous experiences and you have problems in the dojo!  Splinter will definitely have a field day with her during their next meditation session, too.  Overall, Kira did cooperate despite her initial reaction to having Raph as her sensei.  They didn't reward her with the food, but instead ended her punishment because, as you pointed out, she couldn't be expected to work out while being so hungry.  They had made their point, basically.  As for 'whatever perils' await our hapless heroine?  I need to make a list!  @_@   Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed._


	17. The 'Elements' of Surprise!

A/N:  I gleaned information on 'kunoichi' and their history off the Internet from a site hosted by Caroline Seawright.  If any one desires the web address, just E-mail me.  I would put it here, but for some reason ff.net won't allow pasted web addresses.  Additionally, some kunoichi information was obtained from _Rahab_, written by Wendy A Peabody.  I don't know what is accurate, so I plead innocent of any mis-information!  I do not own any TMNT's, either.  

**CHAPTER 17 – The 'Elements' of Surprise!******

I was intrigued to find that after lunch I had lessons with Donatello, not in the art of ninjitsu, but with school.  Regular school, mind you.  Aside from already having an education, I couldn't figure out for the life of me why I would even need to have one.  I thought it a big waste of time considering where I was currently living.  What would I do with it?  

I made a point of sharing this insight with my 'teacher'.  It was a big mistake!

After twenty minutes of listening to him expound on the _'virtues of learning'_ and never to assume one had _'enough'_, I finally raised both my hands up in surrender and exclaimed in exasperation,  "Okay, you win, I understand.  Please, stop!"

"It seems, though," Donatello chided, "that I have to continually remind you of this fact, Kira.  How many times must I repeat myself before you finally understand?" He seemed genuinely annoyed. 

Hmm…it was apparent that this other Kira felt the same way as I did.  How interesting.  Nevertheless, I now knew not to question Don on this topic.  It was evident that he took educating me very seriously.  

Fortunately, I had been a rather decent student back in my old life.  Much of what he was trying to teach me I had already learned.  If there was any proof of that it was with my easy recitation of the periodic table that Don asked me to do.  I even went so far as to tell him what each element was used for!  I felt rather smug and it certainly proved my point that I was not the same Kira he and the others in the family thought I was.  I had to admit that I saw it as a small bit of victory for me.   

At least, for a moment I did.

The surprised look on Don's face lasted for a second or two.  Then a dark cloud of discontent seemed to pass over him.  I was somewhat puzzled by it.

"Did, ah, I say something wrong?  Maybe I messed up somewhere?" I asked nervously.  I knew I hadn't but then maybe Don wanted something else from me.

"In a manner of speaking… yes, you did." He replied coolly. "Maybe you forgot about the last time I asked you to recite the periodic table?"  
  


I thought about that and I could in all honesty affirm that assumption. "Well, I guess so since I haven't a clue why you seem to be upset." I replied meekly.

"Really?" He offered dryly.

I did not like the way he said that, not one bit in fact.

Don then proceeded to inform me, "Well, let me refresh your memory, Kira." He leaned towards me with a smile that seemed to contradict itself, "The last time I asked you to recite the periodic table – which was last week - you declared that it was my forte and not yours.  You whined about how difficult it was and how unfair it was of me to expect you to remember something so hard!  No matter how many times I went over it with you and even with your father's help, you just couldn't do it."  He glared at me, adding as he leaned back into his chair and waved one hand in my direction, "But, look at you now!  It seems you were able to do it after all."  He folded his arms across his plastron indignantly as he finished his tirade.

I sat there wondering where my little victory went.  I could have brought up my proclamation that my knowing the table was proof of what I had told him last evening, that I really wasn't from 'here'.  However, it would have been a hard sell all the way around.  Truth that it was, I doubted very much Don would have taken me seriously.  After all, I just appeared to have contradicted myself from what happened the week before, not that _I_ was 'here' for it, mind you.  

"Well," Don began, a little gleam in his eye and his smile widening almost to a sneer, "What I want you to do now is to take that new found knowledge and list off each element with at least ten ways it can be used for you to become a better kunoichi!  I expect the results by tomorrow evening.  No excuses."  

Don then turned towards the desk and picked up what looked like an old history book.  Evidently, we were through with science.

I sat there and stared off into space.  How in blazes would any of it be used to better – what did he say… a kunoichi?   I started to laugh a little, which of course piqued Don's interest.

"Something funny about that?" he asked me derisively.  While he waited for my response, he opened the book and fingered through the pages.

"Well, yeah…" I chuckled in amusement.

"Okay, why don't you enlighten me a little." He asked, putting the book back down and facing me.  

"I haven't any idea what a kunoichi is!" I explained sincerely.    

Don just looked at me and shook his head, "Don't know why I even put up with you, I really don't!"  He then stood up from his chair, saying, "I'm going to get some coffee.  While I'm away, I want you to read chapters twenty through twenty-five.  I want them done by the time I return."  Then he roughly handed me the book and left his room in a huff, leaving me somewhat deflated.  

How was I going to understand the homework assignment when I didn't even know the meaning of the word 'kunoichi'? 

I looked at the book he had given me and realized how out-dated it was.  I opened up to the chapters he wanted me to read and realized I had already learned this stuff in my other life.  I quickly thumbed through it and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would be able to answer any question he would present to me.  

What I really wanted to do was to find out what a kunoichi was.  I thought about the spelling of the word and then I spied Don's collection of dictionaries.  There were several but one in particular caught my eye.  It was an English to Japanese dictionary.  The phrasing on the word 'kunoichi' sounded very oriental so I decided that more than likely, it was a ninja term.  

I quickly grabbed up the book from its shelf and fingered through it until I found the K's.  Within a short amount of time, I found the word. 

"Hmm…" I said silently, reading, "…_kunoichi means female ninja!"  _How surprising!  _"One who uses their femininity to subdue or infiltrate."  _No wonder I couldn't kick butt.  I wasn't supposed to, based on the definition.  How incredibly chauvinistic of them!    Rolling my eyes, _"I'm so disappointed!"_

There was more on the subject, however!   As I read, I discovered that kunoichi's were mistresses of deception.  They were spies, messengers, and observers. Their training, although similar to their male counterparts, focused more on the psychological techniques that included manipulation, disguises, feminine charms and the use of female intuition. They were instructed how to not only play with the emotions of others, but to keep their own emotions in check.  In fact, it wasn't even allowed for them to fall in love with their targets!

I read further that some clans would seek out orphan girls for particular assignments.  They would be raised, nurtured, and then trained in the arts for a single task.  Once that mission was finished, depending on the severity of that task, some kunoichi's were conditioned to commit seppuku, or suicide.  

Okay, that grabbed my attention.  Why would anyone commit such a horrible act?  What reasons would they have; it just didn't make any sense and it scared me to death.  I wondered if maybe I had been so conditioned.   Yet I doubted very much that Father would do such a thing, not with his comment how I reminded him of Mei Pei.  

Happily, I dismissed that bit of paranoia.

I was then mindful of the fact that Don would be back at any moment.  I figured he was doing more than getting himself a cup of coffee, though, Don was possibly chatting with one of the others.  I quickly returned the dictionary to its rightful place on the bookshelf. 

I then thought if Don wanted me to read six chapters before he returned, it was a given he would allow me the time to do it.  I calculated that only about ten minutes had passed since he had left the room.  Remembering the amount of pages that I had to read, I figured he would give me about thirty minutes to do the assignment.  Since I had pretty much satisfied my need to define what a kunoichi was, I was now bored.  I noticed, however, that Don's computer was on.  

I wandered over there to see what kind of screen saver he had.  I wasn't too surprised to see a floating Albert Einstein meandering around the face of the viewer.  I nudged the mouse a little and his desktop came up.  I saw the E-mail insignia down below and wondered if he did any of that.  So I directed the mouse cursor over the emblem and left-clicked.  A main window came up that showed the different accounts, but the one that I noticed right off nearly took my breath away.  

Kira's!  

I nearly jumped.  She had an E-mail account for crying out loud!  I looked over at the door and sharpened my hearing a little.  The last thing I wanted was to have Don walk in on me right about then.  It would probably end up being the last time I would ever have access to his computer.

Confident that he was still busy with his 'coffee', I clicked on 'my' name and then discovered that I needed to give it a password.  Great, as if I would know that!  

"_Hmm…what would Kira put there for a password?" _I thought to my self.  

I really didn't have a clue.  Maybe later on, if I explored her room a little bit, some clue or clues would present itself.  However, thinking about that, maybe I did know.  Connecting to the outside world via E-mail was as close as Kira would ever get to being part of the human world, or 'freedom' as one might describe it.  I then remembered the posters in her bedroom..  I wondered if maybe with what she wrote on them gave her an easy reminder for her password.  

Again listening for Don's possible intrusion, I quickly typed in '_freedom'_.  I then clicked the 'ok' button and waited. 

Nothing happened other than the indicator that said I had typed in an incorrect password.  

Okay, so…what else would she use as a password?  Maybe it was her slogan on the posters.  I typed in _'youarehere'_.  

Still nothing happened.

I knew that if I didn't get it the third time, I would just have to give up until I could think it through a little more.  I didn't want to become so distracted with this that I failed to hear Donatello's approach.  I wracked my brain wondering what kind of word or words would she use that would be an easy-to-remember password.   I thought of one and typed it in. 

Finally, I found success!  

I felt it heartwarming and sad when I thought about her password.  Mei Pei must have meant an awful lot to this Kira, but then it was a given since she was her mother. Yet, nevertheless, I now had access to Kira's E-mail account.  Maybe there was some clue hidden in there that would explain who she was and where she had disappeared.  I was certainly going to beg, borrow, and steal – if it came down to that – time at the computer.  My goal now was to comply even more with the demands that Don put upon me, even that ridiculous chemical elements homework.  

I wanted computer privileges!

Not wanting to tempt fate, however, I quickly closed the account and brought everything back up to desktop.  I left the mouse alone and prayed that Don had the screen saver timed to go on in short order.  I watched and waited.

I waited a good long time, in fact.  I was almost sweating bullets as the minutes ticked by. I was afraid that if Don came when the screen saver hadn't activated yet, I would have to forget about privileges – and maybe dinner, too, as well.  

Then, I heard him coming.  He was talking with Mike, but making his way back to the room.  I took up the history book, thumbed to the last page of the last chapter he had asked me to read, all the while aware of that screen.  If push came to shove, I would feign being sick, just to get him distracted.  I would do anything to keep him from seeing the evidence that I had been at the computer.

Just before he worked the door handle, though, the screen saver kicked in!  I breathed out a deep sigh of relief, grateful that for once my luck had held out.

My next task was to act calm.  

Yeah, right!  

My heart was beating furiously from the anxiety of being found out.. However, I did an impromptu relaxation exercise that Splinter had shown me that morning.  It was quick and efficient.  By the time Don was back in the room and had closed his door, my heart rate was beginning to slow down.  

Don sat in his chair and took note that I was on the last page of my reading assignment.  

"Good, glad you're sticking to the assignment." He still had coffee in his cup and took a swig of it before settling down into his chair to watch me finish.  He eyed me a little bit as if noticing something. He worked the inside of his cheek as if in consideration.  I didn't watch him directly but allowed my peripheral vision to take in what he was doing.  I saw his eyes narrow at me just a bit.

"Something wrong, Kira?" he asked me.  I could hear the suspicion in his voice.  He knew something wasn't right with me.

I looked up and squinted to focus on him, replying, "No, not really.  Why?"

"You seem anxious to me." He said and then took a sip from his mug.  He continued to watch me.

"Oh, this 'war' stuff; very unsettling.  Amazing that so many countries would join up like that.  All those people dying.  Upsets me is all." I explained.  War did bother me, but sometimes when an evil persisted in the world and threatened to jeopardize freedom in general, it became a necessity.  I thought my reason was a good one to explain my heightened anxieties.

"Hmm…I see." He said simply.  Yet he continued to observe me.

I went back to my reading, trying to act natural, but I did notice Don glancing over at his computer at one point.  I wondered if maybe the other Kira had the habit of using it outside of his permission, too.  I was thankful that the screensaver came up when it had otherwise I was sure my instructor would be lecturing me again about the virtues of learning!

Once I had finished my assignment, Don leaned back and started testing me – right off the top of his head!  The guy was amazing; it was almost as if he had memorized the entire book.  I knew then that he would never forget anything that I might say or do.  He was, in effect, my conscience.  It was quite intimidating to sit there and realize that, too – all things considered.

The topic was World War 1.  I had to wrack my brain a few times to get the answers and the dates he wanted.  Nevertheless, I had proved to him that I had read it – though I really didn't – and understood the topic.  It sort of made his afternoon, to be honest.  His mood perked up after that.  It was a great improvement from where it had been before he left to get his cup of coffee.  I felt kind of bad, though, since I hadn't really complied with his request but relied on what I already knew.  I guess it didn't matter, however, since his goal was to teach me and my goal was to learn.  

How could I be criticized for already knowing the stuff? 

About two hours later as we finished up with school and Don was rearranging his desk, I asked him, "Would it be all right if I did a little _Internet_ cruising?"

"Hm?  Oh, sure…you earned it, Kira." Don offered lightly, "I'm surprised, though."

"Why is that?" I asked.

"Because it's been about a year since you've shown any interest. Ever since your mom…"  He stopped and then gazed at me uncomfortably as if he had invaded my personal territory.  Then he looked down at the papers in his hand and mumbled, "I'm kind of glad, though.  It tells me that you're coming around."  He looked at me again and smiled, "I'll give you about thirty minutes and then you should rest up for tonight.  Dinner will be in a couple of hours, so you should be able to get some sleep before then."  He reached over and gently squeezed my knee then turned to straighten up his desk.

"Ah, I thought I took the seven to eleven shift?" I asked him.

"Oh, well, you're going out on patrol with Mike this evening, so it'll be from eleven to two – unless you run into trouble.  That can always put a delay on getting back." Don replied. "You might be allowed to nap before the shift starts, though.  I'll square it with Leo on that."

"Ah, I have that elements homework to do, so maybe napping wouldn't be a good idea." I commented as I moved on over to the computer.  I clicked on the E-mail icon and then typed in the password.  

As I watched Kira's E-mail account come up, I heard Don say, "Hmm…you're right.  Well, do what you want; nap or homework." 

Then, to give me some privacy, Don left his room, allowing me free access to his computer.  

Once I had Kira's E-mail account opened, I clicked the 'In' file to see what was there.  

Don was right; it had been a year since she/I had used it.  The last mail that she had opened dated back about twelve months prior to today's date.  I looked at the incoming messages from that point and went backwards, finding a variety of E-mail addresses like CoolDude32, Brazenbratt.5, WhatevahBabe, and other silly handles.  However, there was one which seemed to come up more frequently.  That one was from Drial Namtsae.  Whether it was a he or a she, the name took up almost a whole month before it stopped – twelve months ago.  From where it ended, a long string of unopened E-mails were listed.  Those petered out about six months after Kira had supposedly stopped using the Internet.  

I ran the incoming mail back as far as I could where Drial Namtsae began. It started at three months prior to the last message, when Kira had stopped E-mailing.   Before that, I noticed the other accounts that sent her messages.  I also noted that some of their subject titles dealt with the death of Kira's mother.  It was obvious that she had shared her loss with her on-line friends, though I doubt very much she would have told anyone the cause of her mother's demise.    

However, Drial Namtsae bugged me.  Each of his/her incoming messages were opened.  Yet there were several other messages belonging to different addresses that weren't.  Why would Kira be more interested in Drial than with the others?  I decided to click on the last E-mail that he/she had sent to her.  I waited for a moment to allow the system to kick in.  Finally, the message window popped up.  There wasn't much to it and what there was puzzled me.  

_"The time is right.  I have what you need.  Meet me at Essex and Canal Sts at Seward Park tomorrow at midnight.  Don't be late or you'll miss your window."_

That was it.  What did it mean by 'miss your window'?  That was very strange.  Was it a 'window of opportunity'?  Was it a departure time?  Was she picking up a window and what would she use a window for, anyway. 

What kind of name is Drial Namtsae? 

I went to the subsequent incoming messages and opened them one at a time.  The strangeness continued.  Most were casual replies to questions.  I knew I was going to have to check her outgoing messages to understand what Drial was replying to.  However, one caught my attention and it nearly caused me to gasp out loud.

_"I have found your replacement.  She is willing to the exchange but you must not tell anyone.  They cannot know or the incantation will not work.  I will contact her per your acceptance."  _

Replacement?  Incantation?  What is this?  Spells, witchcraft, sorcery?  I didn't believe in such rubble, but, yet, here I was.  What did all of this mean, anyway?  

I furthered my search through the mail, opening each one and reading as fast as I could.  My time at the computer was slowly running out.  Yet I knew the reasons for my being here would be found in Kira's E-mail account.

Then, just before Don came back to tell me my time was up, I found one reply from Drial that nearly froze my heart.  It was near the beginning of Kira's E-mail relationship with this person.

_"You must understand that if you are sincere in pursuing this exchange, you will not have the memory of your previous life and neither your replacement of theirs.  However, both of you will gain the memories of the other – forever!  Keep in mind that any mention of this to anyone after the fact and you will return to the life you had without regaining that life's recollections. You will be a stranger in your own world.  From that point on there is no return."  _

I stared at the screen not believing what I was reading.  This just couldn't be nor was it possible.  Incantations were not real, they didn't work; they were just a mish mash of words that mislead people into thinking they had power.  How could this happen and who was this Drial Namtsae?  

I saw one problem with what I had just read, however.  If the 'exchange' was reversed when this arrangement was mentioned to anyone, how could that happen if they didn't have any memory of their previous life?  Wouldn't the reverse occur only if they knew about their previous life?  Maybe something wrong happened with one of them and just enough memory remained anyway?  It just didn't make any sense at all.  Somewhere in the unopened E-mails I had yet to explore was the answer.  

Then it hit me – like a ton of bricks.

Regardless if I believed incantations were real or not, what this said implied that an exchange of some sort happened between two different individuals – Kira and someone else.  With that said, then what I assumed next had to be true.  Finding my self in this strange world was not a figment of my imagination.  Nor was it a result of a coma-induced illusion.  

The truth that presented itself in what I was reading said only one thing and one thing only.

I had returned to my own world!

I just sat there in utter shock and disbelief.

I _was_ Kira!

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A/N:  I didn't plan on getting to this point so soon.  However, I saw how many words and chapters I've already written and decided that I didn't want another marathon story.  Even with that, this aspect of Kira was not what I had originally planned for her.  Nevertheless, it's done and now I have some storyboarding to do.  It's tweaked my ending just a little.  Probably for the better, but right now I'm scrambling!  

_Lady Venom2 _

_Yeah, control verses getting thrown across the dojo. Which would you choose?  LOL  Trust is earned, as we all know, and can be lost in a nano second, too.  Raph scared her to death and she believed every word he told her.  Why would anyone challenge him on any threat he offered up?  I know I wouldn't.  I've given Mike a well-rounded personality compared to the goofy guy that's portrayed in the cartoons, etc..  He's grown up.  Though he can still joke around and all of that he's come to that point where life becomes a little more serious.  Having kids or being responsible for them will do that to anyone.  Trust me; I know this one very well!  Now, with chapter 17, things are taking an interesting turn for Kira, me thinks!  Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed._

_danceingfae_

_Yeah, food!__  Who of us wouldn't be thrilled, eh?  Yeah, Raph can scare anyone to death!  Did he seem mellow?  Hmm…maybe he's learned along the way that going off the deep end with his temper was counter productive.  I prefer to write as if they were real and had choices.  Another words, give them the opportunity to make mistakes but to learn from them. Personally, his role in the dojo was to teach Kira, not to beat the living tar out of her.  Though, had she resisted any more than she did, he would have.  Maybe I allowed him too much patience in the beginning?  Probably.  Oh well…as for her story?  I think the turn in Chapter 17 is causing her some grief, don'cha think?  :0)  Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed._

_Kuroi Neko-kun_

_Food food food!__  *wonders what to make for lunch*  Yeah, I'm sure it felt good to bite into something substantial!  Anyway, Kira is trained, as I mentioned in my E-mail to you, but not to fight for her life.  That will change, I think, with Leo stepping up her training, now!  Yeah, I wanted to 'disclaim' my Japanese and explain the website I gathered the few words from.  I did go back and change the words that Leo spoke to Splinter and made the corrections with his reply as well.  Thanks for the insight!  I would love to find a website that translates phrases from English to Japanese, but the only one I found translates into Kanji.  Like that would help me here.  You did not offend me, either!  :0)  Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed._

_Pretender Fanatic_

_Yeah, lunchtime is here and I'm feeling a little hungry myself!  I wanted to do that and I will maybe in the next chapter or two.  However, I wanted to focus on her obedience rather than what she was being asked to do.  I have a problem writing action scenes, especially where I haven't a clue what the moves are called.  I don't do martial arts.  I'm too old!!  I'd get matted and then have to be carried out on a gurney!  :0)  However, I did find a website that has video logs of about twenty different katas!   So, with the one I mentioned in Chapter 15 ( with Don) and 16 ( with Raph), I used that and tried to describe part of it.  As it turned out, I forgot one 'step'.  Oh well.  Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed._

_Ramica_

_What is it about food?  Oh, yeah, keeps us going, eh?  :0)  Yeah, the Foot should educate Kira in more than one way, that's certain.  Being untrained to fight for your life is not a good thing to be in a family of ninjas!  That's about to change, though.  I think at this point with Chapter 17, Kira is going to dread more than facing Splinter!  Knowing what she suspects is now true, she will have a need to search for answers.  This may or may not put her into trouble with the Clan or danger elsewhere.  Hmmm….again, I never story board and even the last part of Chapter 17 was outside of my original plans!  But it just sort of wrote itself and that was how I knew it needed to be.  Thanks for reading and reviewing.  Be blessed._


	18. Found Out!

Disclaimer: Don't own any turtles, whether bi-pedal and ninja or otherwise.  I only own Kira and the name Drial Namstae.  

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**CHAPTER 18 – Found Out!**

I stared at the screen, unable to take my eyes off of the words I had just read.  I thought if I kept reading them a different meaning would come to mind.  However, that was not the case.  No matter how many times I re-read that message from Drial Namstae, it told me the same disturbing news.  Difficult as it had been to accept being in the sewers, finding out that I was the real Kira just bumped the weirdness up to a whole new level.  I wanted to scream.  Yet I knew if I did, Don and the others would be bolting into the room to find out what was wrong.  Right now, I didn't want them to know anything about my discovery.  I had my reasons, too.

I had this strong impression that it would not have been permissible for me to go outside of the clan for help.  I was sure that if Father found out, granola bars would soon become my main diet.  The last thing they'd want would be to move again.  Consequently, they would feel my going to an outsider for help would endanger the clan once more.  I knew that Father would be quite angry with me, as would everyone else.  After what I just went through during the past twenty-four hours, I really didn't care for a repeat!  

Also by getting them involved with my situation, I would confirm to them that I was who they thought I was.  More than likely, they would step up my re-training!  Right now the way I was feeling I wanted to ease back into this life without anyone being the wiser.  Call it pride or whatever; I just felt that it was my problem.  The transition should be mine and mine alone.  Besides, what could any of them do about it?  It wasn't as if I could go up to the local pawnshop and purchase my old memories back.  If what Drial Namtsae said was true, then the memories of my life here in the sewers were gone forever from me and now belonged to 'someone else'.  

My concern now was for that 'someone else'.  Because of who I was previously before finding myself in the sewers, I knew without a doubt that my switch had been with Alicia Gordon.  How she figured it out was still a question that needed answering.  Nevertheless, she had obviously said something to someone here in this universe to reverse the incantation.  To whom she shared this fact with was a mystery, but Splinter did seem the obvious choice to me.  Unlike Father and the others, the rat availed himself willingly and appeared less hostile towards me.  More than likely, Alicia might have found him to be the same way with her as well.  

Nevertheless, I knew that regardless of whom she told Alicia had picked the worse possible time to fess up to her true self.  I knew now that she was either dead or, at the very least, injured and lying in a hospital.  It was all because of that stupid accident that, had I been paying attention, might have been prevented!  

I was so involved with thinking about my situation that I hadn't heard Donatello enter the room.  I had my arms wrapped around myself as I trembled a little from the effect of Drial's Email.  It wasn't until Don was standing right next to me that I noticed him.    
  


Startled, I tried to drop my Email account, but his hand quickly caught mine in a firm hold and held it above the mouse. Had I been just a little faster…?

"Kira, what exactly is being said here?" Don asked.  He was looking at my account.

Stammering and quite concerned, I replied tartly, trying to stand in front of the screen, "Is - isn't it kind of rude to read other people's mail?"

"Not when it's on my computer." Don declared, gently pushing me aside, "Who is this Drial Namtsae?  What does he mean by '_you will be a stranger in your own world?  From that point on there is no return?' "_

I was losing my composure, now.  I did not want anyone to know about this until I could speak with Splinter.  "Please, Donatello, please don't say anything to Father!  I just discovered this, too." I cried, "I – I'm not sure what it means.  I need to speak with Splinter about it!"

"What do you mean you don't know what it means and how does this involve Splinter?" Don growled as he looked at me.  He then gently but effectively pulled me away from the computer.  Don then sat down in the chair I had occupied only moments before.  He began to read the entire message about the conditions for switching my life with the other willing participant – Alicia Gordon.  When he finished with that message, Don dropped it down and exposed the long string of other incoming Emails that Drial had sent me. 

I cringed and backed up towards the far desk where only thirty minutes earlier I had finished my studies.  I watched as Don systematically went to each and every entry and opened it.  It didn't take him long to read through the entire history of my communication with Drial Namtsae.  Then, Don went to my outgoing mail that I had sent.  

"Why is this Drial Emailing you, Kira?  What does he want from you?"  He looked over at my slowly retreating form, scowling in concern at me.  

I hadn't even had a chance to check my own outgoing mail, yet.   I was mortified, to say the least.  What kind of defamatory remarks about the family might be in there?  Considering it was a personal Email account, I was sure I vented now and then.  So many times since I had arrived I had wanted a hole to crawl into.  All I wanted now was for the ground to open up and swallow me!  

I quivered from the pent up emotions and the shock of realizing the truth of who I was.  Don's intrusion hadn't helped, that was certain.  Tears streamed down my face unabated as my emotions became too overwhelming.  Don stared hard at me and then turned his focus to the computer screen.  

I watched him as I backed up against the desk.  I watched as Don opened each and every outgoing message from me.  I saw his eyes go wide at certain times, glancing at me once or twice in utter disbelief.  Then he became transfixed yet again as he read the progression of how I so willingly accepted the chance to change lives with a complete stranger.

I slumped to the floor, defeated.  Out of reflex, I wedged myself underneath the desk and scooted as far from the opening as I could.  I wanted to hide, to disappear, or to run away.   About the time I pulled my head into my shell and tried to do the same with my arms and leg, I heard the bedroom door open.

"Ah, Don?  What's going on in here?" It was Father! 

I began to cry softly, truly afraid now that he was here.  I pulled deeper into my shell and huddled under the desk, terrified of what the outcome was going to be.  

Soon I heard the pad of softer feet enter the room.

"My sons, what is the matter?  I felt a great distress coming from this room!" Now Splinter was here.  Just great, could anything get any worse, I thought to myself.

"Hey…what's happen'n?  The stress levels in here are goin' off the charts!"  

Oh, just wonderful.  Now Raph decided to be apart of my merry little get-together.  Why weren't some of them out on patrol?  It was only a matter of time before….

"Yo, Dudes, where's the fire?" It was Mike.    
  


My entire family was now in what used to be Don's rather large bedroom.  With the five of them milling about, I was glad for my little space under the desk.

"Don, what is that?  Is – that Kira's Email account?" Father asked in a voice that expressed disbelief. 

I heard Don mumble something and then there seemed to be an unusually long stretch of silence.  It didn't last for long.

"KIRA!  WHAT IN BLAZES HAVE YOU DONE?"  Father yelled.  

I tried to scoot farther back under the desk but the wall kept me from making any progress.  I was as far back as I could get.  If it were physically possible, I would have pulled my arms and legs into my shell and snap everything closed.  However, the mutation had changed much of what the original design of my species was supposed to be.  The best I could do was to hunker down inside my shell and ball up my arms and legs.  

"KIRA!  GET OUT FROM UNDER …" Father began to say, but then he quieted.  

I heard Splinter softly comment in Japanese and then Father, less respectfully than he did the last time he spoke to the rat, come back with a statement in the same language.  Splinter was a little more forceful this time with his return and less gentle, too.  There was a pregnant pause lasting almost a full minute.   Then Father finally replied, "Hai."  He didn't seem too happy and I couldn't rightly blame him. 

Soon, I heard an assortment of soft steps, almost indiscernible, but I noticed them nonetheless.  Some time went by before I even attempted to stick my head up out of my shell.  It was then that I heard or rather felt a presence.  I sniffed and immediately knew that by the scent, it was Splinter.  I would recognize the perfume of his favorite incense anywhere!

"My child, you must come out from under there.  I don't think I can squeeze in; I am much too old for such gymnastics."  He said.  There was a bit of frivolity in his voice, as if he was trying very hard to not be threatening and thereby entice me to come out.  

"Ar- are they gone?" I asked, hiccupping a little from my crying.  

"For the moment they are.  We need to talk, you and I." Splinter said softly.

I peered out from under the desk and saw that Splinter was sitting on the edge of Donatello's bed.  He was neither smiling nor frowning, but he did see me.  "Come, Kira Siew, take a seat on the floor in front of me." He directed with his hands.

I slowly crawled out from under the desk, discovering that I, too, seemed too old for such stunts.  I was sore from forcing myself into a ball and my neck hurt from scrunching my head down into my shell.  Once I was free from the confines of the cubbyhole, though, the kinks easily worked themselves out.  By the time I was sitting in front of Splinter, I didn't ache anymore.  I was glad for the rug that lay there.  Where I had sat under the desk, the coolness of the concrete flooring had chilled me just a little.

"My child," Splinter began, glancing once at the computer screen and then back at me, "you have caused a great disturbance in the clan with this latest adventure of yours."  He now seemed genuinely sad.

Out of desperation I asked him, "Am – am I going to be banished?" The thought of it brought tears to my eyes, but I brushed them away.  For reasons that I could not explain, I didn't feel they would merit much attention from Splinter. 

"No, no one will banish you, my dear.  You are too – special for our family!  Never would we do that." He said soothingly.  "But, you have violated yet another clan rule.  It will be dealt with in time, but for now, we must discuss Alicia!"

I looked up at him in surprise, "You – You know about her?" I asked softly, my eyes widening.

"Yes, I do." Splinter smiled.

"H - How?" I was astonished.  How could he know of Alicia?  Unless, somehow her memory had been restored while she was still here?

"Come with me to my room and I will tell you." The rat instructed.

"Can't you tell me here?" I asked nervously.  I was sure my family was waiting right outside that door; especially Father!

As if he read my mind, Splinter assured me, "No harm will come to you, Kira Siew.  I have taken responsibility of you for the time being."

"How long is that?" I was truly worried about any rebuttal from the others, especially one in particular. 

"Long enough.  Now," he slipped off of the bed and stood up, offering his left paw to me, "Stand up and be _kunoichi_!"  

Splinter said the last word with such conviction that the only course for me was to follow and obey.  It wasn't the word he used, but the tone of his voice which gave the word an aura of respect and dignity.  I stood up; my hand entrenched in his.  I then followed him to the bedroom door.  Once the door was opened, he led me out.  I shrank back just a little when I saw Father in the hallway, leaning up against the wall, waiting.  Splinter's grip tightened around my hand to ensure my compliance.  Yet, despite Father's obvious displeasure with me, he did not interfere.  I noticed the others, too, were in the hallway and each of them had similar expressions like Father had.  I shied away from looking at them, my head lowered in chastisement.  I allowed Splinter to lead me down the hallway and into his room.  

His incense was going full tilt but in that moment, I welcomed it gladly by taking in a huge breath of relief!  For the moment, I was safe! For how long I did not know.  

What I did know was from this point on I would always associate Splinter's thick incense with the feeling of being protected.  

Right now, I had sanctuary from the wrath of the clan!

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IN THE CLOUD:  lol  Good golly, I've never had such a short review before, but one that had me laughing out loud!  Truly made me chuckle!  Thanks for reading and reviewing.  BTW, did you notice that I did the 'B' for the next story on TMNTFreaks?!  :0)

Be blessed.

LADY VENOM2:  Yeah, I'm sure I surprised everyone.  Heck, I was surprised!  BTW, if you do a 360, you end up in the same spot!  Just thought you'd like to know. :0)  Five times, eh?  Shoot….I was aiming for 8.  Oh well.  Glad you like the direction I'm taking.  Wish I knew where I was going, though….sigh…..

Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed.

KUROI NEKO-kun:  Yes, Kira seems to have exchanged lives.  Her world ended with the death of her mom.  More on that in the  next chapter!  I was going to have it in this one, but no matter how I did it, the story plodded along.  I changed the flavor just a bit for chapter 18.  I hope I can keep writing, too.   I was almost blindsided with writers block after 17!!!  Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed.

DANCEINGFAE:  Oh, I'm sorry; did I cause you grief?  Bwahahaha!!!  Sorry; I just love typing that!  LOL  Ah, next time, don't eat before you read, okay?  I can only imagine how hard it would be to clean out the keyboard.  Yuck!   Yesh, unexpected it was – even for me.  Ah, the joys of being manipulated by my own story!  Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed.

MELIKA:  Oh, you must not read while riding your horse, Melika.  Reins work far better than words, anyway – no pun intended!  Hmm… heavy stuff like heavy water??  That explosive, eh?  Well, gee, you should have seen that coming!  No?  Hmm…join the club; neither did I!  I had a totally different idea originally.  Then, chapter 17 happened and it completely sucked every ounce of creativity from me.  GASP...WHEEZE!  But, I took a weekend off to recoup my energies and here we have chapter 18!  Even that took several attempts before I had the 'formula' where I wanted it. I'm still trying to figure out where that is, but for now it's enough.  Thanks for reading and reviewing.  Be blessed!

JO DAWN: Glad you are liking Nightmare.  I am trying to write true to the title, but it's just so hard when my humor kicks in.  I'm attempting to keep to the task, though.  Ah, not sure what you mean about the 'names'???   Which one?  Hmm… Anyway, thanks for reading and reviewing ( and you are gonna get up another chappy of WTHW, right???).  Be blessed!

RAMICA;  Yeah, I liked the chapter title a lot!  J  Bizarre, nightmare, Twilight Zone-ish….yes indeedee, that's my goal.  Glad it read that way, too!  I'm hoping to do more intrigue, but it depends on my gray matter; it's being taxed big time lately.  Gee, I could go with the 'body snatchers' theme here, couldn't I.  Hmm..food for thought, me thinks.  Thanks for reading and reviewing.  Be blessed!

PRETENDER FANATIC:  You're giving out prizes?  What'd I win, what'd I win, huh, huh, huh?  _*Jumps up and down excitedly*_

Well, glad you're having a good time with this story.  Love confusing people; keeps them happy for some strange reason.  As far as Drial's face is concerned, I may reveal him later on – or, maybe not.  Thanks for the periodic table correction.  My hubby was a little miffed I didn't call and ask him.  When I checked the web that's what they called it – until I realized it was the name of their website and not the actual table! LOL  Thanks for reading and reviewing.  Be blessed! 


	19. Guilt Trips and Missteps

_DISCLAIMER: I am not responsible for any disappointments that readers may experience because of a lack of 'action' in this newest chapter.  This is an informative chapter; that is, the questions that Kira had been asking herself finally – for the most part – get answered.  There are still some areas left for discussion and in subsequent updates they will hopefully be addressed.  I apologize for what may become ponderous reading.  However, I have about four versions of this chapter, of which I've taken the best and augmented to present to you a reading  that I hope is worthy of your viewing!  As always, I only own Kira, Alicia, and, of course, Drial Namtsae  - sort of.   _

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**CHAPTER 19 – Guilt Trips and Missteps    **

I spent several hours in Splinter's room as he lectured me and then educated me about what he knew of Alicia.  It seemed that I had kept a journal and chronicled my life as it was in the lair – including when I contacted Drial Namtsae!  Apparently, Alicia, as me, had discovered the journal wedged in behind the dresser.  From what Splinter told me, it was against clan rules to have a written account of our lives.  It would have been too dangerous if by some measure the information fell into the wrong hands.  However, as he explained, I had been a somewhat rebellious teen!  

It perplexed me greatly, though, why Alicia didn't remember about the journal.

"If she was supposed to have my memories, how come she didn't recall that?" I asked Splinter.  

"Much of ninjitsu is mental, Kira Siew.  Most of us can sense either what the other one is feeling or even thinking, depending upon the strength of those thoughts.   Consequently, we can also block another's attempt to discern what is on our own mind.  Except for yesterday, you have always done well in this area."  He looked at me and smiled, "So I am assuming that this ability to block out sensitive information may have kept the knowledge of your journal from Alicia."

"Then, why didn't I remember it?" I asked.

Splinter only shrugged, "That I cannot answer.  It might still be part of your memory; only it lies dormant!"  

"What did you do when Alicia brought it to you?" I asked, somewhat concerned that I had unintentionally put my co-exchanger in hot water with Splinter.

"At first I was angry with her, of course."  The rat explained.  "But then I sensed a strong confusion from her, as if she was not too sure about who she was.  She behaved as you, but there was something about her chi, which contradicted her.  It was very subtle; I doubt very much your Father would be able to detect it." Splinter sighed and then continued, "We read through the journal together so that I would be more thoroughly aware of her disobedience, thinking that she was you.  However, the last few pages became quite disturbing."  He paused as he handed me the journal. 

I saw that it had a blue cover and my name written on the front in my own handwriting.  The book was at least an inch and a half thick with paper.  By the stains and its less than pristine condition, the book was an obviously scavenged item.  I opened the front cover to the first page and noted the date of the initial entry.  It preceded my mother's death by three years, when I was eleven.  I think I had a head start on being a rebellious teen if I knew then about the clan rules regarding such things.  

Splinter then broke into my thoughts, saying, "When we came to the part where you wrote about your interest in changing your life for another, some of Alicia's own memory came back!"

"What happened?" I asked nervously.  I had closed the book and was currently hugging it.

"As one might expect; she became frightened." Splinter explained, "She still had your memories, but the few that were hers conflicted with them.  Alicia would see herself as human one minute but then in the next see herself as a mutant turtle.  It concerned me at first until I remembered about her chi.  I did a meditation exercise with her and it was through that measure I realized that she was not you!  I did not tell anyone about why she was behaving this way, as I was sure your Father would not believe it.  I had some tea prepared to help calm her down."

"Did she?" I asked.

"Of course; your father makes a strong relaxation tea!" he said simply.

I remembered my own breakdown from yesterday.  After watching Alicia as me do just about the same thing, per Splinter's explanation, my behavior when I tried to get out of the lair was probably old stuff to the clan.     

"What happened after that?" I asked. I was curious about Alicia's reaction to sewer life.

Master Splinter shook his head, "It does not matter now.  What matters now is you."

Then, Splinter instructed me to read the last six pages of the book.  He told me that they encompassed about three months worth of entries and the topic was mainly on my unhappiness in the lair and then the discovery of Drial Namtsae.  I was a little hesitant to read the accounts, though; fearful that Splinter's anger would go against me.   I kind of liked him, mainly because so far he had been the only one in the clan not to yell or get mad at me. 

"Do not fear the truth, my child.  The words that are in this journal are the clues to what happened to you and why." He encouraged.

"I do not fear the truth as much as I fear…your displeasure!" I admitted softly.  

"Hmm…" Splinter mused as he narrowed his expression, "_my_ displeasure should be the least of your concerns right now, Kira Siew!"

I cringed as I understood his implied meaning.  I still had to face Father and the other members of the clan with my blatant act of disobedience by keeping a diary, not to mention what was in my Email.  Not knowing how they would respond frightened me more than catching Splinter's wrath right now.  He was correct when he said his displeasure should be the least of my worries!

With shaky hands, I opened up the journal to the last six pages that I had written.  I discovered as I read that I had felt somewhat responsible for the invasion of the last lair we lived in and my mother's subsequent death.  The entry showed a date of about nine months after Mei Pei had died…

_"If only I had not ventured out of the lair that night; if I had just stayed home, maybe the enemy would not have found us.  Despite what Father and Splinter told me that it wasn't my fault, I knew differently.  I will never tell them about the Foot seeing me in Central Park!  I am sure that they followed me home, despite my best attempt at evasive retreat.  Knowing the price we all paid for my disobedience I could never live with myself if the clan ever found out about it.  As it is, I can barely look at my self in the mirror.  All I see is a traitor!"_

I looked up at Splinter in utter amazement, "It was my fault?!" I cried out in disbelief.  Hot tears began to flow down my face as I realized the depth of my rebellious nature and the end-results of it.  I wiped them away, but I could not wipe away what I had just read.  I was devastated to say the least.

Sighing and shrugging his shoulders, he replied, "It is not a matter of whose fault it is at this point.  Quite honestly, Kira Siew, the Foot had been encroaching closer and closer into our territory.  It was only a matter of time before they found the lair."

"But, what if it was my fault?  What if Father and the others want me banished?  Wouldn't endangering the lair like that justify…" I started, but then Splinter interrupted me.

"No one is going to banish you, child." He leaned towards me for emphasis, "Everyone makes mistakes.  It is just unfortunate that yours…." He changed his mind in frustration, "It doesn't matter; please just continue to read!" He waved a gentle hand in my direction for emphasis and sighed deeply.

I knew what he meant to say, what he was going to say.   It was unfortunate that _my_ mistake caused my mother to lose her life.  _My_ mistake!  In that moment I was glad I did not have any memory of her or the incident.  What I had was only the written account of a very distressed and unhappy teenager; who just happened to be me – which was bad enough as it was!

Another entry that caught my attention was when I had painted Raph's sais pink.  I wrote that he had been rather rough with me in the dojo and complained about my lack of effort.  In a fit of anger and frustration, I told him to 'shove it'.  I had to laugh to myself at my written account of what happened next, though.

_"I knew that Raph would be coming after me so I made a bee-line out of the dojo! I went Ninja and hid.  If he had only checked his bedroom, he would have found me!  I had all I could do to keep from laughing!  Once Raph was in my bedroom, I slipped out of his and then high-tailed it out of the lair.  I knew from experience that it would take a few hours for him to cool down.  A person only makes the mistake once of mouthing off to my uncle and not getting out of the way fast enough!"_

I could totally relate to that last statement.  My experience with Raph and his reaction to my comment about getting some 'air' in the kitchen had driven home that point rather well.  He had so intimidated me that I knew beyond a doubt I would never intentionally mouth off at him.  Not unless I had Splinter by my side, that is!  

I continued to read my account…

_"When I returned to the lair, I threw just about the biggest fit of my life.  What Raph did to my room trying to find me really made me mad! He upturned EVERYTHING.  My bed, my dresser, my desk.  How in blazes could I hide in my desk?  Ninja or not, I'm just so small, ya know?  Sheesh.  He never came for me but, just the same, I could easily sense his smugness from behind his closed bedroom door!  Well, just wait until he sees his sais!!  I'm having a hard enough time writing about it and not have a giggle fit!  I can hardly wait for the morning katas to begin.  It's now two A.M. and I just finished painting them.  However, I think I'm going to have to make myself scarce, just the same.  It'll be another day without breakfast, but I value my life a little more than my stomach right now.   Raph thinks he can scare me, well, lets just see how scary he looks spinning pink sais!!! Ha!"_

Even with the humorous aspect of this entry, my heart still felt like a led weight from the previous bit of news regarding my mother.  Nevertheless, I continued to read per Splinter's request.  As I did one particular day's account stood out as the prime example of how badly I hated living in the lair.  It was rich in anger and distress.  

_"I do not know how much longer I can exist here.  Mother's death hurt so many here in the lair.  My private guilt continues to become more than I can cope with.  Father won't talk to me, my uncles are too busy with their patrolling, every one is so afraid of being discovered again by the Foot.  I hate living here!  I try to get out of the lair as much as I can despite the clan's attempt to keep me down in this horrible pit.  Their worries have frightened me.   I didn't think Ninja were supposed to be afraid, so why am I?  Why do I keep having nightmares?  All I can see in my dream is that black monster coming after me, his shuriken dripping with red, my mother's limp form on top of mine, and then my father wailing so loud it hurts my ears.  I wake up crying almost every morning!  I hate being here; I want to leave, to forget! I'm tired of crying.  I'm tired of feeling guilty.  Maybe I need to forget, to make a new life for myself.  I'm not Ninja enough to commit seppuku, maybe I can just run away somewhere.  What am I to do?"_

About a week later from that entry, I found the first account about Drial Namtsae…

_"I made a new friend on-line today.  I was just surfing the 'net to see if there was a way of getting a new life.  I really didn't expect to find anything; it's quite silly to think one can just 'get a new life'!  However, I found a website that boasts that it can create a new identity for people who want them!  Imagine that!  Out of curiosity, I sent a message through the E- address listed.  I really didn't expect that they'd respond.  In all honesty, I thought it was a hoax or a joke; a website that someone created just to have some fun.  Kind of like that Bonsai Kitten website.  Well, of all the luck, I got a reply back!!  It was from a Drial Namtsae.  He said he could help me.  Drial wrote that someone else was looking for a new life, as well and would be interested in switching with mine.   I'm kind of excited and …scared all at the same time.  Is this even possible?"_

The next few entries were about everyday events and rather boring, except to the person writing it.  However, about a week after the initial log telling about Drial Namtsae, I discovered this entry, 

_"Drial E-mailed me today.  He seems like the real deal, although I'm not sure if I could let go of all my memories.  Not all of them are bad.  Before Mother died, our family was happy and I honestly didn't have any problems with living here in the sewers."_

As I continued to read about the progression of my relationship with Drial, I felt my heart fall like an elevator out of control.  What I read next made all things very crystal clear to me.  

_"It's settled.  I'm confident that this Alicia person taking my place will indeed have my memories and I will have hers.  Amazingly, she had heard about our clan and had always wanted to live in the sewers.  I found that odd and it kind of worried me a little.  However, if it's the only way for me to leave this horrible place…  No more grief, no more walking on 'eggshells' here at home, certainly no more katas and worrying about the Foot.  My life is about to improve and I can hardly wait.  I'm glad I won't remember this place.  The way everyone treats me, good riddance!  I can only hope that this person understands what they are getting into.  Of course, she is as much in the dark about my life as I am about hers, so...I guess that evens the playing field.  Still…not to live in the sewers has to be a major plus all the way around.   I sure hope Alicia likes it here!" _

I groaned in agony!  I had left behind a written account that told who it was with that I had exchanged lives.  With just a few strokes of my pen, I had made it possible for Alicia to remember. What puzzled me, though, was how could she regain some of her old memories, but I couldn't?  Was it possible that the Emails I had yet to read would answer that question, the very mail that Donatello already knew about?  Maybe Drial had listed possible 'side effects' somewhere in them.  Maybe the one who 'spilled the beans' gained the old memories first?  Having two minds in one place would be like a living hell, in my opinion.

The last journaled thought was simple and to the point.  I felt finality, a sense of excitement and fear as I read the words.

_"This is my final entry; no more need to jot my thoughts; no more anger or worry.  I was told that the change will happen in an instant.  I know the place where I am to meet Drial and where he will give me the incantation.  If it works, I'll become Alicia.  If it doesn't…well, I know enough about poisons to take care of things.  It is as it should be – the end!"_

That was the last entry; there was no other recording of my thoughts, dreams or desires.  The subsequent pages were blank.  

I slowly closed the journal, hugging it to my plastron for comfort, knowing full well that my life as I once knew lived on the pages inside.  Yet, I remembered the curse, the promise that if what took place was made known to anyone outside of the participants, they would return to their old life.  Their current memory intact but horribly out of place in the other world.  

"Master Splinter?" I asked, knowing that even though he was meditating, Splinter was more awake than not.  

"Yes, Kira Siew?" he replied, opening his eyes and looking at me with a peace I wish I could own.

"When…um…well, when did Alicia bring you the journal?" I asked.

Splinter stretched a little to wake his body from the lengthy meditation, saying, "Six months ago.  That was when she first showed me the journal."  He looked at me with a knowing expression. "You are probably wondering why it took so long for the change to happen."

I was stunned.  It took six months to undo the exchange?  I would think that it would have been quicker than that. "Yes, I would."

He shook his head as he admitted, "It is as much a mystery to me as it is for you, I'm afraid."  Then he looked at me sadly and asked, "What price have you paid for the little bit of freedom that you've enjoyed?"

"Huh?  What?" I asked.  I was still chewing on the fact that Alicia had to live in this sewer for six months, knowing that it wasn't her real home and probably not the least bit cooperative with the way the clan did things.  Remembering that first moment right after the accident when I found myself kneeling in front of Father, I knew now that Alicia couldn't resist visiting topside during the day.  Not based on what Father had accused me of.  Yet knowing my own experience of enjoying the sunlight in the existence I had led before returning here, how could I blame her?

"What price have you paid for the decision you made a year ago?" Splinter asked again.

"I'm not sure what you mean?" I admitted ignorantly.

"Kira Siew, you have taken your life as well as another's and made life-altering changes.  For one of you, it did not end well!"

It was then that I understood what Splinter was trying to tell me.  Though I had successfully returned to my old life, though it was not of my choosing, Alicia had returned to hers and one that had probably changed dramatically.  Yet, other than my original decry when I described to the clan about my previous life, how would Splinter know what 'end' Alicia met?  I had only assumed.  

"Um…I'm not really sure how it ended for Alicia, but for me I think things have become worse." I offered.

"Worse, how can it be any worse, my child?  Have you even thought about what you did to Alicia?" his expression was now hard and unmerciful.

"What I did?  What she did was to bring that book to you!" I complained. "If she hadn't have done that I wouldn't be here in the first place!"  I was getting miffed with all the guilt that Splinter was heaping upon me.  I had been doing a good enough job of it by myself; I didn't need any help! 

The hardness of Splinter's gaze intensified and he quickly grabbed the journal from me.  He had done it so fast that I still had my hands around the area it had occupied up against my plastron.  I was amazed he could move so quickly.

"Maybe your father needs to see this!  Maybe you need to re-read the part where you agreed to this exchange!  Knowing how different we are from other people, you might have endangered our lives once again!  You met a complete stranger out in the open, Kira Siew!" His angry demeanor almost seemed out of character for him. "How could you be so selfish to do what you did and not care about what happened to us?" 

In that single moment, I realized that I had pitted my arrogance against the wisdom of the family patriarch.  

It was a bad move on my part all the way around!

It seemed that calamity and angst would continue to dog me no matter what I did!

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KUROI NEKO-kun: Yeah, but I've found that if I start a new story, the block goes away.  Unfortunately, it often returns!  With the new story, of course!  Yep, I've started another one with _"When You Least Expect It!."_.  What was I thinking????  LOL   Splinter may have become another antagonist for poor Kira.  If she had just kept her mouth shut!  Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed.

PRETENDER FANATIC: Well, like you said, there has to be 'breather' chapters.  Makes the active ones seem more so.  We do need to know what happened to Kira, though, don't we?  Can't have her getting kicked around all the time, but then maybe she needs a few swift ones, based on how this latest chapter has ended!!  :0)  Will my abuse of writing her character ever stop?  Naw…too much fun!   How fast can she grab that book back and burn it?  Ninja she may be, but Splinter is better, me thinks!  Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed.

JO DAWN: Drial Namtsae – and it's … ahem … a secret where I found it, too.  I think there will be some groans when I list the credits!  LOL  As you can tell after reading this chapter, Kira seems to make more trouble for herself, but given who she really is ( Kira ) it's probably her basic personality that's coming through, despite her best efforts!  Some things just refuse to lay dormant!  LOL  Thanks for reading and reviewing.  Be blessed.

LADY VENOM2:  Hee hee – just had to mention the 360/180 difference.  Sorry about 'flooring' you with a short chapter.  Sometimes they end that way.  I just go with the flow, as they say, until it reads like an ending.  Glad yer patient.   I'm not.  I've wrestled with this one with 4 versions.  Not sure what the problem is other than maybe because I took a different turn from where I was headed?  Hmm… Anyway, thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed.

RAMICA:  Right on – her safe harbor only lasted so long.  Poor girl!  Such torture I create for her!  LOL!   Yikes, now that Splinter is on her case, will there be any hope for her to find happiness?  Not yet anyway.   Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed.


	20. Comfort

_Disclaimer:  I do not own any TMNT's or their creators!  I only like to have fun with them!  Don't get any ideas, either!  Shame on you for thinking like that!  _

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**CHAPTER 20 - Comfort**

What is it about ill spoken words?  Once they're voiced, there isn't any way of going back and fixing them.  Apologies sound hollow when measured up against the common sense that would have helped to avoid such situations. 

It was in this position I now found myself.  I looked at Splinter and saw exactly how angry he could get.  The disappointment in his eyes cut me deeply and I wanted to look away.   I felt a fear crawl up the inside of my shell that sobered whatever argument I might consider.  He was very displeased with me for the moment.  After my selfish outburst about blaming Alicia for the reversal of the switch, Splinter looked as if he would like to take one to me!

Yet, despite my predicament, I had a gut feeling that Alicia Gordon returned to her world with a very limited future.  All things considered, I had been most fortunate by comparison.  Suddenly, I finally realized to what Splinter had been referring, the price that was paid for my little bit of freedom.  My co-exchanger might have paid her dues in her reality, but in mine, I would always know who made it possible for that to happen.  I would never be able to forget that fact, not ever.

I then felt awful about how I had carried on with him.  I guess I could sum up my reaction to the overall stress of discovering so much about my self.  A lot of it explained why I went for the exchange in the first place, but also why the clan was so negative towards me, too.  Well, at least as far as Raph was concerned.  I didn't yet have the opportunity to read about my exploits regarding Donatello and Michelangelo.  I wondered if I had even chronicled those events. 

However, I was still overwhelmed with the enormity of Splinter's posturing and the events of the past thirty hours as well.   Because of my newfound guilt, I blurted out an apology. Hugging myself and crying, I blubbered, "I'm s – so sorry…I'm so confused by e – everything…I don't want to be here anymore.  I can't stand being h - hated!" I balled.

I didn't care in that moment what Splinter thought; my cup was running over and I just couldn't take anymore.  Between the guilt trips, the lectures, and the punishments or what-have-you, I was tapped out.  However, I must have cried for a good minute before I felt a bony hand on my shoulder.  It stayed there for another five until I felt some measure of relief.  As I lifted my head up again, the other bony hand held out a tissue to me.  I took it greedily since my face was now quite wet. 

I was startled then when Splinter, his hand still on my shoulder, pulled me towards him.  I wasn't sure what he was going to do, considering how unhappy he was with me only a moment ago.  I resisted just a little out of fear.  However, I heard him make a soft chittering sound low in his throat as he beckoned me in a quiet voice, "It is all right, child.  I have no intentions of disciplining you."

With a strength that surprised me, Splinter pulled me easily into his embrace.  I allowed him only because I didn't have the will to resist.  Yet as soon as I realized he only wanted to comfort me, the tears began once again.  He stroked my head affectionately, continuing to purr as he allowed me to vent.  I mumbled more apologies, expressing regret for my actions - even though I didn't have any memories of them.  The fact that I knew I had written the journal if only because I recognized my handwriting was proof that what had happened to me was indeed true. 

Earlier, I had expressed relief that I was unable to remember the events written in the diary.  However, now I wanted more than anything to recall them.

Finally, Splinter spoke to me, his voice rich with compassion and sensitivity, "No one hates you, Kira Siew.  Though you have stretched our patience many times, everyone in the clan loves you.  You need not fear losing that!"

I sobbed quietly, but the energy to do so slowly began to abate.  Splinter continued to hold me as he caressed my scalp.  He purred as he mumbled something in Japanese.  I didn't understand him, but if I had to guess, he was encouraging me in the best way he knew how.  It was all very comforting and I needed it more than anything right then.

When he sensed that I had recovered, Splinter gently pushed me away from him.  I soon found myself sitting back down on the rug in front of him. 

"My child, your father awaits outside my door.  Though it will be very difficult for you," he handed me my journal, "you must show him this.  Tell him that he is not to destroy it.  That I request that you be allowed to keep it – for a time."

"But he won't believe me." I countered, my voice trembling at the thought of facing my father with the evidence of my transgressions.

Splinter's softened expression hardened just a little, "Remember my words _exactly_ and do not challenge me, again, Kira Siew!  Now, go to the door and open it.  Do not lower your gaze, but accept whatever visage your father deems worthy to give you!"

My eyes went wide at the suggestion and I subtly shook my head, "I'm afraid to, Master Splinter.  What if he…"

However, the rat's nose lifted up slightly as he interrupted me, "Fear is not an excuse to avoid accountability.  A true kunoichi would never be so dishonorable!  You will go this minute and open the door.  He is your father and you _must_ face him!"

Looking down at the journal in my hands, I nodded sheepishly and with much trepidation.  I clambered up to a stand, bowed low before Splinter and turned, hesitantly making my way towards the door.  I wiped my eyes, not wanting to look teary when I faced Father.  When I reached the bedroom door, I could feel a very strong presence on the other side as if it had been waiting past its threshold of patience.  It was so strong it almost overwhelmed me.  In that moment, if I could, I would have run back to Splinter's bed and tried to crawl under it.  However, I couldn't.  For one thing, I was too big to slip beneath it. 

I felt my eyes well up with tears once again at the prospect of even looking upon my father's face.  I felt so completely deflated I was surprised I had the strength to even stand. 

Yet as I touched the doorknob, the overwhelming presence on the other side seemed to have diminished in strength.  It was as if its patience and vigil was finally going to see fulfillment and knew it.  It was waiting for me.  I knew it was Father.

I slowly opened the door and found that I now faced a very irate but calm parent.  His expression was flat as he assessed me.  I knew my eyes were red from crying, it hadn't been that long ago.  I looked away, though, unable to hold his steely gaze.  I felt his eyes take in the journal and then they narrowed as if in understanding.  Looking back at me and catching my chastised glance, he nodded slightly, working the inside of his jaw as he considered his next action. 

"Kira, we need to talk." Was all he said.  His voice was low and serious.  Then he moved aside to allow me to exit Splinter's room. 

I really didn't want to.  Even though the rat was very upset with me, he still afforded me a measure of peace and acceptance.  Yet, I knew I had to obey Father.  Consequently, I stepped out into the hallway and furtively looked around.  No other member of the clan was there.  I must have been holding my breath for I let out a very long sigh of relief.  The last thing I wanted to see was the accusing stares from the others. 

"Go to Don's room, Kira." Father directed solemnly.

I wanted to protest this, to argue that the journal would have everything in it that he would want to know about.  I didn't want to go back into that room; not if there was a chance that Don was there.  I was mortified and embarrassed.  I just knew he had been reading everything that was mine.  However, I knew it would have been a waste of time.  Father's expression told me that whatever it was that he had planned, it was a done deal all the way around.

Obediently and without an opposing word, I headed for the designated room.  About the time I arrived, Raphael came out from his across the hall.  He gave me one scowling expression, a smirk of understanding of what was to come, and then he swaggered up the corridor towards the living area.   He seemed just a bit too cocky for my tastes.  I really didn't like him at all!

Don's bedroom door was opened, so I walked in.  I noticed that he was at the computer.  He heard me and looked up as Father directed me with his hand on my shoulder to sit down on a nearby chair.

"Kira, we/ve had to go through your E-mail history so we could determine the best course of action to take against this Drial Namtsae." Don explained calmly.  He did not have the angry expression that Father had but he did seem quite serious. 

"Course of action?" I asked, "What kind of action?"

"Kira, you brought a complete stranger into your life.  This act alone without the clan's sanction violates many of our rules.  You have put this family into danger." Father explained.  Looking at the journal I hugged so tightly, he asked, "May I have that please?"

I gave Father my diary and then repeated what Splinter told me to say, "Master Splinter told me that I'm to keep it – for at time.  He doesn't want you to destroy it." I explained.

Father mumbled, "Hmm….we'll see about it.  I'll speak to him later, of course, to verify what you just said."  He then sat down on the edge of Don's bed and began to thumb through the book.

I cringed as I watched him read.  The early pages weren't as bad since they dealt with many topics that were the usual entries for a pre teen.  I sat there watching him for a good half hour.  However, as he quickly made his way through my journal, bypassing the frivolous writings of wishes and dreams, he stopped near the end of the book.  I couldn't be sure but by the expression on his face I had a feeling he was reading the last of my written account.  Remembering all too well my own shock over learning about my assumed part in Mei Pei's death and the attack on our other lair, Father's look appeared stricken at the very least. 

I lowered my head and wrung my hands unconsciously, not daring to look at him any longer.  I wanted to crawl back under the desk that I had huddled beneath only a few hours ago.  It was so close to where I was sitting, too.  I knew if I moved fast enough I could make it.  Yet Splinter's words about being a kunoichi, one that espoused honor no less, repeatedly rang in my ears.  Despite the impending confrontation with Father, I was determined to stay in my chair – no matter what. 

I chanced a look to see how he was reacting to my diary.  I was surprised to find that a single tear ran down his right check.  With his head bowed, he continued to read.  I wasn't sure where he was in the book.  Yet I did know based on my own recollection of the amount of pages left that he was very near the end of my journaling.  I was sure he was reacting to my private confession about my mother's death and my responsibility with it. 

While Father read, Don was going over my E-mail account.  He was very much aware of what was going on elsewhere in his room, however.  Every now and then, he would glance over towards father, giving a worried look of concern.  Maybe Father was experiencing an emotional response to the journal and, in true ninja-fashion, Don was picking up on it.  Then, he would look over to me and raise an eye ridge, scowling just a little.  It was easy to assume that whatever my father was feeling, Donatello had keyed into it easily enough.  I just wish he'd impart some of that ability on my behalf!  I could use some of that understanding from him right about now!

Finally, Father seemed to be done.  However, after slowly closing the journal, he continued looking at it as if he were digesting all that he had just read.  I waited, not sure what to expect.  I was mortified to say the least. 

After a moment or two, he looked over at me.  A deep sadness was quite evident on his face.  He took me in with his expression as if he was seeing me for the very first time.  He swallowed apprehensively and furrowed his eye ridge as if considering what next to say to me. 

Then, Father spoke, "Kira, I had no idea.  Were you that unhappy here?"

Considering what I wrote about feeling responsible for leading the Foot to our lair and then my mother's untimely death, I felt the least of his worries should have been about my happiness. 

"I – um – really don't remember.  But, that's obviously my writing in the journal, so – yeah, I guess I was."  It was the best reply I could think of for the moment.

"I see." He replied softly.  He looked down and fingered the book a little, seemingly lost for words.  Father licked his lips and worked his jaw, grinding his teeth some as he thought.  Then, he looked over at me again, "I can't change what happened and considering what I've read and what Don has discovered, I guess we're going to have to believe you about this 'life' exchange.  Yet, how we're going to get your memories back will be a different matter all together."  He paused for a moment, gathering his words for what he would say next.  He looked down at the book once again and then back up to me, "As for being responsible for the attack on our old lair – it was not your fault.  Despite being seen in the park as you believed – and as we were aware of…."

That surprised me big time!  How did they know that I was in the park in the first place?  I had to ask, "How did you know that?  From what I read no one knew where I was."

Father smiled just a little and I could see Don doing the same as he tried to focus on the computer.  I was told, "Kira, you were never out of our sight – or our minds.  We might have lost you now and then, but you were always easily found; especially when you were upset!" Father sighed, explaining, "That night Raph had a run-in with some of the Foot and they managed to cut him.  They were already close to the lair.  The cut was a nasty one that refused to stop bleeding.  Raph had to get back home quickly to take care of it.  He tried to contain the bleeding along the way, but it only took a few missed drops of blood down the right tunnel for the Foot to find us!  It just so happened to be the same night that they saw you in the park is all.  It wasn't your fault!"

"Maybe it was!" I countered, "Maybe the Foot were close to the lair because of me!  Maybe that's why Raph had that run in with them!"

Father shook his head, "No, Kira, you're wrong.  It was well after you had returned home that this happened.  They would not follow you that well and then not take advantage of being so close.  I know them!  They had their forces already gathered; it would have been a done deal." He was getting exasperated once again with me.  I could tell by his expression that I needed to drop the subject all together. "You probably don't remember, but you had gone to your bedroom per my orders.  It was after that when Raph came home.  I don't think you even knew about his cut."  Slowly, Father concluded, "Raph felt really bad about that; blamed himself for your mother's death.  We forgave him, of course.  We decided not to tell you about it, though; you seemed to be taking the loss rather hard as it was."

I sat there and tried to believe what had I just heard.  Raph was responsible!  Yet the way he worked me yesterday it was almost as if he was exacting some sort of punishment from me.  I would have been angry with him, but how could I when I didn't even remember the event.  Yet, I still had a hard time believing that I didn't play some part in revealing the lair's location.  I wanted to, but the power of my words that I read earlier seemed to say otherwise.  Still, Father seemed so earnest in trying to convince me.  Finally, I accepted it.  So much relief washed over me I thought for sure I would crumble to a heap on the floor.  It didn't matter that I couldn't remember.  Just reading about how horrible I felt over something I believed to be my fault had let me know what I had gone through.  However, I steeled myself from reacting and just sat there, dumbfounded. 

"What now?" I managed to ask Father, my voice trembling.

He replied, "Now we're going to have to contact this Drial Namtsae.  There has to be a way to recover your memories."

This time, Don spoke up, "Kira, we're going to want you to Email him.  Now, in fact."

"Now?  But, I have homework and patrol to do with Mike later on.  When am I…?" I started to complain.

"Forget the homework.  This is more important."  Don moved aside and stood up out of the chair.  He motioned for me to take it.

Nervously, I complied, sitting down in the chair that Don had just vacated. "I'll have to read some of my outgoing messages to see how I typed things."

Don commented, "Take what time you need, but don't take too long.  We need to plan things out."

"Y- you're not going to attack him, are you?" I asked nervously.

"Kira, just do the message, okay?" Father instructed sternly.

Reluctantly, I decided not to further my inquiry.  I read some of my Email and found that they were quite straightforward in their format.  There were not too many abbreviations other than maybe 'Cya' or 'Ttfn'.   Finally, after about ten minutes of reading, I felt I was ready.

"What do you want me type?" I asked.

Father replied, "Tell him that you have regained your old memories.  Tell him you need help in removing them."

"What if he doesn't want to help, though?" I asked.

"Kira, just type the letter.  We'll cross that bridge when we get to it." Father insisted.

I went ahead and typed out the message, saying that I was miserable and needed help.  I added that I hadn't told anyone and asked if he would be able to assist me.  I had both Father and Don read the message.  When they gave me their 'seal of approval', I clicked the 'Send' button. 

Now it was only waiting game until Drial responded; if he responded, at all.  There was a chance that after the first contact when the exchange was made, he would have nothing more to do with me.  It wasn't likely that he would do that though.  Based on what I had written and what Drial's messages to me implied, my memory should not have resurfaced.  Maybe he would reply if only to help me and, thereby, protect himself in the long run.

Yet there was one nagging fear that niggled at the back of my brain. If we were successful in contacting this Drial Namtsae and if it were possible to meet with him, what were my father and Don planning on doing to him?  It was a concern I had voiced only moments ago.  Considering Father's terse reply and his obvious deviation from my inquiry, what he had planned would not go well with Drial.  Though I had no memory of meeting this person, a part of me feared for his life. 

If he had only known the danger he put himself in by having any contact with me, I think I wouldn't be in this predicament in the first place! 

**_DANCINGFAE:_**_ Sorry about exacting pleasure from your angst.__  Just couldn't help myself there!  __J__   My thoughts are always going ninja on me, too; can't keep a good one to save my life!  Yes, a lot of angles in Ch 19 that I think Ch 20 buffs out.  I think maybe Kira's life is about to either, A, improve, or, B, become more interesting.  I still need to find a way of putting some action in this story, though.  I'm glad others like it but I need an energy booster, myself!  LOL  Thanks for reading and reviewing.  Be blessed!_

**_KUROI NEKO-kun_**_: Oh, she has the entire clan, but they have things to work out, too.  So much history, so little memory of it.  Growing up is hard to do sometimes!  Kira's life will improve – some.  Bwahahah!  Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed._

_LADY VENOM2__: I struggled with Ch 19; it just seemed too ponderous to  me.  But then, there were a lot of questions that needed answering and I knew I had to otherwise – ahem – I was afraid I'd get lynched!  :0)  No, no suicide in this fic.  I'm hoping that with chapter 21 more answers and revelations will become evident.  Not sure what since I struggled with Ch 20 as it is!  It took me forever to decide what was going to happen in this latest update!  Thanks for reading and reviewing!  Be blessed._

**_RAMICA:_**_  You are so right with your review of Chapter 19!  So many of us, because we don't like the trials we are in, long to change lives with someone else.  "They must have it better because their life looks so perfect to me!"  Could this be the reason why I wrote this story?  Hmm…could be.  I've been there so I know what that's all about!  :0)  Splinter does care, as evident in Ch 20.  What Ch 21 holds for Kira, I cannot say, even if I knew.  I've shared before how I write by the 'seat of my pants', so whatever happens will be a surprise even to me!  LOL. Thanks for the encouragement about the chapter; I really stressed over it.  Thanks, too, for reading and reviewing.  Be blessed._

**_TLINGEL:_**_       Hey, great that you took the time to read the entire story!__  Terrific!  So, you're taking Karate, eh?  Gee, I envy you.  If I took it, at my age, I'd get thrown to the mat and never get back up again.  They'd have to carry me out on a gurney!  LOL  Anyway, as this story evolved I added an unseen character.  I didn't know what to call him so it just hit me to – ah – have some fun.   I thought it kind of funny, myself!  :0)  I'm not sure what you mean about 'download'.  If you mean transferring the story onto your own PC ( such as pasting it to Word Perfect or something like that ), be my guest.  I don't have a problem with that so long as you abide by the copywrites Fanfiction espouses!  Thanks, again, for reading and reviewing.  Be blessed!_

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**_PRETENDER FANATIC:_**_  Hey, for an action junky like yourself to say all of that about what I termed to be a ponderous chapter, I'm thrilled, too!  :0) wipes sweat from brow  I worried about it,  I really did.  I know we're suppose to write from our heart and not worry about what others think, but I really care about how my stories affect people.  It's in my nature; can't be helped.  Yeah, and the diaries were iffy with me, too.  Glad I scored.  I can now sleep at night!  LOL   I'm hoping to step it up a bit after Ch 20.  Had to do a confrontation between Leo and Kira and to finally get at least two of the turtles understanding where she's coming from.  Well, thanks for reading and reviewing.  Be blessed!_

**_BUSLADY OF SOCAL_**_:  Yeah, sometimes getting information beats the heck out of butt kicking, I guess!  Needed to have one like this and I'm relieved that it went over better than I had feared.  I had a good time with the name, too!  Thought it would be nice to add 'them' in a weird sort of way.  Thanks for reading and reviewing and for being my IM-ing bud!   Be _

_blessed__!_


	21. A Break in the Storm

_Disclaimer – Well, calls to E & L to buy out the TMNT's resulted in howls of laughter and giggle fits. To say I was a bit miffed is an understatement. I mean, I had millions of dollars to throw at their feet, but I guess Monopoly money doesn't go as far as it used to. Nuts…guess that means only one thing; I still don't own them – except for Kira. I do own her, lock stock and pork barrel! LOL Sorry about the wait! _

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**CHAPTER 21 – A Break In The Storm**

Dinner was a solemn event with everyone focusing on their own meal. Father had shared the truth about me earlier with the rest in a quick clan meeting. I remained in my room while he and the others convened in the dojo. The end-results were a renewed sense of understanding from them towards me. It felt good for a change to be out from under the weight of everyone's condemnation, but the dye had been set as far as Raphael was concerned.

I still didn't like him! When dinner was called and I came out of my room, we nearly bumped into each other. I didn't say anything at first, but the expression on his face was unreadable, almost condescending in nature. I then mumbled something of an apology while he grunted in reply, and then Raph motioned for me to lead the way – which I resisted doing. However, the glare he gave me when I refused pretty much told me to reconsider. Consequently, I obliged and headed for the kitchen, albeit very uneasily knowing that Raphael was following me. Though I couldn't be absolutely sure, I sensed that he was sizing me up, probably wondering if what Father had told him earlier was the truth or just an elaborate lie.

As I took my seat between Don and Raphael's, Raph remained reticent and distant towards me. It was quite possible that Father told him about my knowing how he had unintentionally led the Foot to our old lair. Considering the clan did not keep secrets from each other, I was sure of this. I suppose it would be to my benefit that he would know. At least, now, if I reacted in bitterness or anger, Raph would understand where it was coming from and be able to deal with it.

Quite honestly, I didn't feel one way or the other about it, only because my lack of memory took away whatever feelings I had for Mei Pei. I was sure, though, that if I had my memory, Raph would not be getting off so easy with me!

Now, as we ate our meal, it seemed that everyone was silently digesting this bit of news about me. Splinter, from where he sat at the table, would occasionally look over my way with a saddest expression on his face. His eyes seemed distant in thought. I wondered if maybe he was assessing my time with him earlier or possibly a future time in his presence. Either way I tried not to catch his gaze. Though Splinter was compassionate, I knew I had endangered the clan and, despite Father's insistence, as far as I was concerned it was the second time, too.

During the meal, Mike nodded once towards me as if accepting things for what they were. His easy-going smile was at the ready and I received the distinct impression that, for what it was worth, he was trying to bolster me in some way. Yes, I think finally things for me had taken a turn, but I wasn't too sure if that was a good thing, yet, or not. At least I was receiving an occasional smile from someone!

Father told me when dinner was over that patrol for the evening had changed. Depending on Drial Namtsae's reply to my inquiry, his response of lack of would determine the clan's next move. Don released me from having to do the homework, too; satisfied that my memory was Alicia's and that Kira's was no longer apart of me. He did imply, however, that as soon as things returned to normal, with or without my old memories, school would intensify! With all I had gone through so far, I thought it quite bearable.

After dinner and after helping Father clean up the kitchen – it was his turn this time – he took me down to the dojo.

"Kira," he turned towards me once he had me in the center of the room, "you need to refresh yourself with your skills before this evening's patrol. I know for a fact that your body remembers ninjitsu; you proved that the other night."

"But, if I can't remember how to execute the moves, how can I make my body do what it needs to do?" I whined. I knew that Father was the better ninja in the clan, though at Don and Raph had proven to be close equals to him. Mike could intimidate me, proven by example, and I was sure he was just as skilled in the 'arts as the others. Yet to have Father instruct me deliberately seemed all too overwhelming!

"Don't worry about telling your legs and arms what to do. Just react, that's all you have to do!" he smiled at me.

Consequently, for the next three hours Father's approach to rekindling my recollections was to walk me slowly through certain katas. Then, after several repetitions, he would have me speed them up; all the while following me in like manner. "Think of it as dancing, Kira, okay? You're only learning dance steps." He encouraged.

In my old life as Alicia, I had loved to go club dancing. Swing was one of my favorites and I had learned quite readily the different steps required to do the style of dance well. I could only assume that Father understood humans and what they enjoyed doing regarding recreation. Maybe he had known a few people in his time and learned from them. Either way, once he told me to regard the kata movements as dance steps, it seemed to help. Before long, I was picking up the different moves more readily and executing them nearly as fast as Father was showing me. I felt good about it, too. I think Father did as well because after I had successfully completed a difficult set, he smiled at me!

The first hour went by faster than I had realized; I was starting to enjoy what I was doing. Maybe it was because the pressure of being 'Kira of old' was no longer hounding me. Regardless, I found my self more relaxed as I succeeded with each task my sensei set before me. I was finding my rhythm.

The next hour dealt with handling the bo-staff. Father felt that considering my lack of memory, giving me the least lethal weapon was a wiser course of action. I was quite happy to abide with his decision, too. The katana swords gave me an instant nightmare while the sais just gave me the willies. As far as the nunchukus were concerned, I could just see me knocking myself out with an errant swing from them and thereby settling the question whether I'd be going out on patrol later or not! After I reasoned away all the other weapons, the bo-staff looked very inviting indeed.

The second hour focused mainly on executing proper handling of the bo-staff. There was one kata that Father had me work with repeatedly. It was easy at first, but as it progressed through, I started to find it quite difficult. The Sakugawa no Kon, when done swiftly and precisely, could be a very deadly and defensive force. Father demonstrated how it was to be done in battle and I was quite impressed with him, to be sure. However, he took the first time through slowly, showing me the different steps and his precise handling of the bo. It was almost like ballet the way he executed the kata and nearly flawless.

Then, he gave me a wink, saying, "Now, for obvious reasons if you find yourself in battle, you would not be taking these steps so exactly or as slow." He immediately launched into a whirlwind of activity!

I stepped back, startled, as he cut the ninety seconds it took him to do his first set of the Sakugawa no Kon down to ten! I just stood there slack-jawed and impressed. "There isn't any way I can do that!" I stammered in shock.

"Yes, you can and you have!" Father replied, cocking his head at me and smiling. "You just can't remember. However, by the end of this hour, you will!"

I wasn't so sure about that. Yet, I had to trust him since the previous hour had shown me that it was possible to re-learn with out my old memories to help me.

I started with the bo in a vertical position, holding it upright along my right side with it gripped on the inside of my right hand. Then, I turned it, using my left hand for momentum, like a windmill in front of me. I completed a three-hundred sixty degree turn around, ending up with the bo in its original position and steadied at the top with my left hand. The next movement had me swinging my left foot just a little in front of my right and then pulling back around to the left quickly, forcing my body to turn in that direction, all the while keeping my bo-staff upright and straight. Then, I had to bring my right foot back to where it had been before, only a little more in front of that point, which forced my body to turn in that direction as well. Bending my right knee and keeping the left foot back for balance, I manipulated the bo-staff as if I were rowing a boat, stepping forward a couple of times as I advanced upon Father. He was my focal point. I then did the 'row' maneuver twice and swung the bottom of the staff up, over, and then down and forward, ending the bo at a point that would have targeted an adversary's head or face. My next move had me swinging the opposite end around violently from my left side as if aiming for my target's knees or legs. I did that twice. Following through, I brought the opposite end up, then down and forwards as if to further disable by hitting the shoulders or, again, the head.

I continued with the rest of the kata with its dozen or more additional moves. It soon became abundantly clear, though, that any weapon handled correctly, whether it was a bo-staff or katana sword, could maim or even kill. I was impressed and intimidated all at the same time!

By the end of that hour, although I wasn't even half as fast as Father was, I was able to get through the exercise in less than thirty seconds! I was elated – and tired!

Father was beaming! "I think at the end of the week, certainly by your birthday, you should be up to your regular speed, Kira!" He grabbed me in a hug and embraced me with a strength that I thought for certain would snuff the air right out of me. "I'm so proud of you. For all that we've put you through these past couple days to do as well as you are doing is quite an accomplishment!" He then quickly kissed my forehead for emphasis.

We rested after that, sitting down against one of the walls. Father told me what the next hour would entail. "I want you to work on going ninja, Kira. That's what we'll focus on next. Without that ability, you would find it difficult to get around outside the lair. That and learning to be silent- including how you walk!" he shot me a mild look that brought back my experience with him in the sewer tunnels. "You were way too noisy, you know!" he chided me. Then, his smile returned, "But I do have to admit, I did get a lot of amusement scaring the daylights out of you!" He chuckled right about then and grabbed me in another bear hug. I had to smile; his good mood was starting to become contagious.

Father's current composure was very different to what I knew of him since 'arriving'. He seemed more relaxed. Maybe the problem for him regarding me was trying to understand me. I suppose it can be quite frustrating to have a loved one seeming to be hell-bent-for-leather to upend the peace and harmony of a family unit. Considering I was at a loss in the beginning as to why I ended up in this reality, I had to relate! As I thought about that and then compared it to my present situation in the dojo, I just had to ask him.

"The way you are now, compared to earlier - is this the way things used to be before Mei … ah…Mother died?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, looking at me with his eye ridges pressed together.

"Well, you've been rather …um….assertive with me up until now. Quite honestly, you terrified me." I cringed inside for being so honest. I rather liked this new version of him, but I didn't really know him well enough to understand what would set him off. So far, I found that it didn't take much!

Father looked at me thoughtfully, a small smile growing bit by bit on his face. He had taken his mask off to wipe away the perspiration from his forehead. He now held it in his hands, fiddling with the tails. He nodded just a little as if affirming my observations and then replied, "I'm sure I did terrify you; that was the point. I had tried so many other avenues to get through to you but I had run out of options. Intimidation was my last resort." He studied me for a moment, I'm sure to assess my reaction. Then, he continued, "Yet, what we now know about you and what actually happened, I've concluded that Alicia, for the most part, was the one primarily responsible for your misconduct, not that there were times you didn't test me before your change!"

He looked away, wistful as he recalled those events, "I just couldn't understand why she would venture topside during the daylight hours when we taught her…ah, taught you otherwise." He looked at me again, saying, "I can only imagine the frustration she must have felt, knowing what she did about her other life, then having to live below ground without the privilege of sunshine and going where she pleased. If we had known, well, I don't think it would have made much difference. She was still you. It's perfectly obvious that adhering to certain topside rules was imperative, if only to keep her and the rest of the clan safe!"

Then, he slipped his mask back on and stood up, offering me his hand as an assist. I took it willingly and found myself instantly whisked up to a stand. The momentum startled me, causing me to giggle out loud just a bit. Father laughed with me, grabbed me in yet another hug, whispering to me, "I love you, Kira! I think your mom would be proud of you right now!"

When he pulled away from me, I saw his eyes glisten over just a little, but then he composed himself for the next task.

The last hour didn't go as well as the first two. Apparently, where it concerned 'going ninja', it was mental strength more than a physical one. My body might have been used to doing the different katas and wielding the bo, but walking silently and so quickly, that it defied logic took an attitude. By whatever measure I was able to do it before when I had my memories, I was at a loss now.

"Kira, you need to just focus on where you want to be, think about it and focus. Then, imagine that you are already there and you will be!" Father instructed.

I tried, I really did, but he beat me each and every time. I was able to silence my steps, though, so at least I accomplished that much. However, my sensei seemed disappointed about the other aspect of my training.

"I guess we'll be working a little more on that in the days to come, won't we?" Father suggested soberly.

"I'm sorry, Father. I tried, but it's just too difficult." I lamented.

"Hmm… Well, at least your steps are quieter! Maybe after this Drial Namtsae problem is over, all of us can work with you on it. Sometimes going through it as a group can help." He then smiled at me, "However, I think, over all, you did rather well. Now, I believe we need to see if you've received a reply back from our mystery person!"

With that, Father led the way out of the dojo and to Donatello's bedroom.

"Ah, timing is everything…we just hit pay dirt!" Don exclaimed as we walked into his room.

"He replied?" I asked, astonished.

"Yep and it appears as if he's believed you. Wants to meet you tomorrow night at Turtle Pond." Donatello chuckled a little bit, "I wonder if maybe he picked that spot out of irony?"

Father smiled a little bit at what Donatello said and then he turned to me, "Well, it looks like patrol will resume tonight as usual. You and Mike will be taking the eleven to two shift, so you have about two hours until then. Why don't you go grab a nap, okay?" He squeezed my shoulder affectionately, "I think you'll do well this evening!"

I wasn't going to argue; I was beat. Between all that transpired since morning, I felt as if I had packed an entire week of events into just one day. If my experience the other night on patrol with Father gave me any indication of what to expect, I knew I had to be fully aware of my surroundings. A nap sounded perfect.

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I didn't recognize the room, not at all in fact. It was white, with a bed covered in white sheets and a thermal blanket. The bed itself looked very institutional, as if it were a hospital bed. There was a heart monitor and a couple of IV hook-ups with IV bags dispensing their liquid down a clear tube and into the arm of the patient occupying the bed. The person was sleeping, or maybe unconscious, but she looked very familiar to me, as if I should know her. I saw her eyes flutter just a little, almost as if she were trying to wake up, but couldn't. Her face was partially bandaged with her head completely covered in bindings. What skin was exposed was bruised and swollen. Unlike the rest of her, the girl's eyes were unaffected. She had one leg in a cast that stretched from her foot all the way up to her thigh. Her leg was held up above the bed in a sling that kept it stationary while the white blanket covered the rest of her.

Where I was standing, I could see that the window drape had been closed shut. The artificial lighting provided enough illumination to bathe the room with a soft glow. For all I knew, it was evening time.

The girl gave out a soft moan and mumbled something; I couldn't make out what she was trying to say but before I could even consider that, a nurse swept in carrying a clipboard. She completely ignored me as if I wasn't even there and went over to the heart monitor. After studying the monitor and the IV bags, she wrote on the clipboard. Then, she went over and looked at the patient. I watched as she observed the girl. I tried not making a sound for fear of distracting her from her job. Then, just before she turned away, the girl mumbled again. This seemed to create quite a stir with the nurse, who furiously wrote something on the clipboard. Curious as to what she wrote, I carefully made my way over to her. She appeared unable to see me as I tip-toed closer. Finally, I could read what she wrote. It seemed to be a chart of some kind, maybe to assess the progress of the patient. The nurse had logged in her vitals for that visit but then added, 'Patient Moved' in bold letters and then the time of the activity.

However, as I took advantage of my position and being able to read this girl's chart, I looked at the heading. What I read nearly made me collapse. There at the top of the chart was the patient's name. I started to hyperventilate and had all I could do to keep from screaming. I shook my head in denial, not wanting to believe it and then, just as I thought I would surely break down and lose it completely, I woke up.

I lay there on my bed trembling from the dream. I saw that I was back in the sewers. However, was it a dream that I just had? It all seemed so real as if I had just paid a visit to that hospital room and was now back in my own bedroom. If it was just a dream, then maybe it was my subconscious helping me to cope with my guilt. Yet, if it wasn't a dream, then - strange as it may sound - somehow I knew that Alicia Gordon was not dead but alive, severely injured maybe, but alive just the same!

I didn't know whether to be happy or if I should be very concerned. Just the same, I began to feel quite nauseous, so much so that I couldn't get out of my bed and out of my room fast enough for the bathroom. Once there, I ended up losing my dinner completely.

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KUROI NEKO-kun: Yeah, I thought giving her a breather was in order. I may turn out to be the best, it may not. Depends on DN at Turtle Pond! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Be blessed.

PRETENDER FANATIC: Ah, sometimes rehash is better than cold hash!! LOL Anyway, I needed to get Leo to a point of believing Kira so some 'upswing' in her situation can happen. Not sure how this latest chapter panned out; I've been going through severe writer's block like no other! I finally have updated ALL my on-going stories! Whoppee! Maybe DN will be in the next chapter? Hmm…. Well, thanks for reading and reviewing! Be blessed.

TLINGEL – Well, I can credit my kids for getting me into it initially back in the 1990's. Then, TMTN Archive and Fanfiction.net for rekindling my interest in them. However, I beat your age by 11 years! Yep…all I need now are grandchildren so I can validate my watching the current TMNT Saturday morning shows! Hey, since you're proficient in the 'arts, maybe you can assess how I described the kata in this story? I'd really appreciate it. I found a site that shows about twenty katas on an online video! It's really cool. I know – checks my belt collection – nothing about the arts! I have a couple of black belts that I sometimes wear with my dress pants and maybe one brown belt that I tease my kitty with. So, I'd be toast if I ever had to defend myself. I've thought about taking karate or some other form of self defense, but at my age, I'd get thrown and have to be carried out on a stretcher! LOL Anyway, I think I've hinted at Alicia a bit here – somewhat, at least as far as dreams go. I love Lady Rane's Midnight Cry, too, although I hae yet to read all of it. I do keep up with the updates, though. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Be blessed.

DANCINGFAE – Hey, you love my stories, you really do? Cool!! They frustrate the heck out of me – especially when I'm hit with dreaded writer's block...GAH!! Action? In a TMNT story? Surely you jest? LOL Well, I'm hoping for some, too. I'm starting to fall asleep just typing the chapters out. Anyway, thanks for your kind thoughts and for reading and reviewing! Be blessed.

RAMICA – Yes, we often take ourselves too seriously to where we feel responsible for more things than we need to. I'm hoping to get Kira to the end of that dark tunnel where the light begins. Splinter's compassion and now Leo's love for Kira – I hope I did both justice with this chapter. However, I need to kick up the momentum a bit. Thanks for reading and reviewing, as always, and be blessed!

BUSLADY OF SOCAL – Ah, well, the question if Raph is responsible or Kira – or both – may or may not be answered. Depends on other things. Turtle Pond will definitely provide some answers – or not? Hmm…hard to say since I haven't a clue what's up next! Kira doesn't like Raph, but I can't say that even her feelings will stay that way or not. I'm sooooo evil! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Be blessed.


	22. Confusion As If I'm Not Already?

_DISCLAIMER: Don't own them. Simple. Need more proof? Next time you watch the TMNT cartoons, check for Reinbeauchaser. You won't find that name ANYWHERE!!! Yep, I'm broke, so don't sue._

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CHAPTER 22 – CONFUSION – AS IF I'M NOT ALREADY?

I stayed in the bathroom for a good ten minutes until I felt I could stand up without the need to 'hurl'. I felt better but only marginally. The dream still haunted me. Since I decided that keeping secrets from the clan was not a good idea, I told Father about my dream soon after leaving the room. At the very least, he might be able to help shed some light on it.

I found him sitting in his bedroom, just finishing with meditating. He knew almost immediately that something was wrong.

"Kira, you look – terrible! Are you all right?" he came over to me and led me to one of the two chairs in his room. He took the other one, sat down, and waited.

"No, I'm not." I replied weakly, fidgeting just a little in my seat. I wrung my hands anxiously, not knowing what he would make of my dream, yet I knew I had to tell him. I then gulped deeply to ward off another 'hurl' attack and launched into my dream.

After I told him, he looked at me very thoughtfully. His expression was unreadable at first and then, when he closed his eyes for just a moment, it changed to almost a deep sadness. Finally, he opened them again and looked at me.

"Kira, I think what you had wasn't a dream. I believe you still have some sort of a connection with this Alicia Gordon." He paused as he analyzed me for just a moment and then he said, "It's possible she called you there."

I was stunned, "How can that be, though? I don't understand."

He smiled compassionately, "Well, sometimes if the mind refuses to accept what is real, it will hold on to that which is not – that is if the person feels the unreal is real."

"Huh?" I was so confused.

"Well, if you believe the lie is the truth and the truth is the lie, then what do you believe?" he asked me.

"Well, I guess then the lie is what's real to the person who believes it….oh…I see, now." It took a moment, but I then understood. "Do you think that Alicia is aware of being in the hospital, then?" I asked.

"Possibly, but she has your old memories, so she's probably confused. In her comatose state, her mind is in turmoil. She might hear voices she doesn't recognize. Your 'dream state' allows her to call to you or to the life she thought she had; maybe that's the netherworld where the two of you share a common connection."

"Kind of weird, though. It's still hard to understand." I admitted. "So, what does this mean for either of us? Will we be together like this forever? Drial didn't say anything in his E-mails about this at all."

What I had read of his messages, there wasn't any kind of disclaimers regarding adverse side effects of this nature or anything else for that matter. Except for having our life exchanges reversed if any of us 'spilled the beans', the process was suppose to be hassle free. Unless…

"Could Alicia's current situation and the fact that she caused the reversal have anything to do with this?" I asked him.

"Hmm…it's possible. The mind is mostly unknown territory. We can access certain areas of it that the common person can't, simply because of our meditative training. It's quite possible that this is what's keeping the two of you connected." Father surmised.

"So, to break the connection…" I asked, but then my father interrupted me.

"One of you may have to die." My father said somberly. He looked at me fully and took me in, as if he knew the very reaction I would have – and he was right.

"Alicia can't die, Father, she just can't!" I moaned, "Neither can I. Yet, I don't want to look forward to her visit every night, either." I held onto myself desperately, "I can't have these dreams every night, it'll drive me crazy!"

Father stood up and came over to me. He stooped down, leaning in and holding me and held me as I cried. He said softly, "Unless, my dear, you decide to accept it! At the very least, you might be able to tell her what happened. It may very well be what she needs to hear. Where she read about the switch, she may need some answers that only you can provide."

I nodded in agreement, though I didn't know how I could communicate with someone who – even in my dreams – was comatose!

"So how do I talk with someone who can't?" I asked.

"Hmm…maybe Master Splinter could shed some light on that one!" he said, smiling at me. Father stood up and offered me his hand. I took it and allowed him to pull me out of my chair. He led me out of his room and down the hall to the rat's bedroom. After knocking softly, Father waited.

Soon we both heard Splinter's welcome, "Yes, Leonard, you may enter."

Father gently opened the bedroom door and bowed respectfully before entering. I did likewise and followed him in. We both stood before the master and waited.

"You are troubled, Kira Siew. Please, sit before me. Leonardo, you may stay, but you are allowed to continue standing if you choose. Otherwise, you may take the other chair."

"I am fine just standing, Sensei." My father answered softly.

"Good." Splinter smiled.

I immediately sat on the rug before the rat. He then he looked down at me from his chair. "You had a dream, correct?" he asked.

I was amazed, but then maybe I shouldn't have been. Either way, I replied, "Yes and it has disturbed me."

"As well it should." His smile sobered just a little. "I have been having similar dreams where Alicia has called for me. She knows that you have her memories, but she doesn't understand why she is in a hospital." He paused to look at me a little more intently. Finally, he said, "Since you were responsible for the reason why her body ended up where it is I felt it best for you to explain it to her."

I was dumbstruck. He'd been carrying on a regular relationship with this girl, who had MY memories, 'talking' with her and maintaining some connection with her. Yet, until now, he hadn't said anything about it. "Why, though, why didn't you just tell her about the accident?" I begged.

"As I said, it's your responsibility!" Splinter reiterated sternly.

"Well, okay…how do I …ah…do this, then?" I asked sheepishly.

"When you finish your patrol tonight, you will return to my room and the two of us will meditate on this. Together we will go to Alicia – provided she is still among the living in her world." Splinter said evenly.

"Among the living? Is…is she going to die?" I asked worriedly.

"She may…her chi is very weak and the doctors hold very little hope for her." The rat's tail swished slowly as if expressing the somber mood of its owner, "But she is strong mentally – she has your memories – and I have encouraged her to meditate on that."

He sat silent for a few minutes while I took in what he had just told me. She might die, he said and, then, what? Would her memories or – more to the point – my memories be lost forever? On the other hand, would they return to me and replace the ones I have currently? So many questions with answers that seemed elusive; it was all very frustrating for me.

Finally, the rat said, "Now, I want you to think no more of this but to focus on the task at hand. You have patrol in a little while. I think it best if you go into your room and meditate in preparation."

I wanted to stay longer and I guess my feelings were strong enough for Splinter to sense. He looked at me with a kind expression and then said, "Later we can meditate together, but for now you must do so on your own."

Actually, I didn't want to 'do so on my own'; what if Alicia called out to me? Without Splinter there to assist, I wouldn't know what to do. I was scared. If he could sense it, he didn't let on. Father touched my shoulder, which was his signal for me to rise up and leave.

Once we were out of the Master's room, I opened up to Father, "What if she contacts me, what am I going to do? What if I'm back in that hospital again? How can I…." All of my insecurities tumbled out in a rush. Father placed his finger on my lips to hush me.

"Don't worry about it, Kira. If it happens, remember this…many comatose patients are aware of their surroundings. Just – talk to her. You don't have to expect a reply, just let her know that you are there. You might be surprised!" he smiled at me and then gently pushed me towards my room.

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I sat on my bed in the lotus position, my arms resting comfortably on my legs with my back straight and my head level. I concentrated on relaxing, breathing evenly and slowly. I thought about patrol duty and wondered how it would go. I silently hoped that it would be uneventful – but I doubted it. Nighttime seemed to bring out the worse element of society as a whole. Then I thought about Alicia and her situation. The guilt I felt for that was still there in my mind, but I had decided there wasn't much I could do about it. Finally, I remembered that keeping the mind clear of disturbing thoughts was crucial to successful meditation. I relaxed once again and dipped deeper into my meditation.

After an undeterminable amount of time, I was back in that dreaded hospital room again. I was disappointed. I had hoped it wouldn't repeat itself, but knew that if Splinter connected with Alicia in this manner, chances were good that I would, too!

This time, however, there were other people in the room, a lot of them in fact. It was almost as if everyone Alicia knew had come out to pay last respects. I was frightened for her. Yet, as I looked at these people, their faces initially faded out, I wondered about them. I moved closer to them, knowing that they wouldn't be able to see me or sense my presence. They were huddled together, some with arms around each other, some were crying.

I then looked over at the patient in the bed and saw that she was still alive, her breathing labored, but she _was_ still _alive_! I went over to her and looked closely at her face. It wasn't as bruised, it seemed, almost as if it was healing. Yet, she had a paler complexion than the last time I had seen her. Was she – dying?

I panicked and turned towards the knot of people once again. This time, their faces weren't so faded. It was as if in that moment it was time for me to see who they were. One of them turned around, then two more, finally revealing to me who they were. I recognized them almost immediately. They were my family! My mother and father, my siblings – all of them were there. Tears welled up in my eyes as I looked upon them for the first time in days. It had seemed more like weeks or months to me, but I knew it had only been days. I wanted to call out to them, but suddenly an unfamiliar yet familiar voice called out to me.

"Alicia, is – that you?"

I looked down and saw that Alicia's eyes opened – and they were looking straight at me! She had spoken to me, but she had called me by her name.

"You mean Kira, right?" I corrected her, trying to sidestep my surprise and get to the heart of the matter. "I have you memories, but that's all."

"No, I _mean_ Alicia. You are Kira in body but in mind you are Alicia." She insisted. She then smiled at me.

I looked up expecting her family to come running to her bedside, to see this amazing turnaround. However, they acted as if she was still comatose. I looked back down at the girl in the bed and saw to my disappointment that she was again asleep.

"Wait, please, what do you mean that I'm Alicia?" I pleaded. "Alicia was supposed to have returned to her body!" I was near to panicking, not wanting to believe that this one in the bed still had my consciousness. That wasn't what I had come to understand from Splinter.

Yet, she didn't reply or wake up or even open her eyes. She was comatose once again. What did this mean? If she died, then would that mean she would die with part of me inside of her? I would then be left with – what?

It was all so confusing! Yet, before I could contemplate what to do next, I was once again in my room, awake, and hearing Mike call for me from out side my bedroom door.

"Hey, sleepyhead, time for patrol!" he chirped.

All I could do, however, was sit on my bed and tremble in confusion.

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_LADY VENOM2: Ah, sometimes it's risky to do an info chapter – I think I said that not too long ago, hmm… Anyway, glad this worked for you and that you liked it! Sorry for the much longer wait for chapter 22. Writer's block is the pits. I have the gusto for some of my fics, but not for others. Very frustrating. This one is a little convoluted, so it's a bit challenging for me. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Be blessed._

_VESTQUEX: Ah, the 100th review! You did get my award, right? Yeah, I know you did. Congrats! Hey, love your enthusiasm, too! It's very catching. LOL Glad you're enjoying the story and my apologies for taking so long to update – again! Very complicated fic and WB hit again. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Be blessed. _

_DANCINGFAE: HA! Well, either the bathroom or her bed; you choose! LOL Action? What's action? I'm hoping for a bit more of that with the next chapter. Patrol duty, ya know! I didn't want to mix it up with this one, kind of keep the two 'flavors' separated a bit. As for the 'moves', I found a website that has a video play by play of around fifteen katas, some involving bo staffs, others just hand/foot things. Leo needed to re-connect with Kira emotionally. Sometimes he's portrayed as harsh but I think he's more multifaceted than that. Well, thanks for enjoying the stories. I love writing them! Thanks, too, for reviewing. Be blessed._

_PRETENDER FANATIC: Yeah, for some reason almost all of my stories have dreams in them at one point – except for Free. Then again, maybe The Cat is having a dream? Naw, did that one already. Anyhew…had to get some understanding and peace in the lair eventually. Patrol coming up with the next chapter. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Be blessed._

_KUROI NEKO-KUN: Ah, Raph is more externally intimidating. I think there's a lot of misunderstanding and insecurity on Kira's part regarding him. Oh, there are still a few more chapters where a whole lot of wrong can happen re: Kira! Just wait and see! Thanks for reading and reviewing. Be blessed!_

_RAMICA: Leo isn't going soft as much as he understands the situation a little better. I mean, the poor girl hasn't a clue what's going on and he's been expecting her to know. He now realizes that with Alicia's memories, Kira can't be held accountable – or, can she? Hmm…after this chapter who knows. It'll be interesting to see what comes of this situation, especially at Turtle Pond…Oh, and it really is called that, too! Mapquest is so cool for these little facts! LOL Thanks for reading and reviewing. Be blessed!_

_BUSLADY OF SOCAL: Ah, but I like making my readers suffer! It's fun! And, you now know, if you didn't know before, that Turtle Pond is a real pond in Central Park. It's located at the north/eastern side of the park, or – if you go to mapquest, at the top. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Be blessed. _


	23. Unabridged Over Troubled Waters

**_DISCLAIMER_**_: Sorry about the long wait between updates. WB took root on this story ( writers block ). Nope, still don't own them, though I love to tweak their world from time to time. TMNT's belong to Eastman & Laird and whoever else has ties to them. I only own Kira and Alicia. _

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CHAPTER 23 – Unabridged Over Troubled Waters

Mike greeted me with a smile as I finally came out of my room, "Hey, you okay there, Kira?" he asked, cocking his head to one side.

"Yeah, bad meditation dreams." I replied weakly. I had stopped trembling, but I guess my expression still showed the strain of what I had just experienced with Alicia. I decided not to bore Mike with the details, as I much preferred sharing my experience with Splinter later on after patrolling.

"Hey, I've had them myself. Guess it pays not to fall asleep, eh?" he laughed. Then, he motioned me towards the dojo, "Need to fetch yer weapon, Kira."

He followed me into the workroom and then watched as I walked over to the display case. Without thinking, I grabbed up a bo staff and then took the belt holder that went with it. After wrapping the belt around my middle and securing it in the front, I took up the staff. I then slipped it over and behind me, blindly threading it through the loop that kept it steady against my shell. I was so deep into thinking about what I had dreamt or meditated on that I hadn't been paying attention to what I was doing. I was on remote, it seemed, but what was startling was the fact that I had slipped my gear on as if I had been doing it for years. However, I was oblivious to all of it until I turned around and noticed Mike staring at me.

"What?" I asked him impassively.

"Do you know what you just did, Kira?" he inquired, a small smile spreading across his face.

"Ah, I think I put my utility belt on and then slipped the bo staff in its holder. Isn't that what I was supposed to do?" I was completely daft to Mike's implications.

"Yeeeaaah – and all within a few seconds, too. You did it so quickly and fluidly, it's almost like you're regaining your memories!" He just stood there with his hands on his hips, grinning at me.

"But I can only remember putting the equipment on once before tonight, though." I replied, puzzled as I realized the truth to Mike's words. "How can I just do it as if it were all natural?"

Mike chuckled in amusement, suggesting, "It's possible that the more you work the katas and the equipment, the more your memory will return." He studied me for a moment, clearly entertained by my confusion, but then he invited, "Com'on, we need to get going. Leo returned over thirty minutes ago and we need to start doing our patrolling."

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Patrolling the sewers with Mike was completely different than it was with Father. For one, Mike didn't disappear on me only to jump out from a shadow later on to scare the living shell off of me. Second, he wasn't nearly as cautious. In fact, he was rather on the loud side with his chatter compared to what Father would allow. Mike joked around quite a bit and, in fact, most of his musings were a little lame.

"Say, if you crossed a bureau with a plaid coat, what would'ya get!" Mike asked cheerfully as we made another tour through the Bleeker Street sewer system.

Rolling my eyes for the umpteenth time, I replied my usual, "Haven't a clue."

"A really bad dresser!" Mike slapped his thigh and barked out a laugh so loud, that I thought for sure Father could hear him way back at the lair.

"Aren't we supposed to be quiet or something?" I asked him, looking around as if any minute some bad guy would jump out at us. I noticed that the depression in the center of the tunnel had more water running than normal. Fortunately, it was deeper there that where we were walking, allowing Mike and I to tread relatively dry, all things considered.

"Naw, it's raining topside, Foot activity will be down quite a bit. They hate the sewers when it rains." Then, looking back at me he asked, maintaining his pace through the sewers, "Why're you so jumpy?"

"Well, to be honest, just the idea of fighting bothers me. Plus, Father was really strict about not making any noise, not to mention he seemed to enjoy playing hide and scream with me." I complained.

"Hide and – scream?" Mike asked and then offered, looking at me with a puzzled expression, "Don't 'cha mean hide and seek?"

"Nope, hide and scream. Father would hide, then he'd jump out at me, and then I'd scream!" I had to smile at my little joke. Yet, the memory of my first patrol was still too fresh on my mind for anything more than just that small smile.

Mike, however, thought it uproariously funny. His infectious laugh echoed down through the sewer tunnel as we trudged along. It was a reminder to me that sounds could travel quite a ways within the concrete tubes below New York City. I cringed a little, wondering if the Foot indeed avoided the rain or maybe they would make an exception just for tonight. If the later turned out to be true, my partner just sent his regards. Mike caught my apprehension easily enough, though, "Hey, chill out, girlie. Nothin's gonna get ya down here." He slapped me on the back of my shell and did a little skip. Mike then nodded in the direction we were heading, "Maybe you'd like ta get some fresh air, eh?"

Oh, _now_ my interest picked up considerably. I hadn't seen the light of day – or the dark of night – in over forty-eight hours! Mike's suggestion lightened my mood quite a bit and I guess it was quite obvious to him. "Say, I must have hit the jackpot with you! Well, what're we waiting for? Let's go!" He then gently took my arm and led me along down a different tunnel.

After about ten minutes or so of walking and making one more directional change, the tunnel we were in opened up to a catch basin of sorts. The basin was filling with water but dispensing just as quickly as it funneled its wet collection away from the sewers. I could see that the basin was rather long and not as high up the sides as one would expect. Observing further, I saw that it took a bend to the right about fifty yards from the opening of the sewer, possibly channeling out towards the ocean or maybe to a processing plant. As we walked closer to the opening, I could tell that it was still raining just a little. However, the night seemed brighter than I expected. Possible the clouds were reflecting the glow of the city lights. Either way, what did impress me was how fresh the air was at that part in the tunnel. It was intoxicating for me to say the least! Unfortunately, we couldn't go any further than the opening all because of the metal grating that barred our way.

I looked up and saw trees! I smiled wide and the sight and then I saw grass that peeped over the edge of the concrete walls of the basin. "Is there any way to get up there?" I asked my co-patroller.

"Ah, yeah, there is, but I don't think we should. Right now, we're only patrolling the sewers. It's safer that way." Mike replied, maybe too soberly for what he had been like earlier.

"Don't any of you go topside?" I asked, turning to face him.

Mike shrugged a little, "When we need supplies."

I was disappointed and I guess it showed, because Mike reached over and squeezed my shoulder, saying, "Ever since your mom was killed, Kira, we stay as much in the sewers as we can. Yeah, we did venture out whenever you took off, but going topside on a regular basis has proved to be more risk that its worth."

I looked back at the beckoning outdoors, taking in as much of the fresh air as I could. "Feeling the grass again would be so nice." I mused quietly. "I – I miss it so much."

Mike nodded but then jerked his head back to the interior of the tunnel, "Come on, we still have about two hours left to patrol."

Dejectedly, I complied, taking one last longing gaze at the rainy outside, one last large breath of the fresh air before turning back around to follow my patrol partner. It was only about ten minutes later and deeper into the sewer system when Mike became quiet. His abrupt silence piqued my curiosity and concern. What was it that he heard?

Quietly, I stepped up beside him and asked, "What?"

He shot a look at me that froze me to my spot. I stopped, as did he. Through his expression, I immediately realized that something was going on deeper in the sewers ahead of us. I was beginning to get just a little anxious, not confident with my abilities to defend myself, yet realizing that not to do so could put Mike at a disadvantage. Not only would he be trying to protect himself, but his focus would be on protecting me as well. In that moment, Mike realized my predicament. He smiled confidently at me and then gently pushed me into a shadow against the wall of the sewer, mouthing the word, 'stay'. I eagerly accepted his request, nodding enthusiastically. He then turned and headed up the sewer. As he came to a bend in the tunnel, he flattened himself against the wall and cautiously peered around. Looking back at me once and winking, he slipped around the corner and disappeared.

Okay, now this is where things began to seem all too familiar. Father had done just about the same thing with me only a while ago and he ended up being a major pain in my tail. Was it possible that he and the rest were 'training' me for patrol by taking me out, disappearing at one point, and then – suddenly – reappearing without warning? The more I thought about that the more it made perfect sense. Considering I remembered nothing at all about my training and only my 'knee-jerk' reaction would interpret what action to take, sending out someone like me so unprepared would be foolish. Yeah, it all made sense. They would each take me out, each with their own way of doing things – I'll feign sickness when it comes to Raph's turn, you can count on that – and then terrorize me to death! All in the name of training and ninjitsu. I was peeved! Why take me out at all if there is even a remote chance of crossing paths with the enemy? Why not just keep me in the lair and work me until I understood what I was supposed to know? Yes, on the job experience was sometimes the best kind – but in my opinion that only worked well if your weapon of choice was a cash register!

I was so convinced of this thought, that my anger and ire was going full tilt. Right then and there, I decided that I would not be the foil and patsy of my senseis. I would not just wait there to be pounced upon and then aged through terror just because they wanted to teach me a thing or two. I decided to follow Mike and turn the tables on him, instead.

The nerve of that guy!

I edged along the wall, keeping to the shadows, making my way slowly towards the bend where Mike had disappeared around. I exaggerated as quiet a step as I was able. I remembered how Father - and Mike, for that matter - walked so silently that if I had closed my eyes, I would have sworn I had been alone. I tried to duplicate their ability. I wasn't flawless, but I have to say my attempt made a great improvement on going stealth.

As I came up to turn in the tunnel, I stopped. I strained my ears to hear any sound out of the ordinary. I dismissed the drip and gurgle of water and the occasional scurry of rats further up the sewer. I could hear nothing else, though, other than that. Well, what did I expect? With father I didn't hear anything either. Therefore, I took the corner and saw to my disappointment an empty tunnel. I hesitated just a bit, if only because a chill was starting to creep up my spine. Mike had disappeared and there didn't seem to be enough shadows to hide him, either. However, as I peered further ahead, I could see that there were several junctions intersecting with the system I was in currently. It was quite plausible that Mike was in one of them. So, creeping slowly forward and sticking to the shadows along the wall, I edged closer, keeping my footfall as silent as was possible. My heart was pounding like a drum inside my chest as I anticipated that at any moment an orange bandanna turtle would leap out at me! None came, of course, but that thought was still in the back of my mind, nonetheless.

As I finally neared one of the junctions, a faint sound of _'something'_ came to my ears. I stood there a moment and turned my head this way and that, hoping to get a better understanding of what it was. It seemed to be coming from the farthest intersection to my right and deep within it, too. It was as if the sound was several hundred yards away and only the echo of what was happening was finally reaching me. Unfortunately, to reach the tunnel in question, I had to step out of the shadows and cross the culvert in the sewer. The water was running rather well at that point, a slight decent in the system causing the flow to be rather swift. I guess it had to be that way in order to empty the sewers out effectively. Still, the width between my side and the other was a good ten feet. I would have to jump it, as I was a little fearful of wading through. Being swept off my feet and carried to who knows where was the last thing I would want to happen. Given the fact I hadn't a clue where I was in the system, I could end up either in the ocean or, worse, at a waste processing plant. Neither prospects seemed appealing. I knew, though, that if I were to find out where Mike had gone to, one way or the other I was going to have to jump the culvert!

Making sure my bo staff was secure, I judged the distance and did a few lateral leaps along the side of the sewer. I found that I actually had a decent trajectory. Maybe it was my mutation or the training my body was used to doing, but I was amazed with the distance I was able to clear. My confidence now at an all time high so I faced my challenge head on. Doing a little personal pep talk, I spotted an area on the other side devoid of moisture and gathered my resolve, _"You can do this, Kira, you can! You MUST."_ I chanted to myself. Then, as an afterthought, "Just don't land in the water!" I remembered how cold it was down below the city and I knew getting completely soaked would only invite hypothermia. It would be the last thing I would want to happen.

Taking a deep breath, I took off. I ran straight for a moment to get my speed up and then did a neat little right turn, heading for the edge of the walkway. As I fast approached it, I judged the distance one more time to make sure I put as much into my effort as would get me to safety. Then, I was off!

Halfway through my launch, I felt a momentary rush of air fly by me in the same direction as I was heading. Part of my brain told me something was wrong, while the other part dismissed it and just enjoyed the 'ride'. I thought for sure I was going to make it, elated with the experience. However, just as the opposite walkway loomed ahead and I was confident of landing triumphantly, the rush of 'air' slammed me into the drink!

I nearly choked on the water and gasped almost out loud from the cold, except for the hand now wrapped around my mouth! I also felt an arm encircle one of my own as it pulled me along through the rushing water. It was deeper there in the sewer, making it difficult to find any footing. Even if I had, I was sure the floor of the culvert was too slippery to find purchase. Yet, my immediate concern was who had knocked me into the water. I was panicking now, not certain if I had been attacked. Maybe I was now looking at facing my first battle – or not.

Amid the sound of rushing water a soft quiet voice, rich in anger and emergency, filled my ear, "Keep your mouth shut and do as I say!"

It was Mike!

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**_TURTLE-WITCH404_**_: Glad you're liking this story – well – at least chapter ten! LOL Yeah, at that point, Leo does seem tricky, but there's a purpose to his madness. Just wait. If you've read this chapter then you know something is up, maybe Foot, maybe not. I'm not sure what's up other than clouds and the sky. :0) Either way, keep reading if you want to know the outcome. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Be blessed._

**_KUROI NEKO-KUN_**_: Confusing?__ You think this story's confusing? Ah, I have to agree with you since that's the reason why it's taken me SO long to update. I'm trying to figure out how to end this missive and it's giving me gray hairs in the process! LOL Anyway, hope to have an ending before I leave for the Philippines, but I highly doubt it. Same goes with my other stories! Thanks for reading and reviewing. Be blessed._

**_VESTQUEX_**_: Confusion abounds from here on out – I guarantee it! Love your updates as you well know; stories in and of themselves. Well, there'll be more Kira/Alicia discussions in the near future. What they'll say to each other is anyone's guess. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Be blessed._

**_LADY VENOM2: _**_Ah, my muses are mum until I start writing and even then they're stingy with ideas. I'd like to strangle them, but – ahem – I'd be strangling myself. Hee hee…okay, so K & A are on speaking terms, finally. No guarantees that any feasible answers will be given and the outcome is anyone's guess – including mine. Being in the dark about such matters is not a good thing when one is the author. Wish I knew how to storyboard; my life would be so much simpler! Anyway, thanks for reading and reviewing. Be blessed._

**_PRETENDER FANATIC_**_: Well, glad I gave you a 'lift'! Sorry about how long this one took. Writers block is alive and well at my PC. Anyway, yes it would be scary but in actuality it's all through the subconscious, so you can rest easy. Patrol with Mikey is a little different than patrolling with good ol' Dad! At least from Kira's perspective – until now! LOL Thanks for reading and reviewing. Be blessed._

**_RAMICA_**_: A connection on the subconscious level, though, which can often be weird where our fears reside!__ Hmm…to truth or not to truth, that is the question. Not sure how this one is going to go. Confusion reigns as it has since the beginning; why should I change the premise now?! LOL A riddle? Hmm…there's a thought. The real riddle is – can I or will I finish this story? Only subsequent chapters – if and when I get ideas for them – will tell! A journey of enlightenment for me, I think, since I haven't a clue what's going to happen next. The pitfalls of not storyboarding! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Be blessed. _


	24. Challenges

**_DISCLAIMER: _**_Sorry for the long delay between updates. It's been a struggle, let me say that much. I hope to get this finished, but no timeline promised. Inspiration has been drained with all the other stories I stupidly started. Well, anyway, on to the disclaimer – I only own Kira/Alicia. _

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**CHAPTER 24 - Challenges**

I struggled as the water carried us down the culvert. Mike held onto me, though, determined to keep me from drowning. I was surprised with how heavy I felt in the water, my weight pulling at me. I thought turtles were supposed to float. Then again, maybe not, possibly due to the shell and the way we were made. Either way, I was impressed with how effortlessly Mike kept both of us from going under despite our obvious combined weight.

"What's going on?" I asked him. The sound of rushing water pretty much drowned out any chance of someone hearing me.

"Foot!" he whispered, but I could tell he was seething, "And I thought I gave you explicit orders to stay where you were."

"You winked…" I said defensively and as quietly as I could in order for him to hear me above the rushing torrent.

As the culvert made a mad turn to the left and in the direction of what I had perceived to be the ocean, Mike hesitated answering me for the moment. Once he had successfully handled the turn, he nearly roared out, "What in hell is that suppose to mean?" He roughly turned me around in the water to face him, the current still carrying us along at a good clip. I now had my back to the direction we were heading, which didn't make me feel very comfortable.

Swallowing – and not liking the taste that was currently in my mouth – I sheepishly replied, "Well, you didn't seem as serious about it. Besides…" I added as I gathered my courage, "Father did the same thing with me."

"And…that's supposed to mean what?" Mike demanded as he glared at me. He braced a bit as the culvert dropped a little, forcing us to do a short waterfall plunge. It caught me by complete surprise, though, since my back was to it. However, before I could even scream, Mike's hand was over my mouth, pulling me against him to quell the outburst. It was only a drop of about a foot, but it was enough to interrupt the inquisition. Once we were steadily flowing along again, he repeated his question, "What is that suppose to mean, Kira?"

"Can we discuss this later? I'm freezing!" I complained. "Is there any way out of this?" I asked, turning my head around to see where the water was taking us.

Sighing angrily, Mike replied, "Just a little ways further. It dumps out into an opened catch basin…but we're going to have to react quickly. The water goes almost immediately into a processing plant and I DON'T want to get caught in it."

He then turned me around, my back to his plastron, as we rode the swift current toboggan style. Mike had his arms wrapped around me protectively, pulling me up against him. His legs were on each side of mine as the water pulled us along and it made me slightly uneasy. Quite honestly, it was too close for comfort and I really didn't like it. "Can I ride along side, please?" I asked him.

"Just a little ways further, Kira…it won't be long." He said evenly. "As soon as the culvert dumps out into the basin, we'll have to jump to the side and grab the railings there."

"Wouldn't it be easier if you were on one side of me, though? That way, you wouldn't get tangled up in my legs." I offered quickly.

"I will, but right now I want to minimize any resistance in the water." He explained softly.

After short while, I heard the distant sound of a waterfall, or at the very least, water falling. I couldn't see a thing due to the intermittent lighting in the sewers. Where the sound was coming from up ahead, that part of the tunnel was pitch black. "Ah, is there something I should know about this? Maybe if I had some idea…" I began, but then realized, as the culvert plunged into that inky blackness, it took another bend to the right. Any reply from Mike would have been too late.

Faster than I had anticipated, we soon shot out of the sewers along with the water. Just as quickly, though and before we exited, Mike – with my arms still in his grasp - had swung his legs from around me. Faster than lightening, he pushed off from the shallow end of the concrete opening, bringing me with him. I soon found that we were now flying through the air. His push, however, forced the two of us to the side where I immediately saw the railings that Mike had mentioned earlier. As soon as I was able to and before gravity took over, I grabbed desperately at one for one of the rungs. Mike grabbed the one just above mine and, at the same time, managed to avoid slamming into me.

I wish I could say that I executed my part in the exercise as well as he did.

As it was, I didn't.

The problem was my trajectory wasn't as high up because Mike was the one who initiated the leap and he knew what to expect. Consequently, he was better prepared, while I was flying blind – not to mention the fact that I hadn't any idea what I was doing.

As I felt my fingers slip off the wet metal hand-grab, I let out a short scream. Realizing that I was now falling towards the spillway, I glanced down quickly only to see a whirlpool in the water where the processing vents were. Desperately I reached up to grab anything to keep me from that fate below and thankfully found purchase. I looked up and saw my hands clasped around Mike's left ankle in a death grip. I felt him give just a little as our combined weight caused him to lose his hold on the rung. Yet, before we both fell, he grabbed the one just below that, the rung that should have been mine had I not lost my grip.

"Kira, grab the one right in front of you." Mike hastily said.

I was in shock, completely freaked out of my mind with what could have been my drowning death. I was in a state of limbo as far as my brain working properly so I didn't hear him at first.

He raised his voice to get my attention, "KIRA!"

I looked up in a daze, "Wh-what?"

"GRAB the rung!" He demanded.

I could hear a bit of desperation in his voice and it was then that I realized that both his hands were slowly slipping on the drenched steel handholds. Quickly regaining my senses, I reached out and claimed the rung in question. Once my weight was off of his, Mike was able to bring his feet up to support himself on the rung just above mine. "Now, we have to climb out. Keep your pace steady and don't make any noise. And …" he added quickly, "be careful, it's slippery!"

No duh.

After a few moments of trudging upwards, I could see Mike climb carefully up over the top of the culvert. He hesitated as he looked around. Once he felt we were safe from unsuspecting witnesses, he looked down and motioned with his hands for me to continue up. I saw him disappear over the edge, which gave me a sense of panic. Now, I felt all alone. Desperate to join him, I quickly but carefully hiked up the rungs, mindful of slipping and knowing that if I did, I'd be out of luck for a rescue.

Clambering over the top, I snaked my way along the ground on my plastron, inching as fast as I could and away from the precipice. I felt such relief to be out of that situation. Sticking as close as I could to the pavement, I raised my head up and then looked around for Mike, but I couldn't see him – at first. During that interim, I actually thought he had abandoned me to teach me a lesson about not following orders. However, as I adjusted my vision a little, I noticed he was already in among the shadows. With the cloud cover, there were quite a few, the deepest located at the concrete wall that formed the upper region of the spillway. Just above that, about eight feet, I could see trees and the barest hint of grass that poked haphazardly over the manmade structure. I was finally outside!

I smiled.

Quickly, I managed to get my feet under me and then skittered as fast as I could to meet up with him. "So, now what?" I asked excitedly. Once the adrenaline rush had begun to calm down, I was starting to get into the adventure. More to the point, I was looking forward to feeling grass under my feet once again.

"You seem chipper!" Mike commented, looking at me, "for one who almost drowned."

"It's so – wonderful out here!" I cheered quietly. "The rain's stopped, the air is so FRESH! I feel _alive_ again." I was grinning from ear to ear.

"Ah, well, sorry to burst yer bubble, Kira, but we need to get out of here and find a manhole cover. Have to get back down, know what I mean?" He gazed at me sadly and then looked above at the top of the concrete wall and cocked his head. "If you stand on my shoulders, do ya think you could snag the top and pull yourself up the rest of the way?"

I looked overhead at where he was indicating and swooned just a bit. "Ah, I guess so, but what if there are people up there?" I asked nervously. Regardless of my memories, or lack thereof, I knew that given how I looked mingling with the human population of New York City would not be a smart thing to do.

"Well, look around a bit, first, silly. If you see people, just duck yer head back down." Mike said. He shook his head and smiled at me, almost mocking my ignorance.

It didn't take him long to hoist me onto his shoulders. Actually, climbing his carapace was quite easy, the rough texture of his shell providing plenty of traction. As Mike faced the concrete wall and supported himself with his hands, I stood precariously on his shoulders. Balancing myself against the hard surface, I reached up. "Not sure if I can do this, Mike." I gritted out nervously. I hated heights.

"Well, just keep yer voice down, 'kay? Try, though, maybe if you stand on my head?" He suggested.

I looked down at him and could see he was doing well with me on his shoulders, so I gave standing on his head a try. He wobbled a bit at first, which only increased my concerns. Then, he stiffened his neck and I was steady once more. Still, no matter if I stretched with all of my might, I just couldn't reach the top edge of the culvert. If I were an inch or two taller, it would have been a done deal. If Raph were here, it wouldn't have made any difference of course, because I think he would have thrown me up like a catapult. "It's not working…maybe we need to try something else." I suggested.

After clambering back down his shell, I looked around. There wasn't a ladder or a set of stairs anywhere. "You'd think that someone would have thought of putting in some sort of access stairs." I complained.

"Yeah, you'd think…" he agreed. Mike looked around quickly, taking in the expanse of the spillway and the reclamation building not to far from where we stood. He then looked to his left, back in the direction of where we had shot out of the sewers. I saw him grin and then he slapped me on my back. "Found or way out – or, more to the point, IN!" he chirped and then carefully looked around.

All I could see when I took in the direction he had indicated was the same sewer opening. Since the rain had stopped, the water was not as gushing as it had been earlier. The torrent was now a manageable flow as it bled down the face of the spillway, creating a gentle waterfall. "Okay, so – where is this way out?" I asked, completely confused.

"There," Mike pointed and as I followed his arm, my heart sank.

"You – have to be kidding me?" I asked and not the least bit happily, either.

"Yep, back the way we came!" Mike then looked around carefully and immediately thereafter skipped back over to the precipice once again.

Reluctantly I followed him, looking around myself just incase he was too eager to inspect his decision. As I caught up with him, I noticed that there were handholds right outside of the mouth of the sewer. Yet, they were a good twenty feet down and probably that much from where we stood. "How can we possibly even make it, Mike?" I stammered. I looked further down and noticed that the water had diminished just a little, but that dreaded whirlpool was still there. I shivered and it wasn't because I was cold.

"Well, we'll jump; get a good running start and then just grab on." He smiled back at me.

"Yeah, just grab on as if it were gymnastic rings at the park." I said derisively.

"Exactly! Now yer catching on, Kira!" he cheered. I could only shake my head with the futility of the whole situation. Then, he backed up a ways, actually, quite a ways and winked at me. "Watch how it's down, sweets!" he smirked.

In that instant, he exploded into an all out run. I don't know how he did it because within four steps he was at full speed. Not hesitating one bit, Mike leaped right off the side edge of the spillway, his hands and feet preceding him, and sailed through the air. In a fraction of a second, he was hanging off the rungs and then making his way down the side quick as a spider. As soon as he could, he swung himself to the right and back through the sewer opening. Only this time, he landed on the walkway that boarded the weeping culvert. He whipped around triumphantly, grinning like the Cheshire cat and motioning with his right arm for me to follow suit.

I shook my head, no. "I'll find another way!" I insisted.

Mike did likewise but said in a hushed shout, "Nope, you're gonna jump…just do as I did."

"I can't do that! Are you nuts?" I complained.

"Sure you can! Just run and jump and keep your eyes on the prize, my dear." He seemed so sure of me. What a fool.

I honestly did not want to do that. No way. I looked around furtively, hoping against hope to see a better alternative. I couldn't. Mike's way was the only way. I looked down once again into the 'abyss' of water and then back to my target. _"Well,"_ I thought to myself_, "I do seem to have more agility than I would normally – if I were human." _I sighed deeply_, "Maybe I can do this after all." _

I backed up as far as Mike did, but then I backed up even more…until I was certain I could gain the same momentum he had. I heard him whisper-yell for me to hurry it up – and he seemed rather desperate sounding, too. Maybe he had heard something – or someone. That had me concerned. If he wanted me to hurry, there was probably a good reason for me to do so.

Gathering my resolve, I took off, picturing the rungs, where they were, and hoping my current running position would put me in alignment to them. As I rushed up to the edge of the spillway and leaped, I realized too late the reason why Mike wanted me to hurry.

There in the opening were four Foot soldiers. They had evidently surprised Mike and almost caught him unprepared. Obviously, they had followed him from earlier. I could only assume his focus on me had kept his mind off of their close proximity. Still, he had enough skill to make up for his surprise as he was now working his nunchuks like a gyroscope going full tilt. I saw one soldier fall out of the sewer opening as Mike's chuks knocked him silly. The warrior then fell helplessly into the churning waters below. He disappeared in short order as the whirlpool caught him up. I cringed, "_What a way to go."_ I thought ruefully.

For myself, I realized my reaction and witness of the event had tweaked my trajectory just a bit. Not only that, but the extra distance I allowed for running had given me more take-off power than I realized. Instead of heading straight for the rungs, I was now heading straight for the fight in progress.

I could only close my eyes against what would surely happen next.

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**_VESTQUEX_**_: Hey, don't fret it. I'm rather overwhelmed with writing these stories, so….be thankful that all you have to do is read! Yeah, Mike –as with all of them – is multi-layered, not just a funny guy. :0) Loved the long story review on RR you gave us, as you well know. And I really like your story reviews in general, although I'm sure that with college grabbing for your attention these days, you' won't have much time even for that. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Be blessed._

**_MYSTIC MEWTWO_**_: Glad you're enjoying the story. Someone as old as me? Hey, my body might remind me from time to time – and more often than I care for it to do – that I'm as old as me, LOL, but my mind and soul – well, my soul anyway since my mind wanders now and then – will be forever 21! :0) I find writing TMNT stories to be like visiting Disneyland. My escape from reality for a little while! Thanks for the compliments and the encouragements. I need them all where WB is still dragging me down that whirlpool of frustration. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Be blessed._

**_RAMICA_**_: Yeah, tension should be the title of this latest chapter – 24, there's so much of it. Mike is more than a lot of wind – talking – he's also very adept at what he does, more so than the cartoons and movies make him out to be. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Be blessed. _

_PRETENDER FANATIC: Funny? Okaaaayyy…but I'm glad, either way. Yeah, I could see Kira doing that, actually, but I didn't until you mentioned it. LOL Glad you liked the chapter. More visualizing with chapter 24, I 'm sure. Hope you like it as well. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Be blessed._


	25. A Nightmare in the Waking

**_DISCLAIMER_**: _Finally, another update for Nightmare.__ Well, readers and reviewers, this is the last installment of Kira's adventures in weird. Does she get her memories restored? Does she meet up with Drial Namtsea? Does she find out the truth about herself? Ah, maybe THAT should be the real question. Just for the record, I do not own anything resembling mutated turtles in tights. In fact, I don't think anyone owns them! Bwahahaha….okay, a little silly here. In short, I only own Kira, Alicia, Diane (who is she???) and the idea for this story._

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**CHAPTER 25 – A Nightmare in the Waking**

As I found myself flying feet-first towards the melee at the mouth of the sewer, Mike saw my trajectory. He went wide-eyed for a second, but then quickly resumed the fight with frantic intensity. He immediately deflected a Foot ninja who had also noticed my incoming self. The soldier had been intending on dispatching me with a few shurikens. However, before he could launch them, Mike virtually smacked the weapons out of the ninja's hands with his nunchukus. In the next movement, my _savoir_ executed what I had learned was a roundhouse and slammed his adversary hard against the tunnel wall. Yet, before the soldier could recover, Mike did a neat little kick into the man's midsection. If I remember what Father called it, I think it was a hurricane kick – or, was that tornado? Hmm…anyway, with the wind knocked out of him, this caused the hapless ninja to crumple over and onto to the concrete floor of the sewer. Now, he lay prone and still, out of action and certainly no longer a viable threat.

All of this happened in less than two seconds. Just the same, my mind seemed to be on other things…such as landing. Given my mental lapse in how I was supposed to do such a thing, my jump seemed awkward at best. Consequently, nearing the end of my 'flight' I was starting to become rather concerned.

Mike had taken care of two more ninja by the time I made landfall, or, was that sewer fall. Either way, I fell and not in the direction that I wanted to, either. Yet, before Mike could grab for me, I found myself landing on the very lip of the opening. Then, quickly losing my balance, I felt myself falling headlong towards the whirling abyss below.

After that, everything seemed to happen in slow motion.

I saw the torrent of water below me with its vortex a wild symphony of terror as I fell like a rock. I heard Mike cry out for me, but before I was able to understand what it was he had said, I hit the water hard. That was when I panicked. I knew how to swim and I had always considered myself a decent swimmer, but the whirlpool proved itself far too strong. No matter how hard I pulled and stroked, I was helpless within the murderous embrace of the swirling water. As soon as I could and before the eddy pulled me under, I grabbed a lungful of air. Then, in the next moment, I lost sight of Mike as I felt myself dragged beneath the surface.

In all honesty, I lost my sense of direction. Up became down and visa versa. The air I had gulped seemed plentiful at the time, even though I knew it would not last me forever. Still, as the seconds ticked away, I began to feel the burn in my lungs. The whirlpool kept me quite busy, as well, as it tossed me about, dragging me further down into the abyss of liquid death. Just when my air ran out and as I involuntarily inhaled a lungful of water, I found my self somewhere else entirely.

For one thing, I wasn't wet. The second fact that hit me really screwed my head up. I was in a bed with a white sheet pulled up close under my chin and with my arms lying on top of the covers. IV tubes were stuck into my arms and taped to my chest was a heart monitor patch. I heard a steady beep as said monitor sang out my heart and breathing rate, but oddly enough, I felt something else. Attached to my head and connecting me to yet another device, that other monitor seemed to be recording other functions pertaining to me. However, even though I could see and determine where I was, my mind was just unwilling to accept it. To make matters worse, I was unable to move – I couldn't even twitch my nose or purse my lips. Wasn't I just swimming for my life only a moment ago? Hadn't I nearly been darted by a slew of flying stars? Wasn't Michelangelo trying to save me? For that matter, where was he, why hasn't he rescued me?

Still, it seemed as if my eyes were adjusting a lot quicker than my mind was. Though I didn't move my head, or maybe I wasn't able to move my head – I really couldn't tell; just the same, it was plain to see that I was in a hospital room. In fact, as I began to make better sense of my surroundings, I recognized the room as the same hospital room that Alicia was in when I dreamt of her back in the lair.

Okay, when did everything change and what in hell was happening? Why was I now seemingly awake, yet feeling as if I should be somewhere else entirely? Before I could even entertain either thought, however, I quickly noticed a group of people standing off to one side near the back corner of the room. They were huddled together as if conversing quietly among themselves. Again, my head refused to move, no matter how loudly my mind told it to, so the best I could do was to let my eyes do the turning. I looked harder at the group and then, almost as if I were waking from a dream, I began to recognize them.

I recognized my mother and father right away - and neither of them seemed reptilian. They were as human as – I was! I glanced down at my exposed arms and saw immediately human skin, something I had not seen in days – or had that been weeks? I wasn't sure but regardless of the time factor, how could I be human when only moments ago I was a mutant turtle fighting for my life. Had Alicia traded places with me and without my knowledge? That had me worried. I felt myself panicking and as I did, I could hear a sudden increase in beeping from one of the monitors. The knot of people turned towards me, spreading out to reveal that there were actually five people in all. I had already recognized my parents but then the other three made themselves known as they faced my direction. There, next to my mom and dad were my two sisters and my younger brother. Still, overshadowing my recognition was their obvious concern on their faces, which – of course – only heightened my own. However, my inner turmoil seemed to influence the beep from one of the monitors because it now seemed deafening.

What exactly was happening?

Suddenly, a man wearing a white coat came rushing in, a clipboard in one hand and a pen in the other. He quickly bypassed the group of people, my family, and went over to the one monitor that had its tendrils of wires attached to my head. I moved my eyes to follow this person and as I did so, I heard someone gasp excitedly.

"She's moving her eyes! Did you see that, Alicia moved her eyes!"

Damn, she did switch places with me. That stupid bit…. Yet, before I could finish that thought, I heard the person in the white coat explain, "Involuntary movement; perfectly normal."

Involuntary? Perfectly normal? Who IS this guy? Who does he think he is, anyway, to say that I don't have control over things? Then again, as I thought about that, I really didn't have control for the moment. All I could move was my eyes and by all accounts and according to Mr. Expert, I was unable to control it. If that were so, then explain to me why I was able to follow him while he walked over to the stupid machines.

He stood there for what seemed like hours, writing down whatever it was he read from the monitor and then transferring that information onto the neat little clipboard he was holding. The most I could do was my 'involuntary' eye movement and my breathing. That was it. How incredibly frustrating it was, especially when only moments earlier I had been jumping through the air, trying to land into the mouth of a sewer opening. As I laid there wondering what had happened to my other life, another man came into the room. This one had a rather expensive looking suit on and walked in as if he was quite familiar with everyone. After a few minutes of pleasant conversation, he became more serious. It was then, as I listened, that a startling revelation came to me through what he began to say next to my family.

"As I've suspected and based on what I've talked with you earlier about, we've concurred from the CAT scans and MRI's that Alicia's frontal lobe, where her creativity is located, is exhibiting an increased level of activity, which explains why the IMC 3 brain monitor has been giving off such high readings. Yet, where Alicia's brain injury happened in the areas of her motor functions and her ability to sense things and to react, she will need constant care and monitoring. The meds we've been giving her have helped to stimulate other areas of her brain to some extent, based on my staff's observation, but for the most part, Alicia will remain comatose. She'll be able to breath on her own, but she'll have to be forced fed and will never be able to walk again. Basically, whatever is going on in her mind, if anything at all, seems to be keeping her alive. I doubt very much she will ever be aware of her surroundings."

In that moment, I heard my mother start to cry first and then my sisters, followed closely by my father and brother. As for me, I was stunned. This could not be my reality. There had to be some sort of mistake. Had Alicia truly switched places with me and I was now stuck in her body? Was she now enjoying my life down in the sewers of New York City as a mutant turtle? It was then, as I thought about it, that what I left her was a watery death. I considered it incredibly ironic, I really did. I lay there and contemplated how much I hated living in the sewers; how I hated the ninjitsu training; how very much I hated Raphael and how he treated me. Now, all of that I would gladly take back if only I could.

While I was playing pity party with myself, one of the technicians came in and handed the doctor another clipboard. He silently read it and then looked up at my mother and asked, "Who are Kira and Michelangelo?"

If I had been able, I would have raised my hand to identify myself and explain the other, but then as I thought about it, how would anyone know either of those names? Where had they heard them?

I saw my mother tearfully shake her head as if she were unfamiliar with them. I chuckled to myself, _"No duh about that one."_ However, one of my sisters offered between her sobs.

"Alicia loved to write stories. She used to watch this cartoon show years ago called the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." I think I remember her name as being Diane and I think she was older than me, but my sister's breathing hitched once before she continued, "Anyway, she had been writing a lot of stories about them lately and putting them up on this website that lets other people read them. She's been letting me read them, too, and one of her main characters name is Kira." She looked at the doctor, "The other name belongs to one of the turtles. Why? Why do you ask?"

"Well, it seems that Alicia was heard saying those two words last night when everyone was gone. Just thought that maybe it had some significance to the family," the doctor replied.

Diane looked at me and seemed to have calmed down a little. Then, as she cocked her head she smiled faintly as she said, "Maybe Alicia is thinking about her stories and maybe that can account for all the brain activity." She looked at the doctor and asked, "Is it possible?" The rest of the family looked at me and seemed to be taking a great deal of consideration from Diane's words.

Finally, the doctor said, sighing and shaking his head as he, too, looked at me, "The human brain is our last frontier. No one really knows what goes on inside a comatose person's mind. Some have reawakened and have told of being somewhere else for a time, with little awareness for reality." He grew quiet for a moment and then turned back to my family, "If Alicia is indeed experiencing her stories as you implied, for that, you should all be grateful. It would be terrible if she were fully aware of her surroundings yet unable to communicate or do anything for herself."

With that, the doctor shook my father's hand, hugged my mother and my siblings, and excused himself, leaving them with the task of deciding what to do with me.

Hours later, I learned that my family would be moving me to a convalescence hospital where permanently brain damaged people such as me were taken care of. As much as my mother fought to have me brought home, the kind of care I would need would have taxed the family far beyond their ability to cope. My father's insurance covered most of my upkeep, so long as it was in a hospital-type facility. Reluctantly, she relinquished her desires for something more practical. As much as I would have wanted to go home as well, I had to silently agree with the medical advisor.

Giving much thought to my situation I was coming to realize that all I had experienced in my 'life' in the sewers, those few days that I endured going hungry, Raph's taunts and merciless training in the dojo, even Master Splinter's wise counsel, all of it had been only my imagination. I knew that Drial Namtsae would never be able to switch Alicia with me, because he was as unreal as everything else had been. Father, or Leonardo, was a figment of my fantasies and I wondered about that. Had he been my favorite turtle years ago, or did my father exhibit his attributes and I automatically saw Leo as a dad-figure? I really didn't have any answers to my questions and there certainly wasn't any way for me to voice them.

Yet, my only desire as I lay helpless and seemingly hopeless in that bed was how long it would be before my subconscious imagination kicked in once again? How long would I have to wait before I was transported back to my fantasy world of living in the sewers of New York City, learning ninjitsu, chasing and being chased by the Foot, and living a life that any fan fiction writer would dream of living.

Because for me, living in my real world had become a nightmare, a nightmare from which I would never wake up.

The End – or is it?

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**_A/N – IT'S DONE! , well, for now anyway. Hee hee. This was the ending I had from the beginning. I'm so stoked I could resurrect it like this. I was very bummed how the story was going and that it was diverting away from my surrealistic finish. Yeah, I'm sure you're all just staring at the PCright now wonder'n what in blazes has happened! I'm certain that Kira/Alicia understands how y'all feel. Bwahahaha!_**

_Thanks for reading – and reviewing. All of you have kept me going and for that, I appreciate your support. As for an epilogue, after careful consideration, I've decided to leave it as is. _

_Enough said, so…_

_Be Blessed._

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**_COMMENTS_**

**_LADY OF THE RINGS_**_: Well, hey, thanks for reviewing!! Yes, it's been a while and it's because my story wasn't going where I had wanted it to. I had to take a break – a rather long one – to regroup my creativity for this story. I was waiting for the right idea, the right way to end this, and when it hit me, I knew my readers were going to want to! LOL Glad you love the story – it's one of my personal favs from what I've written. I'm very hard to please where it concerns my writing, just so you know. I'm my worse critic. Yes, the beginning was confusing, but I think the ending sort of justified it. Hope it leaves your mouth gaping! Thanks for reading and reviewing. Be blessed._

**_LIONESS GODDESS_**_: Glad things started to make sense, but I just may have shoved you back to square one on that. Poor Kira indeed. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Be blessed._

**_KUROI NEKO KUN:_**_ One day, you're gonna have to tell me what your name means! LOL Anyway, sorry about your PC giving you fits. As far as things getting worse for Kira, I think they did. Thank goodness she still has her imagination. A little jab at all of us and our love for the fantasy world of the TMNT's! As for continuing, I think this is it…unless I get sequel ideas, but then we'll all know it's all in her head and isn't real, or is it? I'll never tell. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Be blessed._

**_PRETENDER FANATIC_**_: Super Kira?__ Ah, wow, and she left her cape at home, too. Poor girl. Mike was being careless or was that Kira's idea of how Mikey pays attention? Hmm…this ending does sort of make you wonder, now, doesn't it? Bwahahaha! Yeah, Mike is so nonchalant about things, isn't he? Hee hee…again, is it real or not. Best left to your own imagination. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Be blessed._

**_RAMICA_**_: Ah, when you have so many Foot soldiers coming at ya and your mind is on your niece and her obvious lack of skill for certain things. Yeah, 'distracted' is easy to do. As it turns out, I'm sure I've left you rather speechless so I guess there's not much left to say, other than thanks for reading and reviewing. Be blessed._


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